WTV.  OF  CALIF.  LIBRARY.  LOS  ANGELAS 


TOLD  IN  A 
CHINESE  GARDEN 

AND  FOUR  OTHER  FANTASTIC  PLAYS 
FOR  OUT-DOORS  OR  IN-DOORS 

BY 
CONSTANCE  WILCOX 


Especially  adapted  Jor  amateur  productions 


NEW  YORK 
HENRY  HOLT  AND  COMPANY 

1920 


COPYRIGHT,  1920, 
BY 

HENRY  HOLT  AND  COMPANY 


All  of  these  plays  have  been  successfully  given. 

No  royalty  is  asked  for  performing  rights  when  no  admis 
sion  is  charged.  Otherwise  there  is  a  charge  of  five  dollars 
for  each  performance  by  amateurs.  Professional  actors 
must  make  special  arrangements. 

No  performance  of  these  plays  may  be  given  without 
full  acknowledgment  to  the  author  and  publishers.  Ac 
knowledgment  should  be  made  to  read  as  follows:  "  By 
Constance  Crenelle  Wilcox;  from  Told  In  A  Chinese  Gar 
den  and  Other  Plays.  Produced  by  arrangement  with  the 
publishers." 


PS 

3S- if  5 


AFFECTIONATELY  INSCRIBED 
TO 

MY  FATHER 


8133948 


AUTHOR'S  NOTE 

These  five  one  act  plays  have  been  written  especially 
for  the  out  of  doors,  and,  as  experience  with  them  has 
shown,  can  be  easily  and  effectively  given  by  amateurs 
in  the  simplest  of  outdoor  settings.  They  range  in 
length  and  elaboration  from  "  Told  in  a  Chinese  Gar 
den,"  which  plays  forty-five  minutes,  and  can  be  made, 
if  desired,  into  quite  a  brilliant  pageant  for  a  large 
number  of  people,  to  "  Pan  Pipes,"  which  is  a  play  of 
twenty-five  minutes  for  four  actors.  It  is  sometimes 
difficult  to  find  plays  exactly  fitted  for  an  outdoor  set 
ting.  In  these  plays  the  entrances  and  exits  are  made 
with  a  view  to  outdoor  production,  and  the  back 
ground  is  taken  into  account.  The  particular  settings 
given  in  the  plays  are,  of  course,  not  essential  nor  ex 
pected  for  any  outdoor  production.  They  are  given 
for  atmosphere,  and  in  case  of  an  indoor  production. 
A  few  suggestions  for  simple  production  follow  each 
play. 

Permission  for  producing  these  plays  can  be  ob 
tained  from  the  publishers. 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 3 

A  Play  Pageant  for  a  Garden 

PAN  PIPES    ....    A  Woodland  Play      .     63 
FOUR  OF  A  KIND   .      .    A  Play  for  a  Boat     .     93 

THE  PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE  ....   129 
A  Children's  Garden  Play 

MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 171 

A  Fantasy  for  a  Garden 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN  l 
(A  PLAY  PAGEANT) 

SCENE.     A  Chinese  garden. 
TIME.     A  summer  afternoon. 

CHARACTERS 

TAl-Lo,  A  Gardener  on  the  estate  of  Wang-Chu-Mo. 
PoA-TiNG-FANG,  Guest  of  Wang-Chu-Mo. 
WANG-CHU-MO. 

Li-Ti,  Daughter  of  Wang-Chu-Mo. 
LING-TAI-TAI,  Governess  to  Li-Ti. 
LANG-TAI-TAI,  Governess  to  Li-Ti. 
Two  GUARDS. 
SCRIBE. 

PAGES,  COOLIE  RUNNERS  and  OTHERS. 
(The  Songs  are  all  Old  Chinese  —  and  also  the  quota 
tions) 

1  Copyright,  1919,  by  Constance  Wilcox. 


TOLD    IN   A   CHINESE    GARDEN 
A  STORY  IN  ONE  ACT 

ft  ^AI-LO  is  working  with  dippers  at  a  flower  bed 

i       around  a  goldfish   pool  in   the  center  of  the 

•**        garden.     He   wears  a  peaked  straw   hat  and 

faded  blue  jacket  and  trousers.     He  sings  at  his  work. 

TAI-LO 

"  The  flower  fairies  bring 
Their  playmate  spring; 
But  the  spring  goes 
And  leaves  the  rose. 
She  fills  all  hearts 
With  incense  and  departs. 

"  The  river  fain  would  keep 

One  cloud  upon  its  breast, 

Of  the  twilight  flocks  that  sweep 

Like  red  flamingoes  fading  west, 

Away,  away, 

To  build  beyond  the  day. 

"  Give  me  the  green  gloom  of  a  lofty  tree, 
Leaf  and  bough  to  shutter  and  bar 
My  dream  of  the  world  that  ought  to  be 
From  the  drifting  ghosts  of  the  things  that  are; 
3 


4         TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

Mine  is  the  secret  land  where  spring 

And  sunset  clouds  cease  wandering." 

(PoA-TiNG-FANG  and  WANG-CHU-Mo  ad 
vance  slowly  down  the  path  and  into  the  gar 
den.  They  are  in  gorgeous  embroidered  coats 
and  scarlet  and  black  hats  with  long  tassels. 
A  servant  shields  them  from  the  sun  with  a 
bright,  many-colored  silk  umbrella.  They  carry 
fans.) 

POA 
(With  a  stately  wave  of  his  hand  as  they  walk  around 

the  pool) 

As  I  have  frequently  observed,  a  garden  is  soothing  to 
the  eye  —  the  flowers  are  like  the  many-colored  moving 
disks  of  the  counting  board  as  they  shine  in  the  sun  — 
I  was  ever  fond  of  a  garden  in  which  to  prepare  my 
accounts  —  so  warm,  so  undisturbed  — 

WANG 

I  had  learned  of  your  Excellency's  preference  —  and 
you  will  find  that  my  daughter  Li-Ti  —  your  most 
subservient  wife-to-be  —  has  the  history  of  each  flower 
at  her  finger  tips.  I  have  had  her  trained  four  hours 
every  day  in  this  very  garden  so  she  may  be  able  to 
recite  for  your  Excellency's  delectation  when  she  walks 
her  honorable  wifely  paths  in  your  garden. 

POA 

Most  erudite  and  solicitous  host  and  father-in-law- 
to-be,  the  sun  is  no  more  warm  on  my  back  than  your 
words  in  my  ears.  My  late  brother  (may  the  Gods 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN          5 

grant  him  peace  in  heaven)  took  delight  in  his  garden, 
and  since  I  have  come  into  his  house  and  possessions, 
I  have  been  pleased  to  add  new  blooms,  one  from  each 
country,  and  cunningly  intermingled  like  the  enamel 
on  a  Ming  vase.  It  is  on  view  Thursdays  and  Satur 
days  —  for  a  mean  consideration. 

(They  come  upon  the  gardener.     He  bows  so 

low  that  his  sun  hat  completely  hides  his  face; 

and,  picking  up  his  basket,  he  goes  to  a  distant 

flower  bed.) 

And  gardeners  —  I  have  thousands  —  like  brown- 
legged  storks  —  and  their  wages  —  they  will  pick  the 
pennies  from  my  eyelids. 

WANG 

My  daughter  will  have  much  to  learn  in  your  great 
household,  and  I  have  taught  her  to  imbibe  silently, 
and  speak  not  until  there  are  wise  words  in  her  mouth. 
As  the  Sage  says,  "  A  woman  with  a  long  tongue  is 
a  flight  of  steps  leading  to  calamity." 

POA 
(Picking  a  flower  with  a  great  air) 

I  myself  am  a  man  of  few  words  and  many  affairs. 

WANG 

Yes,  again  to  quote:  "  Love  of  knowledge  without 
the  will  to  learn,  casts  the  shadow  called  Instability. 
Love  of  goodness  without  the  will  to  learn  casts  the 
shadow  called  Foolishness.  Love — " 


PDA 

Exactly,  exactly.  Now  about  the  great  scarlet  be< 
that  is  part  of  your  daughter's  dowry  —  may  I  sa; 
that  it  is  of  an  admirable  richness  and  if  there  wer 
silken  quilts  — 

WANG 

There  —  there  are.  They  are  to  be  carried  to 
night  in  the  wedding  procession  on  blue  lacquerei 
tables  of  great  value  —  ten  coolies  it  will  take  to  carr 
them  —  and  the  household  utensils  and  camphorwooi 
chests  — 

POA 
(Jotting  down  the  items  in  a  notebook} 

Excellent,  O  excellent  and  generous,  O  my  father 
in-law-to-be.  It  is  indeed  fortunate  that  a  propitiou 
omen  is  about  to  bring  our  two  great  houses  togethei 
I  would  welcome  your  daughter  were  she  as  sharp  a 
the  vicious  Aunt  East  Wind  —  which  I  am  sure  she  i 
not. 

WANG 

My  daughter  is  far  from  ill-favored.  But  as  on 
has  said,  "  Beauty  without  the  will  to  — " 

POA 

It  does  not  matter.     It  is  of  an  insignificance, 
remember  too,  "  Admirable  is  the  wise  woman,  but  sh 
is  an  owl."     As  befitting  a  man  of  affairs  my  wife  an< 
I  will  meet  but  seldom,  and  as  you  say  she  has  th 
gift  of  silence.     How  does  the  verse  go? 

"  The  wise  man's  wisdom  is  our  strength, 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN         7 

The  woman's  wisdom  is  our  bane. 
The  men  build  up  the  city  walls 
For  women  to  tear  down  again." 

WANG 

It  rests  my  ears  to  hear  that  you  are  fond  of  poetry. 
Do  you  know  — 

POA 
Ah,  I  remember  the  sequence, 

"  No  man  from  any  woman's  wit 
Hath  yet  learned  aught  of  any  worth, 
For  wise  is  she,  but  unto  ill, 
To  bring  disorder  on  the  earth. 
What  does  she  in  affairs  of  state? 
Her  place  is  in  the  inner  room. 
Her  wisdom  doth  least  hurt  in  this, 
To  mind  the  silkworm  and  the  loom." 

But  enough  of  the  arts.  Were  there  not  perhaps 
screens  ? 

WANG 

Of  purple  colored  teakwood,  set  with  silver  and 
ivory,  and  hangings  of  orange  brocade  hand  painted 
with  dragons. 

POA 
A  good  omen  —  a  good  omen. 

(They  go   off  slowly   talking.} 
(A    little   boy    in    livery    enters    running.     He 
peers  about  the  garden  and  runs  back  to  hold 
aside  the  shrubbery  for  a  gilded,  canopied  chair 


8         TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

carried  by  coolies.  In  the  chair  is  Ll-Tl,  her 
scarlet  and  gold  gown  stiff  with  embroidery, 
and  her  hair  elaborately  dressed  and  twisted 
with  strings  of  jade  and  pearl.  Long  earrings 
frame  a  lovely,  expressionless  face,  white  with 
powder  and  vividly  carmine  on  cheeks  and  lips. 
Her  eyes  are  heavily  black  and  droop  wearily. 
She  carries  a  peacock  feather  fan  with  a  mirror 
in  the  handle.  Behind  the  chair  walk  the  two 
elderly  governesses  in  drab-colored  gowns  as 
unprepossessing  as  their  sharp  yellowed  faces. 
They  carry  rolls  of  manuscript  and  a  servant 
behind  holds  a  bright  umbrella  over  them.) 

THE  BOY 

The  garden  is  empty,  Celestialness ;  only  an  under- 
gardener  is  here. 

Li-Ti 

(Peering  out) 

My  father  and  Poa-Ting-Fang  were  just  walking 
through  the  paths.  I  wish  I  might  catch  a  glimpse  of 
them. 

LING-TAI-TAI 
It  is  not  seemly. 

LANG-TAI-TAI 
It  is  not  in  comportment.     It  is  curiosity! 

(The  little  procession  advances  slowly  around 
the  pool.) 

LANG 
The  five  worst  infirmities  that  afflict  the  female  are 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN         9 

indocility,   discontent,   slander,   jealousy   and  silliness. 
The  worst  of  all  and  the  parent  of  the  other  five  is 
silliness.     Your  desire  to  see  your  honorable  husband 
to-be  is  silliness. 

LING 

Leave  on  the  knees  of  the  Gods  the  joy  of  your  first 
sight  of  him.  It  comes  soon  enough. 

(The    bearers    set    down    the    chair.) 

Li-Ti 

I  have  heard  that  he  is  old,  and  that  he  poisoned  his 
brother  so  that  he  could  take  his  estates,  and  that  his 
brother's  heir  ran  away  from  him. 

LING 

It  is  incredible  that  I  hear  these  words  in  your  mouth 
after  our  teaching. 

LANG 

Some  sprouts  do  not  blossom,  some  blossoms  bear  no 
seed.  You  are  a  stranger  to  us. 

Li-Ti 

(She  descends  from  her  chair.     She  is  very  small  and 

sways  on  her  bound  feet) 

I  am  not  myself.  I  am  so  soon  to  be  some  one 
else  —  the  wife  of  a  man  that  is  old  and  greedy.  I 
will  drink  only  his  will,  and  eat  only  his  thoughts  — 
he  who  I  know  poisoned  his  brother  for  money. 

(The  bearers  arrange  a  low  stool  for  Li-Ti 
and  the  little  boy  holds  an  umbrella  over  her. 
The  governesses  take  their  place  standing  in 


io       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

front  of  her  and  unroll  their  long  yellow  scrolls. 
They  also  have  a  boy  to  hold  their  umbrella. 
The  bearers  take  off  the  chair.} 

LING 

Servants'  chatter.  Only  girls  and  servants  are  hard 
to  train.  Draw  near  to  them  and  they  grow  unruly; 
hold  them  off  and  they  pay  you  with  spite. 

LANG 

Remember  that  thou  art  young.  What  thou  dost 
know  is  not  to  be  compared  with  what  thou  dost  not 
know. 

Li-Ti 

It  is  common  talk.  Why  then  did  his  brother's  only 
son  and  heir  run  away? 

LING 

Because  he  was  a  worthless  ne'er-do-well  and  shame 
lessly  preferred  the  freedom,  as  he  called  it,  of  vaga 
bondage,  to  the  honorable  responsibility  of  his  father's 
estate.  That  is  common  talk  also. 

Li-Ti 

Very  like  he  did  not  care  for  the  responsibility  of 
such  an  uncle. 

LANG 

It  ill  fits  your  mouth  to  speak  thus.  If  the  shiftless 
Fang-Tai  were  to  return  and  claim  his  lands  before  the 
allotted  time  when  they  legally  belong  to  his  uncle, 
you  would  not  have  a  round  penny  as  a  wife. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        n 

Li-Ti 

Then  my  father  would  not  have  me  be  a  wife  at  all. 
That  would  be  pleasing. 

LING 

Undutiful  girl!     Let  us  go  to  our  lessons. 

(They  unroll  the  long  strips  of  parchment.} 

LANG 

Your  parent  has  instructed  us  to  impart  one  more 
lesson  in  the  histories  of  the  flowers  before  you  go  to 
your  husband  to  delight  him  with  your  knowledge. 
Recite,  I  pray  you,  the  complete  ancestry  of  the  mari 
gold. 

Li-Ti 

(In  a  singsong} 

Fathered  first  by  our  lord  the  Sun,  whose  sevenfold 
beams  falling  on  the  plant  wove  into  curling  petals, 
and  then  the  sweet  West  Wind  in  passing  from  the 
bazaars  of  the  great  spice  grove  scattered  in  a  pinch  of 
—  of  —  cinnamon  — 

LING 
Fie,  fie  —  a  pinch  of  musk. 

Li-Ti 

A  pinch  of  musk,  and  Ku-Wu  the  bee  with  the 
golden  stripes  fashioned  for  it  in  the  heart  of  the 
flower  a  pouch  of  tiny  petals  —  so  now  —  so  now  — 
Will  Poa-Ting-Fang,  my  future  husband,  be  angry 
with  me?  I  have  forgotten  what  comes  next. 


12       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

LING 

He  will  rap  the  tips  of  your  ringers  and  leave  you 
alone  in  the  pavilion.  "  So  now  the  musk  — " 

Li-Ti 

I  do  not  know.  Let  us  go  to  the  gilly-flower.  That 
is  not  so  hard. 

LING 

Fie!  What  is  it  the  great  Sage  says  about  those 
who  take  the  easy  path? 

Li-Ti 

"  The  stones  will  be  slippery  and  they  will  twist 
their  feet." 

LANG 
So  now  the  musk  — 

(A  runner  enters  who  goes  to  the  governesses.) 

RUNNER 

The  Lord  Wang-Chu  would  confer  with  you  in 
the  inner  courtyard  on  a  matter  of  immediate  im 
portance. 

LANG 
We  come  at  once. 

LING 

(Thrusting  a  parchment  into   Ll-Ti's  hands) 
We  return  anon.     Waste  not  the  moments  we  are 
gone. 

LANG 

Listen  not  idly  to  the  drone  of  the  bees,  or  the 
dragonflies  will  sew  up  your  ears. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        13 

LING 

The  list  of  the  flowers  is  there.  Read  it  well,  and 
remember  each  in  its  place. 

LANG 

And  there  is  the  song  of  the  willow  flowers  for  the 
lute.  Last  time  the  notes  sounded  like  a  mouse  on  the 
strings. 

(LiNG  and  LANG  go  out  with  the  runner  and 
their  umbrella  man.  The  gardener  crosses  and 
begins  work  on  the  beds  about  the  pool.) 

Li-Ti 

(In  a  very  small  voice  as  she  strums  her  lute) 

"  O  willow  flowers  like  flakes  of  snow, 

Where  do  your  wandering  legions  go? 

Little  we  care  and  less  we  know ! 

Our  ways  are  the  ways  of  the  wind  — 

Our  life  in  the  whirl,  and  death  in  the  drifts  below." 

(She   turns   to    her   little   umbrella   boy,   who 
stands  patiently  first  on  one  leg  and  then  on  the 
other.) 
You  twist  so  that  your  shadow  flickers  like  a  moth 

in  the  grass  and  drives  the  cadence  out  of  my  head. 

Go  over  there  and  rest  —  I  do  not  mind  the  sun  on 

my  head. 

(He  marches  over  to  a  far  corner,  and  curling 
up  on  the  ground  under  his  umbrella  promptly 
falls  asleep.) 


i4        TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

Li-Ti 

(Running  a  finger  through  her  eyelashes} 
It  is  not  seemly  that  he  should  see  tears.  (She 
takes  up  the  parchment.}  The  green  verbena  is  the 
herb  that  the  willow  nymph  tried  to  crush  into  tea  for 
her  lover,  and  the  fragrance  of  her  hands  —  the  frag 
rance  of  her  hands —  (She  buries  her  face  in  her 
hands. } 

TAI 
(Humming  at  his  clipping} 

"  Prone  beside  the  Western  stream, 

In  the  lilied  dusk  I  dream. 

And  mocking  me  the  wind  of  spring 


Such  medley  of  perfume  doth  bring, 
I  cannot  tell  what  fragrance  blows, 
Nor  guess  the  lotus  from  the  rose." 

T       1- 

Li-Ti 

(Standing  up  and  looking  across  the  flower  beds} 
Who  is  it  sings  when  I  wish  to  be  sad? 

TAI 
It  is  I  —  Tai-Lo,  the  gardener. 

Li-Ti 

You  are  the  gardener?     Approach. 


(TAi-Lo  comes  before  her,  basket  on  arm  and  bows 
low.} 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        15 

Li-Ti 

Why  do  you  have  so  many  different  kinds  of  flowers 
in  the  garden? 

TAI 

So  they  will  bloom  as  varied  and  bright  as  the  hem 
of  your  celestial  skirt  that  brushes  them  as  you  pass. 

Li-Ti 
I  would  have  all  one  kind  —  all  gillyflowers. 

TAI 

The  garden  would  be  a  desert  —  brown  and  yellow 
—  deadening  to  the  eye. 

LI-TI 

I  would  like  it.     There  would  be  less  to  learn. 

TAI 

You  know  the  flower  lore  and  yet  would  have  the 
heart  to  turn  them  out  of  their  homes? 

Li-Ti 

Horrid,  stiff,  prickly  things!     Take  them  up  and 
put  in  gillyflowers ! 


(TAi-Lo  kneels  with  his  trowel  and  puts  one  or  two 
plants  in  his  basket.) 

LI-TI 

(As  she  watches  him,  she  strums  carelessly  on  her  lute) 


16       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

"  Through  the  green  blinds  that  shelter  me,    . 

Two  butterflies  at  play, 

Four  wings  of  flame  whirl  joyously 

Around  me  and  away, 

While  swallows  breasting  to  the  shore 

Ripple  the  waves  they  wander  o'er. 

And  I  that  scan  the  distant  view, 

Of  torn  white  clouds  and  mountains  blue  — 

TAI 

(Finishing  it  for  her} 
Lift  to  the  north  my  aching  eyes  — 
'Tis  there — 'Tis  there  the  city  lies  — 
Chang  —  An  arise !     Arise !  " 

Li-Ti 
You  know  that,  too? 

TAI 

I  am  an  exile.     I  know  another  wanderer  song  that 
might  please  you.      (He  takes  the  lute.} 

"  I  was  a  child  in  Yung-Yang, 
A  little  child  I  waved  farewell, 
After  long  years  I  dwell  again 
In  world  forgotten  Yung- Yang. 
Yet  I  recall  my  playtime, 
And  in  my  dreams  I  see 
The  little  ghosts  of  Maytime 
Waving  farewell  to  me. 

"  My  father's  house  in  Yung- Yang 
Has  fallen  upon  evil  days, 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        17 

No  kinsmen  o'er  the  crooked  ways 
Hail  me  as  once  in  Yung- Yang. 
No  longer  stands  the  old  Moot  hall, 
Gone  is  the  market  from  the  town. 
The  very  hills  have  tumbled  down, 
And  stoned  the  valleys  in  their  fall. 
Yet  I  recall  my  playtime, 
And  in  my  dreams  I  see 
The  little  ghosts  of  May  time, 
Waving  farewell  to  me." 

Li-Ti 

Do  flowers  have  ghosts? 

TAI 

(Returning  to  his  work) 

Yes  they  are  people.  Poor  little  marigold  lady! 
(He  holds  up  an  uprooted  plant.}  She  holds  the  lan 
terns  of  the  garden.  When  the  nights  are  dark  she 
lights  up  the  thick  green  jungle  so  the  katydids  can 
dance. 

Li-Ti 

(She  consults  her  paper} 

That  is  not  what  I  learned  about  the  marigold.  It 
is  much  prettier. 

TAI 

Ah,  what  you  know,  my  lady,  is  the  allegorical  an 
cestry,  very  befitting  one  of  your  quality.  But  this  is 
the  true  story  of  the  flowers  that  the  fairies  prick  on 
the  leaves.  And  the  golden  cup  that  the  dew  king  fills 
for  the  moon  fairies.  They  will  go  thirsty  after  their 
dance  to-night. 


18       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

Li-Ti 

You  need  not  pull  up  so  many.     What  is  the  little 
white  flower  by  your  foot? 

TAI 

They  are  the  slippers  of  the  firefly  elves  left  out  to 
dry  in  the  sun,  but  you  mustn't  tell  any  one. 

Li-Ti 
And  those  tall  green  ones  over  there? 

TAI 
Hush!  Mandarins  —  see  their  green  caps? 

LI-TI 

And  how  solemnly  they  nod  their  heads ! 

TAI 

And  how  the  bees  fly  in  and  out  telling  them  state 
secrets. 

Li-Ti 

0  how  dear  and  funny!      (She  peers  over  towards 
the  high  flowers.}      I  wonder  if  the  bees'  wings  tickle 
their  ears  —  they  buzz  so  —  I  wonder  how  it  feels  to 
have  a  bee  tell  you  secrets. 

TAI 
( Gravely  ) 

1  can  show  you.     This  is  the  way.      (He  kisses  her 
behind  her  fan.)     Are  you  angry,  celestial  lady? 

Li-Ti 
No  —  o.     It  must  be  rather  nice  to  be  a  flower. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        19 

TAI 
You  are  one. 

Li-Ti 

I  consider  you  only  as  a  bee  —  in  the  garden. 

TAI 

A  poor  sort  of  vagabond,  accountable  to  no  one  — 
flying  in  and  out  —  not  ever  staying  long  enough  to 
care  —  or  have  any  one  care  — 

Li-Ti 

You  shall  stay  and  tell  me  funny  stories. 

TAI 
All  my  poor  little  bee  secrets  are  yours,  lady. 

LI-TI 

And  sing  songs  about  —  Yung- Yang.  O,  I  wish  I 
had  known  there  was  a  bee  in  the  garden  before ! 

TAI 

The  bee  saw  the  flower  over  the  wall. 

LI-TI 

Oh  —  I  should  not  have  been  chattering  and  be 
having  in  this  unseemly  fashion.  Here  come  my  hon 
orable  governesses.  They  will  be  so  displeased  if  I 
am  not  occupied  in  a  fitting  manner.  Go  and  send 
over  the  umbrella  boy.  I  hope  I  have  not  faded  in 
the  sun.  (She  takes  up  her  lute.  The  umbrella  boy 
returns  to  stand  over  her.  TAl-Lo  goes  back  to  his 
work.} 


20       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

"  O  willow  flowers  like  flakes  of  snow, 
Where  do  your  wandering  legions  go? 
Little  we  care  and  less  we  know  — " 

(She  breaks  off  in  a  suppressed  giggle  that  turns 
into  a  grave  courtesy  as  the  governesses  hurry 
up.  They  are  out  of  breath  and  excited.) 

LING 
The  unheard  of  has  occurred! 

LANG 

O  most  unfortunate  of  girls! 

LING 

The  house  of  Mo  can  never  smile  again ! 

Li-Ti 

What  is  the  matter?     In  what  have  I  offended? 

LING 

Not  you.  It  is  that  the  great  Poa-Ting-Fang,  your 
future  husband-to-be,  while  walking  in  this  very  gar 
den  —  O  wretched  landscape  —  has  lost  his  emerald 
ring! 

LANG 

It  is  of  the  honorable  size  of  a  pigeon's  egg,  and 
worth  the  price  of  a  thousand  silver  mines. 

LING 

ivf^*-"  -""Inable  than  all  your  dowry. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        21 

LANG 

It  holds  in  its  secret  chamber  the  seal  of  his  house 
cut  from  the  tomb  of  his  first  ancestor  — 

LING 

Never  has  one  of  his  house  been  without  it! 

LANG 

And  it  slipped  from  his  august  finger  while  he  picked 
those  miserable  flowers! 

LING 

But  that  is  not  the  most  calamitous!  He  vows  he 
will  depart  in  anger  —  that  he  will  never  look  upon 
your  face  —  if  his  ring  is  not  returned.  It  is  an  ill 
omen  and  the  two  houses  cannot  come  together  un 
der  it. 

LANG 

The  garden  must  be  searched  to  the  very  seeds,  or 
you  will  be  scorned  as  a  bride  and  the  world  will 
laugh  at  our  rejected  house! 

Li-Ti 
It  does  not  appal  me  —  that  he  will  not  marry  me. 

LANG 

In  this  garden  it  vanished  —  the  ring  worth  sixty 
diamond  mines !  It  was  to  be  a  signet  of  your  mar 
riage.  How  can  he  overlook  the  omen  of  its  loss? 

LING 
Who  has  seen  it?    Who?    Who? 


22        TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

Li-Ti 

There  has  been  no  one  here  but  ourselves  —  and  the 
gardener. 

LANG 

That  is  it.  O  merciful  heaven  that  has  delivered 
him  into  our  hands.  (They  approach  TAi-Lo  who 
bows.  Ll-Tl  wanders  about  looking  in  the  beds.) 

LING 
Your  name? 

TAI 
Tai-Lo. 

LANG 

How  long  have  you  been  here,  and  why  did  you 
come? 

TAI 

I  have  been  gardener  among  your  honorable  flowers 
for  twice  seven  days. 

(Ll-Tl  stops  to  pick  up  something  that  glitters 
as  she  turns  it  in  her  hand.) 

LING 

And  before? 

TAI 

I  wandered. 

LANG 

Ah! 

LING 
And  your  reason  for  coming? 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        23 

TAI 

(Watching  Li-Ti  as  she  stands  in  the  sunlight) 
I  liked  the  flowers  in  your  garden. 

LING 

And  you  found  them  what  you  expected? 

TAI 

Better,  excellencies.      (He  bows.) 

(With  a  furtive  motion  Li-Ti  crouches  down 
and  buries  what  she  has  found  deep  in  the  soft 
earth  TAi-Lo  spaded  up.) 

LING 
Enough!     Seize  him! 

LANG 

"  A  flaw  can  be  ground  from  a  scepter  white  — 
A  slip  of  the  tongue  no  man  right." 

LING 

I  am  satisfied.  "Unruly  when  young — unmen- 
tioned  as  man,  undying  when  old  —  spells  good-for- 
nothing." 

Li-Ti 

(Coming  between  them) 
No! 

LANG 

Your  chair  waits.  In  a  moment  your  honorable 
father  and  the  wronged  Ting-Fang  will  be  here  to 
search  the  garden  —  and  the  gardener. 


24       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

Li-Ti 
Untie  him.     He  has  not  seen  the  ring. 

LING 
We  shall  see  — 

LANG 
What  we  shall  see. 

TAI 
There  are  ways  of  proving  that  I  have  not  the  ring. 

Li-Ti 
(She  has  ascended  her  chair.     She  twists  her  hands 

nervously} 

I  —  I —  (She  looks  at  TAI.)  I  will  see  that  you 
are  not  found  guilty. 

TAI 

Graciousness !  "  Richer  the  silver  of  your  voice 
than  in  the  hollow  pojols  that  make  moonlight  about 
your  ankles." 

LING 
"  Honeyed  words  confound  goodness." 

LANG 

"  The  vulgar  always  gloss  their  faults." 

LING 
Forward ! 

(The  bearers  carry  off  the  chair,  followed  by 
the  governesses  under  their  umbrella.  A  man 
stays  to  guard  TAi-Lo.) 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        25 

MAN 

Where  did  you  hide  it? 

TAI 

What? 

MAN 
The  ring. 

TAI 
I  have  not  seen  it. 

MAN 

I  will  take  it  safely  out  of  the  garden  and  we  will 
go  shares. 

TAI 

I  tell  you  I  have  not  seen  it.  It  is  fortunate  for  your 
master  that  I  am  gardener  here  instead  of  you. 

MAN 

Do  you  think  I  can  believe  you  such  a  fool  that  you 
were  working  here  on  the  very  bed  under  his  foot  when 
the  ring  slipped  from  his  finger  and  did  not  put  your 
hand  over  it?  Bah !  Tell  me  where  it  is  or  I'll  swear 
I  saw  you  swallow  it! 

TAI 

The  only  kind  of  fool  I  am  not,  is  to  tell  anything 
to  such  a  dirty  knave  as  you. 

MAN 
(Imperturbably  ) 

Everything  you  say  will  be  used  against  you. 


26       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

TAI 

I  have  no  doubt.  "  Trees  are  more  upright  than 
men." 

MAN 
"  Money  makes  a  blind  man  see." 

(WANG-CHU-Mo  and  PoA-TiNG-FANG,  under 
their  umbrellas,  come  into  the  garden.  They 
are  followed  by  servants  with  rakes.) 

WANG 

(Directing  the  men) 

Barely  touch  the  surface  of  the  earth  —  the  slightest 
scratch  may  bury  the  ring  beneath  it  as  you  work.  And 
remember:  you  are  held  responsible  if  we  fail.  Oh, 
my  honorable  guest  —  and  son-in-law  that  I  hope  you 
shall  still  be  —  would  I  could  heap  the  unworthy  dust 
of  this  garden  on  my  head  in  apology. 

FANG 

It  is  indeed  a  calamity  of  unmitigated  enormity. 
My  ancestral  jewel  is  of  the  size  of  a  pigeon's  egg  and 
of  the  value  of  a  thousand  silver  mines.  (He  consults 
notebook.)  Whereas  your  daughter's  dowry,  I  regret 
to  say,  does  not  possess  its  equivalent. 

WANG 

Its  equivalent  shall  be  found.  Where  is  the  gar 
dener  Lang-Tai-Tai  told  me  of? 

TAI-LO 
Here. 

(TAi-Lo  and  PoA-TiNG-FANG  stare  at  each 
other.) 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN       27 

WANG 

0  wretched  stork,  what  have  you  filched  with  your 
beak! 

POA 

1  would  question  this  man  —  alone. 

(WANG  goes  off,  fussily  directing  the  men  who 
scratch  the  flower  beds  with  their  rakes.) 

POA 
Fang-Tai ! 

TAI 

My  estimable  uncle! 

POA 
What  are  you  doing  here  ? 

TAI 

I  might  better  ask  the  same  —  what  are  you  doing 
here  —  in  my  father's  coat,  and  wearing  —  or,  rather, 
being  very  careless,  with  my  father's  signet  ring  — 
while  I,  my  father's  heir,  am  still  in  a  position  to  claim 
them?  But  I  fear  the  question  might  inconvenience 
you  — 

POA 
Very  unsuitable. 

TAI 

We  will  let  it  pass  since  it  is  of  my  own  free  will 
that  I  wander.  Be  benign  enough  to  assure  these  peo 
ple  that  I  am  no  thief  and  I  say  nothing. 


28        TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

POA 
And  how  long  do  you  continue  saying  nothing? 

TAI 

As  long  as  my  good  pleasure  and  your  good  be 
havior. 

POA 

Am  I  to  be  at  the  beck  and  call  and  in  constant  fear 
of  a  paltry  vagabond?  Oh,  my  high-bred  sensibilities! 
I  shudder  to  my  ringer  tips! 

TAI 

Most  unsuitable  of  you,  dear  uncle.  When  my 
father  died  I  chose  some  years  of  freedom  to  wander 
through  the  by-roads  unhampered  —  and  left  you  the 
freedom  and  the  care  of  the  estate.  It  was  my  favor 
that  gave  you  these  honors.  It  is  not  my  fault  if  you 
assume  too  much  —  take  too  much  —  and  force  me  to 
return. 

POA 

That  was  why  you  stole  the  ring  —  so  that  you 
could  prove  your  estate  instantly! 

TAI 

Your  morals,  my  uncle,  are  odd.  I  take  no  such 
method. 

POA 
Bah!     Hypocrisy! 

TAI 

I  have  seen  that  which  makes  me  think  I  shall  return 
in  any  case. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        29 

POA 

Am  I  to  give  up  my  position  —  my  hard-fought  gains 
—  my  improvements  won  by  the  sweat  of  my  toil  and 
the  clink  of  my  gold  — 

TAI 
My  gold. 

POA 

To  give  place  to  you  —  you  —  a  vagabond  squan 
derer  —  a  shiftless  pleasure  lover  —  who  would  waste 
and  change  and  turn  me  into  the  laughing  stock  of 
the  country? 

TAI 
No  doubt. 

POA 

It  is  unthinkable  —  that  I, —  I  should  have  to  give 
way  to  a  beardless  ne'er-do-well.  It  is  a  thousand 
deaths!  And  I  would  give  a  thousand  rings  to  have 
you  dead,  scourge  of  the  worthy! 

TAI 
No  doubt. 

POA 

You  mock  me  —  will  you  —  monkey -eared  frog  — 
you  — 

TAI 
Tell  these  people  that  I  am  no  thief,  and  have  done. 

POA 

They  would  not  believe  it. 


30       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

TAI 

I  have  around  my  neck  the  amulet,  the  duplicate 
of  the  sacred  amulet  in  my  father's  ring.  They  will 
believe  Tai-Fang. 

POA 

You  cannot  prove  a  grain  of  it.  The  amulet  of  a 
ragged  gardener.  It  might  be  any  stone. 

TAI 

The  ring  will  be  found  and  it  fits  there. 

POA 

I  will  throw  the  ring  into  the  river  before  it  is 
opened.  I  will  grind  it  under  my  heel  — 

TAI 

"  The  chase  of  gain  is  rich  in  hate  — "  My  uncle, 
do  you  think  there  is  a  man  on  our  estate  who  would 
not  know  me? 

POA 

But  here  —  here  they  do  not,  and  the  word  of  a 
vagrant  servant  is  the  wind  in  the  grass  —  empty. 
Whether  the  ring  is  found  or  not,  I  will  say  you  con 
fessed  to  stealing  it.  They  will  only  be  too  eager  to 
string  you  on  the  nearest  branch  to  appease  me.  And 
what  is  one  dead  gardener  more  or  less?  By  the  sacred 
Gods  that  guard  the  cornice  of  our  house,  I  will  do 
it  —  unless  you  swear  to  go  and  never  molest  me  again. 
You  swear? 

TAI 

I  do  not. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        31 

POA 

There  will  be  trial  and  court  in  this  very  garden  and 
you  will  be  hung. 

TAI 

If  it  happens  that  I  am  not  it  will  fare  hard  with 
you.  Hbw  well  I  see  now  that  "  Gold  is  tested  by 
fire  and  man  by  gold." 

POA 

You  will  never  go  out  of  that  gate  unless,  when  the 
rope  is  about  your  neck,  you  promise  me  on  the  grave 
of  your  ancestors  — 

TAI 

You  old  thief!  I'll  see  you  strangled  first!  (He 
tries  to  free  his  hands.} 

POA 

(  Calling  ) 

My  honorable  father-in-law.     This  man  is  violent! 
(WANG  hurries  up.) 

WANG 

He  confesses? 

POA 

To  having  disposed  of  the  ring.  My  astute  ques 
tioning  — 

TAI 

I  do  not. 

WANG 
Peace!     Lest  your  tongue  burn  in  your  mouth. 


32       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

POA 

My  intricate  insinuations  and  subtle  probes  have 
brought  the  taste  of  guilt  to  his  trembling  mouth. 

TAI 
You  lie!     My  Lord  Wang,  if  you  know  — 

WANG 

(Angrily} 
I  am  about  to  know. 

POA 

He  admits  to  having  taken  the  jewel  but  as  to 
where  he  has  hid  it,  he  has  the  cunning  and  secrecy  of 
the  weasel. 

WANG 

We  will  discover  at  once.  O  that  I  should  have 
nourished  such  a  viper  in  my  garden ! 

POA 

Eating  your  bread  and  lining  his  unworthy  pockets 
with  your  silver.  My  unhappy  friend,  I  indeed  grieve 
for  you. 

WANG 

It  can  be  crushed  out.  Tread  on  the  snake's  head, 
and  he  will  not  bite. 

POA 

I  truly  believe  that  nothing  would  give  me  greater 
happiness  than  to  see  your  garden  spot  cleared  of  all 
evil. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        33 

WANG 

O  most  felicitous  and  generous  guest !  Truly  "  to 
rank  the  effort  above  the  prize  may  be  called  Love." 
It  shall  be  cleared  of  Evil  — 

TAI 
One  moment. 

WANG 

Your  time  to  speak  shall  come. 

POA 

He  should  have  only  one  moment.  I  am  sincerely 
convinced  that  such  is  my  friendship  for  you  that  im 
mediate  removal  of  this  rascal  —  since  he  has  in  part 
confessed  —  would  greatly  tend  to  smooth  my  pride  in 
the  matter  of  the  ring  —  and  my  feeling  towards  your 
daughter  — 

WANG 

We  will  hold  a  court  at  once. 

POA 

Is  that  necessary,  in  a  case  of  such  confessed  guilt  ? 

WANG 

(Pompously} 

"  When  not  in  office  I  discuss  not  policy."  I  per 
form  no  deed  that  is  not  strictly  in  accordance  with  the 
mandates  of  the  law  — "  Gentlemen  cherish  worth ;  the 
vulgar  cherish  dirt.  Gentlemen  trust  in  justice;  the 
vulgar  trust  in  favor,"  says  Confucius.  But  this  will 
be  very  summary  —  just  a  few  ceremonies  in  this  gar 
den  —  we  will  not  disturb  the  festivities  outside. 


34       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

POA 
Most  laudable  intention.     But  no  strangers  I  pray 

—  no  fuss  —  no  scandal ;  of  all  things  I  deplore  scan 
dal  —  and  were  there  outsiders   I  would   feel  it  my 
painful  duty  to  explain  —  my  emerald  seal  — 

WANG 

No  one  but  ourselves  —  and  the  men  in  this  garden 

—  to  act  also  as  executioners  in  case  — 

POA 

Exactly  and  excellently   planned.     Worthy  father- 
in-law,  your  scheme  is  as  neat  as  a  snail  in  its  shell. 

TAI 
I  claim  the  right  to  defendants. 

WANG 

(Pointing  to  the  two  guards) 

These  can  be  your  defendants.     They  are  your  fel 
low  servants  and  know  the  most  about  you  here. 

POA 
Precise  as  a  crab  in  its  skin. 

TAI 
.Some  one  from  my  own  province  — 

POA 

Question  not  your  master's  generosity,  wretched  fel 
low.     Your  past  is  best  buried  in  obscurity. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        35 

WANG 

Unhappy  man,  the  crime  was  committed  here, 
Who  more  fitting  than  these  witnesses  ? 

POA 

My  father-in-law,  the  tea-leaf  eyelids  of  the  Sages 
would  quiver  at  your  perfect  comprehension  and  jus 
tice. 

TAI 

You  will  regret  this. 

POA 

Very  like.  I  am  tender-hearted  and  ever  hate  to 
witness  suffering. 

WANG 

I  depart  to  seek  the  law  books.  "  To  foster  right 
among  the  people  —  to  honor  the  ghosts  of  the  dead 
while  keeping  aloof  from  them  may  be  called  Wisdom." 

POA 

For  a  theft  of  over  a  thousand  gold  pieces  it  is  hang 
ing,  is  it  not?  My  ring  was  worth  twenty  thousand. 

WANG 
That  is  the  penalty. 

POA 

And  that  this  should  defile  your  garden!  In  my 
grief  for  you  I  feel  sorrow  and  desire  for  my  ring 
passing  away.  Is  it  not  dangerous  to  leave  these  men 
with  the  prisoner?  He  might  confer  falsely  or  even 
divulge  the  hiding  place  of  the  ring,  and  they  escape. 


36       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

WANG 

True.     Is  he  well  tied  ? 

GUARD 
Perfectly.      (TAi-Lo  is  roped  hand  and  foot.) 

WANG 

He  is  as  safe  there  as  a  clipped  sparrow,  and  we  will 
guard  the  gates.  Come,  men,  you  will  be  allowed  to 
confer  with  the  prisoner  for  his  defense  under  our 
eyes.  Ah,  if  all  would  hark  to  the  words  of  the  Sage 
— "  Living  on  coarse  rice  and  water  with  a  bent  arm 
for  pillow,  mirth  may  be  ours,  but  ill-begotten  wealth 
and  honorsrare  to  me  a  wandering  cloud." 

POA 

We  are  not  all  born  with  the  righteousness  of  Con 
fucius  in  our  breath  as  you  are,  my  esteemed  father-in- 
law-to-be. 

{They  walk  out  slowly) 

GUARD 

(In  TAi-Lo's  ear) 
Tell  me  where  it  is  —  that  ring  — 

TAI 

You  knave! 

GUARD 

Remember  then  —  by  Kong-Fu-Tsu,  I'll  say  you 
swallowed  it,  and  then — (He  makes  the  motion  of 
ripping  open  TAI'S  body  with  a  knife.)  It  is  not 
pleasant  even  with  a  sharp  knife  —  and  I  doubt  if  they 
wait  to  hang  you  first. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        3? 

WANG 
(Callinff) 
Come  here,  you  loiterers ! 

GUARD 
I  was  but  tightening  the  ropes. 

(The  GUARDS  go  out.)' 

(Li-Ti  enters  on  tip-toe.  She  sways,  and  ad 
vances  very  slowly.  Suddenly,  very  swiftly, 
she  stoops  and  feels  in  a  flower  bed.  TAl-Lo 
whistles  a  little  tune.) 

Li-Ti 

(Her  hands  behind  her} 
You  are  spying  on  me!     Oh! 

TAI 

If  you  move  your  celestial  path  to  another  circle,  I 
cannot  see  you. 

Li-Ti 
Oh,  poor  gardener  —  you  are  bound!     Does  it  hurt! 

TAI 
A  little,  but  not  so  much  as  that  you  should  see  me  so. 

LI-TI 

You  do  look  funny!  Ah,  I  did  not  mean  that  —  I 
will  see  that  you  are  unbound.  I  want  to  hear  you 
talk  again.  I  hate  to  see  you  so.  Can't  you  move? 

TAI 

My    position    is    honorably    uncomfortable.     Your 


38       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

august  father  is  pleased  to  accuse  me  of  taking  your 
estimable  husband-to-be's  ring. 

Li-Ti 

But  you  did  not.  They  were  estimably  in  the 
wrong. 

TAI 

You  believe  I  did  not  steal?  Your  words  are  as 
sweet  as  the  song  of  the  Fung-Noang,  the  wonder- 
birds. 

Li-Ti 

Would  it  free  you  if  the  ring  were  found?  If  the 
emerald  the  size  of  a  pigeon's  egg  and  the  value  of 
sixty  pagodas  of  pearl  were  to  be  spaded  up  in  this 
flower-bed  ? 

TAI 
I  am  afraid  not. 

Li-Ti 
It  would  not  matter? 

TAI 
You  are  pleased? 

Li-Ti 

Oh,  it  is  only  a  little  matter  —  something  to  do  with 
myself,  and  not  at  all  important  as  your  troubles  are. 
It  is  only  that  if  the  ring  were  not  found,  I  heard  it 
said  that  Poa-Ting-Fang  —  my  husband-to-be  —  would 
look  upon  me  with  frowning,  and  not  take  me  to  his 
house,  but  go  away. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN       39 

TAI 
You  do  not  want  to  marry  him? 

Li-Ti 

I  have  heard  that  he  is  old  and  ugly  and  stupid,  and 
likes  dry  things  to  learn  by  rote  instead  of  —  of  know 
ing  nice  pretty  flower  stories  such  as  — 

TAI 
As  I  know? 

Li-Ti 

Yes.  But  I  must  not  take  up  all  the  time  with  this 
idle  chatter  of  my  affairs.  There  must  be  found  a 
way  to  free  you  and  then  the  ring  will  never  be  found. 
Oh,  I  would  stamp  it  to  pieces  myself  rather  than  that, 
and  I  would  never  have  to  learn  any  more  stupid  lists 
for  Ting-Fang  —  only  funny  flower  stories  here  in  the 
garden  with  you,  and  we  would  be  so  happy  and  care 
free.  Wouldn't  we? 

TAI 

It  would  be  as  a  thousand  springtimes.  I  wish  it 
were  possible. 

LI-TI 

Why  not? 

TAI 

You  yourself  have  poured  water  on  the  last  spark 
of  hope. 

LI-TI 

You  think  the  ring  could  free  you  after  all? 

TAI 
If  anything.     But  speak  not  of  that. 


40       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

Li-Ti 

I  must  (in  a  very  faint  voice)  ;  and  the  ring  shall 
be  found. 

TAI 

I  hope  not,  for  your  honorable  sake.  You  will  stay 
in  the  garden  and  talk  to  the  bright  lilies,  and  all  the 
wicked  lacquered  goblins  on  the  cornice  of  the  house  of 
Ting-Fang  shall  wriggle  their  fire-colored  tongues  in 
vain,  for  they  shall  not  have  you  to  eat. 

Li-Ti 
But  I  should  not  like  it  if  you  were  not  here. 

TAI 

You  think  so?  To-night  even  in  the  great  citron 
light  of  sunset  when  the  Three  Councillors  open  their 
cold  bright  eyes  in  the  Northern  sky,  you  will  have 
forgotten. 

Li-Ti 

No!     Your  ghost  would  come  to  me. 

TAI 

Do  not  fear  for  me.  "  Those  who  have  not  tasted 
the  bitterest  of  Life's  bitters  can  never  appreciate  the 
sweetest  of  Life's  sweets."  And  even  if  the  emerald 
should  be  found  growing  like  a  celestial  magic  leaf  upon 
these  flower  stems,  there  are  those  to  say  I  hid  it,  and 
that  is  theft  confessed. 

Li-Ti 

But  if  some  one  else  were  to  say  he  took  it? 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN       41 

TAI 

0  jewel  in  the  lotus,  do  you  think  others  wait  to 
hang  in  my  stead  ? 

Li-Ti 

(Slowly) 

1  could  not  live,  and  think  that  I  had  harmed  you. 

TAI 
That  is  very  kind. 

Li-Ti 
You  do  not  believe  me?     It  is  true! 

TAI 

Did  you  not  just  say,  Almond  Flower,  that  it  was 
your  happiness  for  the  ring  not  to  be  found?  That 
is  proof. 

Li-Ti 

When  I  think  of  going  with  that  dreadful  old  man, 
it  is  like  holding  my  hand  in  a  crab's  tooth.  But  a 
way  will  be  found  to  free  you.  It  must. 

TAI 

To  argue  with  you,  little  one,  is  like  throwing  water 
in  a  frog's  face. 

Li-Ti 
Oh,  you  are  so  funny!     Have  I  a  face  like  a  frog? 

TAI 
More  like  a  lotus  petal. 


42       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

Li-Ti 

Ah,  I  cannot  bear  it !  I  must  tell  you  —  it  is  a 
secret  — 

TAI 
Tell  me.     The  dead  have  no  tongues  to  wag. 

Li-Ti 
Don't  say  it!     Tai-Lo,  you  are  not  going  to  die! 

TAI 
That  is  nonsense.     What  is  your  secret  ? 

Li-Ti 

It  is  that  I  —  Oh,  I  dare  not  —  I  cannot — (She 
hides  her  face  behind  her  fan.) 

TAI 

Your  esteemed  father  and  his  honorable  guest  your 
husband-to-be  are  approaching.  It  would  not  be 
seemly  that  they  find  you  in  converse  with  a  prisoner. 

Li-Ti 

(Looking  up  steadily  over  her  fan} 
Good-by.  Tai-Lo. 

TAI 

Good-by. 

(Li-Ti  vanishes  in  the  bushes.} 
(WANG-CHU-Mo  and  PoA-TiNG-FANG  enter, 
followed  by  servants  bearing  two  high  gilded 
chairs.  Two  others  carry  parasols,  and  an 
other  books,  papers,  and  a  long  quill  pen.  One 
man  has  a  heavy  rope  slung  over  his  arm.  At 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN       43 

a  reasonable  distance  the  two  governesses  follow, 
whispering  importantly  under  their  umbrella. 
The  bearers  put  down  the  chairs  and  WANG 
and  POA  ascends  them,  the  umbrellas  being 
held  over  their  heads.  A  scribe  sits  cross- 
legged  at  their  feet,  with  his  materials  spread 
before  him.  The  governesses  stand  behind 
WANG'S  chair,  and  the  servants  in  a  row  be 
hind  POA'S.  WANG  motions  for  TAi-Lo  to  be 
unbound.  He  comes  to  stand  in  front  of  the 
chairs. ) 

WANG 

(Reading  from  a  book) 

"  To  leave  untaught  and  then  kill  is  cruelty ;  to  ask 
full  tale  without  warning  is  tyranny.  To  give  care 
less  orders  and  be  strict  when  the  day  comes  is  rob 
bery;  to  be  stingy  in  rewarding  men  is  littleness." 
Court  is  open.  This  man  is  accused  of  a  theft  sur 
passing  the  mark  of  ten  thousand  gold  pieces.  I  be 
ing  judge  of  this  province  may  acquit  him,  or  find  him 
guilty.  If  he  is  found  guilty,  he  may  be  hanged. 

POA 

(Fanning  himself) 
Most  suitable,  most  suitable. 

WANG 

Who  stands  against  this  man? 

POA 
(Rising) 

I  do. 


44       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

(Several   of   the   servants   bow,   and   the  gov 
ernesses  come  forward  timidly.} 

WANG 

(Speaking  to  the  SCRIBE) 
Put  down  the  names. 

POA 
Of  us  all  — 

WANG 

Yes,  all  except  those  two.  (He  points  to  the  two 
guards  of  TAi-Lo.)  They  are  to  speak  for  the 
prisoner. 

POA 

(Coldly) 

Ah,  those.  (He  leans  over  to  them.)  Merely  tech 
nical,  my  men,  I  assure  you.  There  will  be  no  pen 
alty  attached  for  you  if  your  —  ah  —  client  —  is  found 
guilty. 

TAI 
I  will  speak  for  myself. 

GUARD 
(In  his  ear) 
And  what  have  you  to  say  to  me? 

TAI 
That  you  can  go  to  the  devil. 

(The  guard  whispers  vindictively.) 

TAI 

You  blackguard!     (He  falls  on  the  man,  half  knock- 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        45 

ing  him  down,  and  is  pulled  back  by  the  other  guard. 
WANG  and  POA  both  rise.     The  governesses  scream.} 

WANG 
(Shrilly) 

Stop  it  there!  How  dare  you,  vagrant  beetle  that 
you  are,  interrupt  and  insult  the  honor  of  the  court 
before  my  eyes!  Oh,  lamentable  viciousness! 

POA 
Scandalous ! 

WANG 

(Sinking  back  in  his  chair ,  the  guards  having  pulled 
TAI-LAO  back) 

An  execrable  beginning. 

POA 

Contemptible.     To  maul  his  very  fellow  defendant! 

TAI 

It  is  not  as  you  think,  Lord  Wang;  if  you  will  hear 
me,  this  man  — 

POA 
Out  of  order.     (Fanning.)     Tales,  tales. 

WANG 

Out  of  order,  certainly!  and  there  is  nothing  to 
excuse  your  incredible  actions.  "  The  people  are  the 
root  of  a  country,  if  the  root  is  firm,  the  country  will 
be  tranquil;  if  the  root  is  rotten,  the  country  breaks 
like  a  house  with  a  cracked  floor." 


46       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

GUARD 

I  refuse  to  answer  for  this  man.  I  want  to  accuse 
him  — 

POA 
Very  proper  spirit,  very  proper. 

GUARD 
I  can  tell  you  — 

WANG 

All  in  appropriate  time.  Put  his  name  down  there. 
(He  raps  sharply  on  the  arm  of  his  chair  with  his  fan.) 
Proceed!  We  will  omit  the  formalities  and  come  to 
the  accusations. 

SCRIBE 

(Reading  from  his  papers  in  a  high  singsong} 
The  gardener,  Tai-Lo,   is  accused  of  theft  in  the 
third  degree  of  — 

POA 
Time  presses. 

WANG 

Come  to  the  list  of  evidence. 

SCRIBE 

First:  He  was  known  to  be  alone  in  the  garden 
when  the  great  and  honorable  Lord  Poa-Ting-Fang  lost 
his  most  precious  emerald  ring  —  clear  as  the  sunset 
after  rain  —  of  the  size  of  a  pigeon's  egg  —  and  the 
value  of  ten  thousand  silver  mines.  He  was  seen  to 
work  under  the  very  feet  of  the  great  Poa-Ting-Fang 
as  the  ring  slipped  from  his  ringer  — > 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN       47 

TAX 

If  he  knew  when  it  fell,  why  did  he  not  pick  it  up  ? 

WANG 

Again,  silence. 

POA 

Note  that  down  —  if  he  knew  —  if  he  knew. 
(Making  a  note  in  his  book.) 

SCRIBE 

Second:  He  confessed  openly  to  have  been  a  wan 
dering  beggar  and  questionable  character  before  his 
entering  as  a  gardener  only  a  few  days  before  the 
notable  Poa-Ting-Fang  was  due  for  a  visit,  and  he 
admitted  in  the  access  of  his  unworthy  triumph  that  he 
had  found  the  gleanings  of  the  garden  even  more  than 
he  had  expected. 

LING 

That  we  found  out  — 

LANG 

He  admitted  it  to  us. 

POA 
Most  admirable  example  of  female  intelligence! 

LING 

(  To  LANG,  as  they  settle  back) 
"  A  man   thinks   he   knows,   but   a  woman   knows 
better." 

SCRIBE 
Third :     The  guilty  one  is  known  to  have  confessed 


48       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

to  taking  the  ring  —  into  the  august  ear  of  Poa-Ting- 
Fang  himself. 

POA 

Is  that  not  sufficient? 

SCRIBE 

Though,  being  as  a  weasel  in  his  ways,  he  will  not 
confess  where  he  has  hid  away  the  jewel.  (He  rolls 
up  his  paper,  and  sits  down.) 

TAI 

Poa-Ting-Fang  has  made  my  confession  incomplete 
because  he  does  not  know  any  more  than  I  do  where 
the  ring  is. 

POA 
Does  the  court  permit  this  slander  on  my  person? 

WANG 

We  will  hear  the  man  though  his  ridiculous  insinua 
tions  are  hardly  worth  the  attentions  of  our  august  ear. 
"  But  he  who  contains  himself  goes  seldom  wrong," 
says  the  wise  man.  We  will  listen  though  it  be  wind 
in  our  ears. 

POA 

"  Politeness  before  force." 

TAI 
I  have  not  seen  the  ring. 

POA 

That  is  an  —  ah  —  inaccuracy.  The  person  has 
seen  the  jewel  on  this  very  hand,  flashing  in  the  sun 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        49 

before  his  greedy  eyes  —  as  I  walked  in  the  garden. 
Could  any  one  have  overlooked  the  sacred  emerald  of 
the  house  of  Fang?  Of  the  value  of  five  hundred 
Ming  vases  all  fragile  as  the  wings  of  a  moth?  His 
statement  is  worthless. 

TAI 

Yes,  my  uncle,  my  esteemed  and  proud  relative,  I 
have  seen  the  ring  —  on  my  father's  finger  it  was  —  my 
father  —  whose  estates  you  will  steal  to  your  own  ends 
—  seen  it  with  my  eyes  —  the  eyes  of  Fang-Tai  —  my 
father's  son. 

POA 

His  guilt  has  gone  to  his  head.  Too  bad,  too  bad. 
"  Memory  makes  dizzy  his  thought  like  the  perfume  of 
some  venomous  flower." 

WANG 

What  proof  have  you  for  this  monstrous  imper 
tinence? 

TAI 

"  When  a  bird  is  to  die  his  note  is  sad,  when  a  man 
is  to  die,  his  words  are  true."  Do  you  deny  that  I  am 
your  nephew,  Lord  Ting- Fang? 

POA 

Most  certainly.  My  Lord  Wang-Mo,  do  you  per 
mit  this  man  to  question  whether  I  know  my  own 
nephew?  Indeed  "  if  the  tongue  have  no  fear,  words 
are  hard  to  make  good." 


WANG 

Consider  which  way  your  tongue  goes.  How  can 
you  utter  such  an  assertion? 

POA 

"  The  charioteer  of  Resolve  has  lost  control  of  the 
wild  team  of  Fancy." 

GOVERNESSES 
(Behind  their  fans) 
Very  pretty  —  very  pretty. 

(POA  smiles  indulgen  ly.) 

TAI 

(Holding  out  an  amulet  that  is  a  string  about  his  neck) 
I  have  here  the. perfect  duplicate  of  the  sacred  amulet 
of  the  house  of  Fang,  the  secret  seal  of  our  ancestors, 
given  only  to  the  first  sons  of  our  house. 

POA 
Very  unlikely. 

TAI 

And  any  man  from  our  province  would  know  me  — 
I  can  tell  you  the  secret  and  inmost  furnishings  of  our 
palace  — 

POA 

The  man  must  have  a  whole  band  of  accomplices  to 
lie  for  him. 

GOVERNESSES 
"  Evil  is  not  hermit.     It  has  ever  neighbors." 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        51 

POA 
Exact  and  just. 

TAI 

Do  you  deny,  Poa-Ting-Fang,  that  in  the  hidden 
corner  of  your  chamber  — 

POA 

Whose  word  is  to  be  taken  —  this  vagabond's  or 
mine?  Are  my  household  gods  to  be  dragged  out  and 
shamed  before  the  whole  countryside  —  and  in  the 
mouth  of  every  lying  rascal?  I  have  said  that  he  is  a 
thief.  My  word  is  used  as  carelessly  as  a  lead  penny. 
(He  rises.)  This  court  shall  keep  me  no  longer.  I 
will  go  forth,  and  say  that  it  is  no  court. 

WANG 

My  most  exalted  guest,  your  word  is  as  valuable  as 
a  ruby.  Into  a  court  is  sifted  both  chaff  and  grain. 
We  must  winnow  all.  Be  satisfied  that  the  affair  will 
be  settled  here  —  and  take  it  no  further.  (PoA  seats 
himself.) 

POA 
(Sulkily) 

"  Long  visits  make  short  compliments." 

WANG 

You  have  an  amulet? 

POA 
Like  most  gardeners  —  apes  are  we  all. 


52       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

GOVERNESSES 
Yes,  yes,  apes. 

WANG 

Speak  slowly  —  and  take  heed  of  your  words  — 
concerning  it.  The  offense  is  great.  How  can  you 
prove  your  assertion  here  and  now? 

TAI 

The  amulet  is  cut  so  cunningly  that  it  fits  into  a 
hidden  part  of  the  ring  of  our  house. 

POA 
And  the  ring  is  lost!     Very  neat,  very  neat. 

WANG 

You  testify  to  your  own  guilt. 

TAI 
I  dare  you  to  find  the  ring,  Poa-Ting-Fang. 

GUARD 
He  can't  do  it!     He  can't  do  it! 

WANG 
Why  not? 

GUARD 

(Pointing  to  TAI-Lo) 
Because  he's  swallowed  it! 

ALL 
Swallowed  it! 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        53 

TAI 

That  —  that  is  too  absurd ! 

GUARD 
(Vindictively) 

When  he  knew  he  was  caught  —  he  did  it  —  to  hide 
his  guilt  — 

TAI 

And  how  do  you  prove  that? 

GUARD 
(Significantly) 
There  is  one  way  to  prove  it  —  quick  and  sure. 

WANG 

This  is  most  distressing! 

POA 

Most  shocking  to  my  delicate  sensibilities  — 

GUARD 

Will  you  hang  him  first?  My  Lord,  does  such  a 
liar  deserve  it  ? 

POA 

Perhaps  the  guard  is  right  —  and  since  the  man 
claims  to  exalted  ancestry,  however  knavish  his  asser 
tions,  that  is  a  more  —  ah  —  aristocratic  way  of  —  ah 
committing  suicide.  But,  oh,  my  tender  perceptions. 

WANG 

I  must  complete  my  duty  and  the  law. 


54       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

GUARD 
(Delightedly  producing  a  knife  in  one  hand  and  a  rope 

in   the  other} 

Have  I  your  august  permission  to  — 
(The  bushes  part  suddenly  and  Ll-Tl  appears.) 

Li-Ti 
(Shrilly) 

No! 

WANG 

My  daughter! 

POA 

My  future  bride!  (He  modestly  hides  his  face  be 
hind  his  fan.) 

WANG 

This  is  the  culmination  of  unseemliness!  Unhappy 
girl! 

Li-Ti 

(Prostrating  herself) 

I  will  walk  in  obedience  all  my  life.  I  will  be  faith 
ful  and  light  lanterns  before  all  the  household  gods, 
and  obey  your  slightest  eyelid  quiver  as  your  most  sub 
servient  and  unworthy  wife,  my  Lord  Ting-Fang,  but 
I  cannot  live  and  know  that  such  a  crime  was  done  in 
my  name. 

WANG 

In  your  name  ?  , 

Li-Ti 
Oh,  a  thousand  pardons,  most  august  and  best  of 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN       55 

fathers  —  ten  thousand,  O  most  exalted  husband-to-be 
—  but  I  with  my  miserable  eyes  had  never  beheld  the 
countenance  of  my  Lord  Ting- Fang  —  and  knew  that 
he  could  care  naught  for  one  so  lowly  as  I  —  and  I 
found  —  O,  a  million  apologies,  most  celestial  ones  — 
that  my  unworthy  heart  was  not  with  him  —  that  it  lay 
in  the  hand  of  another  —  and  when  I  heard  —  from 
all  mouths  that  my  Lord  Ting-Fang  would  not  have 
me  if  his  ring  were  not  found  —  I  thought  only  of 
myself  in  my  unhappiness  —  and  I  saw  the  ring  where 
it  lay  fallen  in  our  most  unworthy  garden,  slipped 
from  his  august  ringer  —  and  I  stole  it. 

WANG 
You! 

Li-Ti 

Yes.  Cover  me  with  a  thousand  confusions.  Bury 
me  forever  in  the  cold  cells  of  the  sacred  Pagoda.  But 
do  not  harm  Tai-Lo.  (She  holds  out  her  hand.} 
Here  it  is. 

POA 

{Coming  suddenly  down  from  his  chair) 
Let  me  see. 

TAI 
(Forestalling    him,   and    covering    the   ring   with    his 

hand} 
No. 

LING 

(Catching  a  sleeve  of  Li-Ti  and  pulling   her  back} 
Little  spider  —  is  this  how  you  reward  our  teaching ! 


56       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

LANG 

(Pulling  her  by  the  other  sleeve) 
"  The    five    worst    infirmities    that    afflict    women 
are—" 

WANG 
Peace. 

TAI 

Behold;  my  Lord  Wang.      (He  holds  the  ring  and 
his  amulet  together  in  his  hand.) 

WANG 
Complete.     How  strange  indeed  are  the  Gods! 

TAI 
There  will  now  be  time  to  prove  more  — 

POA 

(With  a  majestic  wave  of  his  hand) 
My  worthy  and  honorable  Lord  Wang-Chu-Mu, 
and  others  that  are  here,  I  admit  that  this  person  is 
unfortunately  my  nephew.  I  admit  that  I  denied  him 
before  you.  I  admit  that  I  would  rather  have  my 
tender,  high-strung  sensibilities  racked  to  their  core 
as  they  would  have  been  by  the  shedding  of  my  own 
flesh  and  blood  and  the  thrice  regrettable  demise  of 
my  unfortunate  nephew  than  to  have  the  lands  of  my 
ancestors  ravaged  and  the  gods  of  my  household  pro 
faned  by  falling  into  the  hands  of  a  profligate  and  a 
waster.  But  through  the  interruption  of,  I  may  say 
with  a  blush,  your  unmaidenly  daughter,  all  this  can 
not  be.  But  the  hem  of  my  skirt  will  be  clear  of  it 
from  now  on.  I  resign  my  lands  into  the  hands  of 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        57 

this  rascal,  preferring  that  they  perish  quickly  and 
without  the  open  scandal  of  a  lawsuit  with  such  as  he. 
And  you,  Wang-Mu,  I  congratulate  you  that  you  have 
not  had  the  inconvenience  of  having  your  daughter  re 
turned  to  you,  as  she  surely  must  have  been  had  I  seen 
her  in  my  house.  I  leave  her  to  my  nephew.  I  fear 
they  are  only  too  well  suited  to  each  other.  I  have 
the  pleasure  of  bidding  you  an  honorable  farewell. 
And  try,  I  beg  you,  though  I  fear  it  will  be  difficult,  to 
remember  that  "  A  gentleman  is  consistent  and  change 
less  and  a  combination  of  art  and  nature  well  blent." 

{He  moves  off  with  great  dignity,  signing  to  a 
man  to  follow  him  with  an  umbrella.  All 
bow.} 

WANG 

Alas!     Like  the  famous  man,  "  He  wears  a  mask  of 
love  but  his  deeds  belie  it." 

LING 
Such  a  splendid  creature! 

LANG 

Like  the   full   moon   his   face,   with   eyebrows   like 
swallows'  wings  — 

TAI 
My  uncle  has  always  dignity  and  discretion. 

WANG 

Completely  polite. 

(PoA-TiNG-FANG  disappears.) 


58       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 

TAI 

May  I  have  the  honor  of  suggesting  that  I  am  now 
as  my  uncle  —  though  undoubtedly  somewhat  less 
august  and  complete  in  my  gifts  —  and  stand  in  the 
most  exalted  shoes  of  your  son-in-law-to-be? 

WANG 

I  will  consult  the  law  upon  that  most  desirable 
point.  My  garden  is  yours,  and  my  house  —  and  all 
that  I  have. 

(He  goes  off  slowly,  followed  by   the  scribe, 
chair  and  the  others.     All  bow  deeply.) 

TAI 

(To  Li-Ti) 
So  that  was  your  secret? 

Li-Ti 

(Prostrating  herself) 
Oh,  most  honorable  lord,  forgive  my  boldness. 

TAI 

(Lifting  her  to  him) 

You  would  have  sacrificed  yourself  so  no  harm 
should  come  to  me.  It  gives  faith  to  a  poor  vagabond 
to  take  up  the  works  of  his  ancestors  again. 

(The   bearers  come   back   with   Li-Ti's  chair. 
She  ascends  it.) 

TAI 

I  shall  remember  that  the  first  day  I  saw  you  was 
the  birthday  of  a  thousand  flowers,  and  each  succeeding 
day  will  be  the  unfolding  of  a  new  petal. 


TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN        59 

Li-Ti 

Oh,  most  honorable  one!  I  will  have  no  more  se 
crets  from  you  —  I  will  tell  you  all. 

TAI 

In  a  garden  —  where  there  are  plenty  of  bees.  (He 
bows.  The  bearers  carry  off  her  chair.  LING  and 
LANG  follow.) 

(As  the  chair  reaches  the  opposite  of  the  pool 
Li-Ti  leans  out  and  throws  him  a  kiss.  TAI- 
Lo  follows  them  out  slowly,  humming  the  same 
tune  as  when  he  first  came  into  the  garden.) 


60       TOLD  IN  A  CHINESE  GARDEN 


Any  garden  could  be  used  for  this  play. 

To  make  it  appear  Chinese,  large  flat  gray  sil 
houettes,  cut  to  represent  the  stone  lanterns  and  pagoda 
ornaments  so  often  seen  in  Chinese  gardens  could  be 
easily  made,  and  placed  about. 

It  is  pretty  to  have  a  little  walk  or  vista  down  which 
the  processions  can  come  on  entering  the  garden.  The 
bright  colored  costumes  are  very  effective  against  the 
green. 

For  amateur  production,  Chinese  costumes  and  prop 
erties  are  easy  to  find,  and  the  coolie  costumes  can  be 
very  effective  with  soft  colored  smocks  and  peaked 
straw  hats. 

FOR  INDOOR  PRODUCTION 

A  simple  scene  would  be  — 

A  white  wall  extends  across  the  back  of  the  stage, 
with  a  little  red  door  let  in  on  one  side,  through  which 
the  characters  enter  into  the  garden.  The  top  of  the 
wall  is  colored  with  a  band  of  scarlet,  blue  and  gold 
tiles,  and  perhaps  the  curving  scarlet  tip  of  a  Chinese 
roof  shows  over  the  top  of  the  wall  against  the  vivid 
blue  sky.  The  grass  in  the  garden  is  very  bright  green, 
with  a  little  pebble  path  running  through  it,  and  prim 
flower  beds  against  the  wall,  and  in  the  foreground, 
brilliant,  stiff  flowers.  On  either  side,  stunted,  Chinese 
pines,  in  lacquered  pots.  For  ornament,  two  red  lac 
quered  sitting  Chinese  dogs  guarding  the  door  in  the 
-all. 


PAN  PIPES 

A  WOODLAND  PLAY 


PAN  PIPES1 
A  WOODLAND  PLAY 

SCENE.     A  wooded  hillside. 
TIME.     A  summer  afternoon. 


CHARACTERS 

HARRY,  of  the  Luxurio  Stores. 
CLARE,  his  fiancee. 
A  NYMPH. 
THE  FAUN. 

1  Copyright,  1919,  by  Constance  Wilcox. 


PAN   PIPES 
(A  FAIRY  TALE) 

f  j  jHE  scene  is  an  open  hillside  with  long  grass, 
i       sunlit  and  rippling  in   the  wind.     On   either 

"^  side  woodland  encroaches  with  old  gray  trees 
and  thick  twisted  undergrowth.  A  gnarled  oak  stands 
out  a  little  by  itself,  against  a  blue  and  white  sky.  A 
shrill  piping  is  heard  to  drift  across  from  the  wood.  It 
is  high  and  eerie  and  suddenly  melts  into  silence. 

HARRY  and  CLARE  appear  from  the  back  over  the 
curve  of  the  hillside.  HARRY  is  a  stocky  youth  in  the 
latest  of  pink  shirts  and  black  and  white  check  trousers. 
He  carries  his  coat  over  his  arm  and  fans  himself  with 
a  very  new  straw  hat.  His  face  is  red  and  hot  and  his 
dark  hair  plastered  in  a  wet  straggle  over  his  fore 
head.  CLARE  is  a  tiny  creature  in  bright  green,  her 
hands  thrust  in  the  sagging  pockets  of  her  sweater. 
She  is  capped  with  a  turned  up  black  and  green  silk 
sport  hat.  Under  its  close  brim  her  hair  puffs  out  each 
side  of  her  pointed  face,  a  bright  straw  yellow.  She 
is  quite  pale  but  gives  the  effect  of  color  because  of 
her  incessant  motion. 

HARRY 

(Puffing] 

Nobody  here,     I  said  as  there  wouldn't  be, 
63 


64  PAN  PIPES 

CLARE 

Oh,  let's  go  just  a  bit  further,  Harry.  It's  such 
larks,  exploring.  And  I'm  sure  I  heard  something  — 
a  sort  of  whistling  like. 

HARRY 

Wish  it  was  an  umpire's  whistle.     No  such  luck. 
Well,  it  couldn't  be  no  hotter  on  the  bleachers  than  it 
is  here.     Believe  me. 
(He  wipes   his  forehead  with  a  pink   handkerchief) 

And  stiller'n  the  tombs  at  that. 

CLARE 

(Looking  about) 

I  guess  maybe  it  was  just  a  locust  I  heard.  But  it's 
greener  up  here  than  it  was  down  there  somehow.  Oh, 
it  is  pretty! 

HARRY 

(Wading  forward  in  the  grass) 
Bugs  and  grass.  That  comes  cheap.  This  is  the 
rummest  excursion  the  Luxurio  Stores  ever  put  across 
since  I've  been  handlin'  their  taffetas.  Lordy.  Bare 
foot  dancin'  by  a  gang  of  high  brows  in  a  Jersey  side 
track.  Lordy.  (He  reaches  the  oak  and  stands  pant 
ing  in  its  shade.) 

CLARE 

(With  a  little  twirl) 

They  were  class.  Mrs.  Gethem  says  they  was  — 
was  nymphs,  she  said,  in  the  real  Greek  colors. 

HARRY 
Cheesecloth,     Dyed.     Fifteen    a    yard  —  wholesale. 


PAN  PIPES  65 

CLARE 

(With  a  toss  of  her  head) 

You're  so  bourgeoise,  Harry.  It's  all  the  go  these 
separate  dances.  It  was  a  dance  to  Pan  they  was  doin', 
the  professor  man  told  me.  It  looked  like  lots  of  fun. 
(She  takes  a  light  step  or  two.)  You  go  just  where 
you  feel  like.  (She  twinkles  her  fingers  as  she  whirls, 
as  if  play in g  a  Pan's  pipe.)  It  comes  natural.  Isn't 
that  pretty?  (Her  hat  falls  off.  She  catches  it,  and 
turns  suddenly.)  There  —  you  dapped  your  hands. 

HARRY 

(Fanning  himself  with  his  hat) 
I   did   not.     Give  me  a  jazz  fox-trot  every  time. 
Not  but  what  you've  got  'em  all  tied  to  a  standstill  for 
looks,  Clare.     Always  had.     I  picked  some  winner  for 
my  best  girl. 

CLARE 

(Coming   towards   him,  puzzled) 
Some  one  did  clap  their  hands. 

HARRY 
(Carefully    spreading    his    coat    on    the    grass    under 

the  oak) 

Some  of  the  poor  ginks  back  there  applaudin'  an 
encore  of  the  dyed  cheesecloth  and  bare  feet  to  get  a 
drag  with  the  boss  and  his  professor  friend.  Not  for 
mine.  (He  sits  down  on  the  coat  and  pats  the  grass 
beside  him.)  If  I've  got  to  go  to  grass  I  prefers  to 
my  company. 


66  PAN  PIPES 

CLARE 
(Dropping    down    quickly,    beside    hinij    her    hat    in 

her  lap} 

I  like  the  grass.  I  do.  And  it  smells  simply  won 
derful.  It's  great  up  here  —  just  you  and  me  in  the 
sun  and  green  — 

HARRY 

(Patting  her  hand} 

Here's  to  it.  But  no  fresh  air  fund  stuff  for  yours 
truly.  Coney  has  the  same  green  effect  with  good 
little  old  railways  running  through  it-  Zip-wow  — 

CLARE 
(Pulling  away   with  a   little   laugh.     She  spills  over 

backwards  on  the  grass} 
Oh  —  and  I'd  just  rather  roll  down  this  hill! 

HARRY 

What's  eatin'  you  ?  Want  a  little  cheesecloth  dress  to 
caper  with  the  rest  of  the  bosses'  highbrow  entertain 
ers?  Some  little  annual  picnic.  Lordy.  They're  all 
crazy  as  katydids.  And  now  you've  got  'em. 

CLARE 
(Kneeling  in  the  grass,  arranging  her  rumpled  tousel 

of  straw  colored  hair} 

There's  lots  of  things  different  from  what  you  and 
I  have  always  known.  The  store  —  and  Coney  —  and 
the  movies  — 

HARRY 

Not  forgettin'  some  future  manoeuvers  with  furni 
ture  on  the  instalment. 


PAN  PIPES  67 

CLARE 

(Busy  with  her  hair) 

There's  other  things.  When  we're  all  hustlin'  in 
the  city1  with  so  many  people  and  houses  about  I  don't 
hear  'em.  But  up  here.  (She  looks  about.)  It's  as 
if  my  mind  just  started  talkin'  to  me  because  every- 
thin'  else  was  so  still.  There's  lots  of  things  we  don't 
know  about,  Harry. 

HARRY 

I'd  just  as  soon  do  without.  If  the  bare  foot  trip- 
pin'  about  we  was  brought  up  here  to  enjoy's  a  sample. 

CLARE 
(Staring) 
What's  that  you're  sitting  against,  Harry? 

HARRY 

(Shifting,   and   revealing  a  squarish   boulder,   lichen- 
covered  and  worn  with  time) 
A  stone.     Look  out  or  you'll  give  me  the  jumps. 

CLARE 

{Intently,  as  she  moves  near) 

It's  —  it's  squarish,  isn't  it  —  and  flat  on  top  —  and 
oh  —  it's  got  sort  of  marks  on  its  sides. 

HARRY 

See  here.  The  sun's  gone  to  your  head.  Put  on 
your  hat. 

CLARE 

(With  a  laugh  as  she  jumps  up  and  runs  to  the  stone) 
Oh,  it  is.     I'm  sure  it  is  —  one  of  those  stones  the 


68  PAN  PIPES 

professor  was  telling  us  about.  He  said  there  used 
to  be  lots  about  the  hills  —  altar  stones  to  Pan,  he 
called  them.  Funny  oquare  stones  with  a  little  scoop 
in  the  top  to  catch  the  rain  —  look,  here  it  is  — 

HARRY 

(Edging  away  nervously) 

Well,  what  of  it?  Why  didn't  the  precious  dancers 
gyrate  about  this  if  it  was  so  grand?  I  guess  it  was 
too  blooming  hot  for  them.  (He  yawns.) 

CLARE 

(Excitedly,  as  she  balances  herself  on  the  stone) 
They  would  have  if  they'd  known  it  was  here,  I 
guess.     That  was  who  they  was  dancin'  to  —  Pan. 

HARRY 

(Stretching  himself) 
Who's  he? 

CLARE 

But  the  professor  says  nobody  knows  just  where 
these  stones  will  be  or  who  put  them  here  —  that's 
the  fun  of  it.  Only  —  only  sometimes  people  used  to 
think  Pan  did  it.  He  was  a  sort  of  god,  you  know  — 
big  and  strong  with  hoofs  like  a  goat,  and  lives  in  the 
woods  — 

HARRY 
(Sleepily) 
Bunk. 

CLARE 
They  —  they  said  he  used  to  come  and  drink  out 


PAN  PIPES  69 

of  the  rain  water  in  the  hollow  and  after  that  the 
water  was  magic.  Oh  look!  There's  some  here  now! 
(She  dips  her  finger  in  it.) 

HARRY 
Bunk. 

CLARE 

But  think  what  fun  to  have  believed  it.  Oh  —  I'm 
sorry  I  can't  believe  it,  too.  I'm  sorry  they're  noth 
ing  but  fairy-tales.  Don't  laugh,  Harry. 

HARRY 
(Who  has  slumped  down  on  the  other  side  of  the  tree, 

and  is  now  preparing  for  a  nap} 
I   didn't  laugh.     I   wasn't  that  entertained.     (He 
rolls  up  his  coat  and  thumps  it  into  a  pillow.} 

CLARE 

(Indignantly,  slipping  off  the  stone} 
You  did  laugh.     I  heard  you. 

HARRY 
When  you  come  to,  wake  me.      (He  turns  over.} 

CLARE 

(Stamping} 

Oh,  sleep  if  you  want  to  be  so  stupid.  You're  a  pig. 
Nothing  but  a  big  pink  pig!  (She  shoves  him  with 
her  foot.) 

HARRY 
(Sitting  up  sulkily  and  looking  very  like  what  she  just 

called  him} 
Say,  I  guess  you're  just  a  little  bit  above  yourself. 


70  PAN  PIPES 

Ain't  you,  Clare?  You  have  been  ever  since  we  come 
into  this  silly  wood.  It  ain't  anything  that's  the  matter 
with  your  old  Harry?  Is  it?  You  know  I  couldn't 
breathe  much  if  I  thought  that.  (He  pulls  her  wrist.) 

CLARE 

No.  Of  course  not.  It's  just —  (She  hammers 
on  the  grass  with  one  fist)  that  you  don't  understand. 

HARRY 
Now  what  don't  I  ? 

CLARE 

Oh  —  just  how  I  like  the  —  the  grass  and  the  sun 
and  everything.  I  could  eat  it. 

HARRY 

(Running  his  fingers  through  his  hair) 
It  makes  me  sick.  It  does.  It's  enough  to  turn  the 
gall  of  any  straight  American.  That's  what  comes  of 
taking  decent  people  out  to  see  these  new  fool  fan 
dangle  idiotic  dances  in  the  woods  —  to  Gods  what 
never  was  anyhow  and  least  of  all  here. 

CLARE 

Oh,  they  were  —  they  were —  It's  not  just  the 
country.  It's  not  just  Jersey  or  Greece  or  any  place. 
They  were  everywhere  where  there  were  woods. 

HARRY 

Yes  —  and  what  do  you  get  out  of  the  woods?  Ant 
bites  and  dirt,  and  maybe  a  day's  picnic  that  would  be 
a  lot  cleaner  in  good  little  old  Coney.  Or  maybe  you'd 


PAN  PIPES  71 

like  to  be  a  farmer's  wife?  I  guess  you  know  what 
that  means  all  right.  They  ain't  overfond  of  the  sun 
and  woods  what's  all  around  'em.  What  would  the 
country  do  for  us?  Put  us  in  the  hobo  class  in  a 
month.  Leave  the  nature  fakin'  to  the  idle  rich  what 
has  automobiles  to  carry  'em  away  from  it.  Don't 
you  get  your  head  turned  by  no  high-brow  picnic  the 
boss  gives  us  all  —  and  a  rotten  slow  one  too  if  you 
ask  me.  (He  subsides  towards  his  coat  pillow.}  No 
back-woods  life  for  us. 

CLARE 
But  there  must  be  some  way  of  just  —  enjoyin'  it. 

HARRY 

(Recumbent} 

There  ain't  no  way.  Flies  —  mosquitoes  —  hornets 
—  dust  and  five  miles  to  the  nearest  corner.  Lordy. 
Lordy.  And  hard  on  the  feet —  (He  shoves  up  one 
yellow  oxford-clad  foot  and  surveys  it.}  I'm  com 
pletely  busted.  Say,  Clare,  you  don't  mind  if  I  do 
take  a  little  snooze?  This  country  life  is  rougher  on 
me  for  half  a  day  than  six  months  trampin'  the  aisle  at 
the  Stores  —  and  no  raise  in  sight  here  either.  I'll 
just  rest  up  a  minute  here.  You  run  along  if  you  like 
and  see  some  more  of  the  boss'  bare  foot  entertainers  — 
or  get  in  with  your  friend  the  professor  what  planned 
the  boss'  treat.  Treat!  Lordy! 

CLARE 

(As  he  settles  comfortably  down} 
No-o.     I'll  stay  here  —  and  keep  off  the  hornets  — 
(She  fans  with  his  hat.} 


72  PAN  PIPES 

HARRY 
(Drowsily) 
Good  little  Clare. 

(He  sleeps.    She  continues  to  fan  gently,  and 
then  drops  the  hat  slowly  into  her  lap,  and  clasps 
her  hands  on  it,  looking  out  over  the  field.) 
(There  comes  suddenly  the  shrill  quick  piping 
from  the  wood.     It  stops.) 

CLARE 

(Sitting  up  on  her  heels,  and  pushing  back  her  hair) 
Oh  — Yes? 

(  The  piping  comes  again  louder  —  and  stops  as 
suddenly  as  before.  There  is  a  slight  crackling 
in  the  wood.) 

CLARE 

Who  is  it?     (She  peers  into  the  wood.     Silence.) 
Who  is  it?     Harry  —  did  you  hear  that? 

(HARRY  turns  over  with  a  soft  grunt.     He  is 

dead  asleep.) 

(  The  piping  sounds  again  very  sharply.     There 

is  a  crashing  in  the  undergrowth  —  and  then  a 

laugh.) 

CLARE 

(Starting  to  her  feet) 

Oh!    That     was     what     laughed     before.     (She 
shivers.) 

(Suddenly  with  a  breaking  of  undergrowth  a 
girl  tears  out  from  the  wood.  She  is  very 
slight  with  thin  brown  arms  and  legs  twinkling 


PAN  PIPES  73 

from  a  bluish  green  shift,  and  dark  hair  flying 
out  behind  her.  She  stumbles  on  a  root  as  she 
comes  into  the  open,  recovers  her  balance  and 
flies  over  the  ground.  Her  face  is  twisted  back 
over  her  shoulder  and  she  is  gasping  with  terror. 
She  collides  suddenly  with  CLARE — leaps  back 
and  then  grasps  her  again.) 

GIRL 

Quick.     Run.    Quick.     He's  close  behind.     Quick. 
(She  drags  at  CLARE.) *\ 

CLARE 
Who  is? 

GIRL 

(Pulling  her  along  in  an  agony  of  haste.     There  comes 
further  crackling  from  the  bushes  she  has  just  left) 

Oh  —  hurry.     Hurry.     Hell   have   us  both.     It's 
Glaucos  the  Faun.     He's  there  —  and  he's  seen  us. 

CLARE 

(Holding  her  arm) 
Oh,  you're  one  of  the  dancers.     What's  the  matter  ? 

GIRL 

(Freeing  herself  with  a  frantic  jump) 
I  must  get  back  to  my  tree.     I  must.     I  shouldn't 
have   come  out  —  but   I   thought   there   were  others. 
Oh,  he's  close  here.     Stop  him.     Stop  him ! 

(She  bolts  across  the  hill  into  the  wood  on  the 
other  side,  just  as  THE  FAUN  crashes  out  of  the 
wood  behind.) 


74  PAN  PIPES 

CLARE 

Here.  Stop  there.  Stop!  (She  gets  right  in  the 
way  of  THE  FAUN  who  is  running  head  down.  He 
recoils  from  the  collision.)  Aren't  you  ashamed  of 
yourself,  chasing  about  like  that! 

(THE  FAUN  recovers  his  balance,  and  with  a 
sudden  lurch  seizes  her  in  his  arms.) 

THE  FAUN 

Syrinx ! 

CLARE 

(Freeing  herself  with  such  a  violent  wrench  that  THE 
FAUN,  taken  unawares  tumbles  suddenly  backwards) 

How  dare  you!     I'm  not  Syrinx! 

THE  FAUN 

(Who  has  only  bounded  down  like  a  rubber  ball,  and 
is  now  crouched  tense,  in  the  grass  looking  up  at  her) 
No?     Not  Syrinx?     What  are  you  then? 

CLARE 
(Angrily) 

I'm  Miss  Clare  Flaxon  of  the  Luxurio  Stores,  and 
there's  my  fiance  there,  Harry  Markem.  I  guess  he'd 
like  to  wake  up  and  see  you  treating  me  like  that !  We 
came  out  on  the  store's  annual  picnic  and  we  saw  you 
dancing,  but  I  don't  think  the  boss  would  have  much 
to  say  to  you  if  he  saw  you  chasing  about  this  way. 

THE  FAUN 

(Speculatively) 

I'll  get  her  yet.  (He  grins  and  looks  at  the  wood 
opposite.)  The  minx! 


PAN  PIPES  75 

CLARE 

How  could  you  chase  the  poor  young  lady  so !  Even 
if  it  was  all  play-acting  —  she  looked  really  scared. 
You  frightened  her  out  of  her  wits. 

THE  FAUN 
(Rising) 

Frightened!  Was  ever  creature  so  absurd!  She 
loves  it.  The  chase.  The  wind  in  her  face.  The 
excitement.  The  scant  breath.  She  lives  for  it! 

CLARE 

She  looked  just  exhausted  to  me.  And  I  should 
think  she  would  be  with  all  that  dancing  down  there 
in  the  glade  —  and  all  the  encores  we  gave  them. 

THE  FAUN 

What!  (He  stares  and  then  drops  suddenly  back 
ward  on  the  grass  and  rolls  about  with  shrieks  of 
laughter.}  Oh,  you  thought  her  one  of  those  dancers 
in  the  glade  —  one  of  those  splay  footed  —  clumsy  — 
heavy  imitations.  Oh,  I  shall  die  of  laughter.  You 
thought  her  one  of  those  creatures  who  hopped  about 
before  people.  Oh!  OH!  (He  sits  up  suddenly 
still  shaking  with  mirth,  and  points  a  finger  at  CLARE.) 
Oh,  if  she  should  hear  it!  She  would  strangle  you  in  a 
tree  crotch,  or  bury  you  alive  in  running  water.  (He 
bowls  over  again  with  laughter.) 

CLARE 

I  don't  see  anything  so  funny.  What  is  she  then? 
A  prima-donna? 


76  PAN  PIPES 

THE  FAUN 

(Sitting  up  on  his  haunches} 

She  is  Cloris  the  nymph  and  her  home  is  the  birch 
tree.  And  I  —  (He  stands  up  and  stretches  to  his 
full  height.)  I  am  Glaucos  the  Faun.  (He  is  a 
splendid  brown  creature  with  shaggy  legs  and  a  vivid 
beautiful  face.  He  wears  a  vine  wreath  in  his  rough 
dark  curls  and  a  pan's  pipe  slung  over  his  bare  shoul 
ders^) 

CLARE 

(Retreating  a  step) 
Oh  —  you  look  like  —  Pan. 

THE  FAUN 
Don't  speak  sacrilege  —  Syrinx  —  I  am  only  a  faun. 

CLARE 
Who  —  who  are  you  ? 

THE  FAUN 

I  have  told  you.  The  Faun,  Glaucos.  The  dweller 
in  the  hazel  thickets. 

CLARE 

You  —  you  frighten  me  somehow.  (She  smiles  un 
certainly.)  But  I  suppose  it's  only  your  funny  way. 
(She  glances  at  the  sleeping  HARRY  to  reassure  her 
self.)  Every  one  must  have  his  fun. 


THE  FAUN 

Yes!     Every  one  must  have  his  fun.     So  I  came 
out  to-day.     Oh,  and  it  has  been  fun!     Those  dances 


PAN  PIPES  77 

in  the  glade  by  those  fat  imitations !     I  nearly  split  my 
sides.      (He  laughs.) 

CLARE 

You're  as  bad  as  Harry.  I  thought  they  were  very 
pretty.  So  graceful  and  soothing  sort  of.  It's  a  pity 
there  aren't  any  more  nymphs  and  —  and  fauns  really 
to  dance.  It  would  be  nice.  I'm  kind  of  sorry  there 
aren't  any. 

THE  FAUN 
( Creeping   towards   her) 

Oh,  aren't  there?  Aren't  there  any?  Who  is  it 
runs  through  the  woods  at  night?  You  can  hear  the 
thud  of  their  feet  on  the  dead  leaves.  Who  is  it  has 
just  left  the  undergrowth  all  trembling  as  you  enter 
it?  Who  laughs  in  your  ear  when  you  are  alone  on 
the  hills?  Who  watches  from  behind  tree  trunks,  and 
splashes  just  a  little  way  up  the  brook?  Who  stole 
those  who  went  into  the  woods  and  never  came  out? 
What  was  it  you  saw  running  in  the  fields  at  twilight  ? 
(His  face  is  thrust  close  into  hers.) 

CLARE 
(Recoiling) 

Oh,  don't!  I'm  afraid.  Oh!  It  is  silly  of  me 
to  be  frightened  at  things  that  aren't  real.  Isn't  it  ? 

THE  FAUN 

I  am  here.  The  faun.  I  am  strong  as  wind  and 
hot  as  fire.  Touch  me.  (He  advances  as  she  steps 
back  from  him.)  It  is  I  who  hurl  the  branches  down 
from  the  living  trees  in  the  storm.  I  am  so  strong  I 


78  PAN  PIPES 

can  throttle  the  wood  beasts  with  one  hand  —  while  I 
laugh. 

CLARE 
Horrible ! 

THE  FAUN 

Beautiful!  Have  you  never  run  through  the  night 
with  the  stars  swimming  all  about  you  —  or  plunged 
in  an  ice  black  pool  to  come  up  ringed  with  silver  — 

CLARE 
I  am  dreaming.     Like  Harry,  I  am  dreaming. 

THE  FAUN 

(Standing  above   the   prostrate  and  gently   breathing 
HARRY) 

Like  Harry!  (He  throws  back  his  head  and 
laughs.  He  leans  towards  her.}  Yes,  dreaming  per 
haps.  But  differently.  In  your  eyes  is  the  flicker  of 
shadows  in  the  wood  brook.  Your  head  when  it  turns 
is  the  toss  of  the  aspen.  Your  dreams  are  real  to  you 
—  and  I  am  in  them  —  not  this  pig. 

(He  stirs  HARRY  with  his  foot.  HARRY  turns 
over  on  his  back  with  a  gentle  sigh.  His  mouth 
is  open.) 

CLARE 

(Rushing  to  the  rescue} 

He  is  my  man.  Mine.  My  fiance,  and  he  loves 
me.  And  I  do  him.  Go  away  whoever  you  are  or 
I'll  wake  him  now. 


PAN  PIPES  79 

THE  FAUN 

(Crouching,  his  face  working} 

Which  is  more  real  to  you  —  this  snoring  creature, 
far  enough  away  from  you  now  in  his  sodden  sleep,  and 
a  future  with  him  that  you  know  no  more  of,  in  some 
noisy,  dirty  slatternly  city  where  you  will  become  one 
with  the  greasy  ugly  humans  about  —  where  you  will 
lose  all  semblance  of  the  loveliness  you  have  now  and 
be  some  one  you  cannot  even  picture.  Which  is  the 
more  real  to  you  —  that  —  or  the  whisper  in  your 
ear  that  the  hills  are  free  to  you  —  take  them  —  take 
them  —  and  the  shimmer  before  your  eyes  that  some 
thing  waits  for  you  just  over  their  crests?  Syrinx  — 
Syrinx —  (His  voice  grows  soft  —  a  melting  whis 
per.)  Do  not  wake. 

CLARE 
What  are  you? 

THE  FAUN 
(Coming  towards  her) 
I  am  the  magic  in  life.     Believe  in  me. 

CLARE 
I  almost  do. 

THE  FAUN 
(Standing  passive) 
I  am  waiting  —  Syrinx. 

CLARE 
(In  a  burst) 

Show  me  something  to  prove  you  are  real.  Show 
me! 


8o  PAN  PIPES 

THE  FAUN 
(With  a  little  smile) 

Once  you  have  touched  me  —  willingly.  Once  I 
hold  you  in  my  arms  —  willing  —  You  are  one  of  us. 
You  will  know  it. 

CLARE 

(Approaching  him  —  trembling) 
How  —  how  will  I  know  it? 

THE  FAUN 

You  will  be  as  air  —  and  sunlight  —  transparent  to 
human  eyes.  But  you  will  be  as  free  as  they  —  as 
immortal.  You  will  be  young  forever.  Come.  But 
you  must  be  willing.  (His  voice  caresses.)  Surely 
to  touch  —  surely  to  be  free  cannot  hurt  you? 

CLARE 
I  should  —  I  should  love  to  be  young  forever. 

(She  touches  his  arm.  She  reaches  up  timidly 
towards  his  shoulder.  He  seizes  her  suddenly 
and  kisses  her.  Then,  still  holding  her,  he 
throws  back  his  head  and  laughs  loud  and  long. 
CLARE  struggles  and  frees  herself  with  a  jerk.) 

CLARE 

Oh,  I  am  frightened.  I  am.  It's  horrible.  Go 
away.  Harry!  Harry! 

(THE  FAUN  continues  to  laugh,  holding  its 
sides. ) 

(HARRY  sits  up  with  a  jerk.  He  looks  about 
him  wildly.) 


PAN  PIPES  81 

HARRY 

(In  a  voice  still  thick  with  sleep} 
That  you?     Clare?    Are  you  calling  me?     Clare! 

CLARE 

Here  I   am.     Here   I   am.     Oh  hold  me,   Harry. 
I'm  frightened. 

HARRY 

(Jumping  to  his  feet,  fully  awake) 
Clare!      (He  glares  wildly  about.) 

CLARE 
Here!     Here!     Before   you.     Don't   you   see  me! 

HARRY 

(Lurching  out  towards  her,  and  past  her) 
Where  are  you?     Are  you  hiding,  Clare?     Is  it  a 
trick?     I    can    hear   your   voice  —  just    faintly.     I'll 
catch  you  yet.     You  wait.      (He  looks  up  the  tree, 
then  around  it.) 

CLARE 
Harry!     Look  at  me!     Look  at  me! 

HARRY 

(Peering  into  the  branches  of  tLe  tree) 
That's  what  I'm  trying  to  do.     Oh,  come  on  down, 
Clare  —  the   joke's   over.     Where    are   you    anyway? 

THE  FAUN 
(With  a  sidelong  leap,  circling  the  tree,  and  peering 

out  from  behind  the  trunk) 
Anywhere  —  everywhere  —  in  the  shadow  —  in  the 


82  PAN  PIPES 

sun,  as  long  as  the  sun  and  shadow  play.     (He  grim 
aces,  and  blows  in  HARRY'S  face.) 

HARRY 

Bother  the  wind.  Clare  —  where  are  you  ?  Clare ! 
Don't  tease  me  like  this.  I  never  would  'a  wanted 
to  hurt  your  feelings,  Clare! 

CLARE 
(Sobbing) 

Give  him  back  to  me!  Let  him  see  me!  Take 
away  this  awful  thing.  (She  grovels  in  the  grass  be 
fore  the  faun.)  I  feel  something  burning  me.  Take 
it  away. 

THE  FAUN 

(Prancing  just  before  her,  pointing  at  her  with  out 
stretched  arm) 

You  gave  willingly  —  and  it  is  given  forever. 
Laugh.  And  it  will  burn  away  all  your  memories. 

CLARE 
No.     No.     Help  me.     Help  me. 

HARRY 

(Leaning  up  against  the  tree  trunk,  looking  about) 
What's  that?     I'm  coming.      (He  starts  away.) 

CLARE 
(Gasping) 
No!     I'm  here.     Here  with  you. 


PAN  PIPES  83 

HARRY 

(Returning  —  worried) 
Then  where  are  you? 

THE  FAUN 

(Coming  near  her,  still  pointing") 
I  will  come  for  another  kiss  —  and  then  —  you  will 
be  all  with  us.  You  will  be  an  aspen  tree,  and  your 
bright  hair  will  shake  in  the  breeze  with  its  leaves. 
But  when  I  call,  you  will  break  out  of  the  bark,  and 
run  until  I  capture  you  again.  (He  throws  back  his 
head  and  suddenly  capers  off  in  a  great  circle,  about 
them.) 

CLARE 

I  am  here,  Harry.  Here  at  your  feet.  Only  you 
can't  see  me.  (She  gulps.)  I  —  I  am  bewitched  I 
think.  You  never  will  see  me  any  more.  I  —  I  will 
be  an  aspen  tree!  (She  collapses  on  the  grass.) 

HARRY 
What's  tnat?     I  can't  hear  you. 

CLARE 

The  faun  —  he  came  out  of  the  wood  —  and  —  and 
Harry,  he  kissed  me.  I  let  him.  Forgive  me.  For 
give  me. 

HARRY 
(To  himself) 
I  don't  hear  anything  any  more. 

THE  FAUN 
(Approaching) 
It's  beautiful  to  be  free  —  Syrinx.     As  soon  as  you 


84  PAN  PIPES 

laugh  you  will  forget  —  and  I  will  come  for  you. 
(He  prances  before  HARRY.)  She  has  gone  into  the 
wood,  man.  Go  after  her.  It  is  a  pretty  place,  the 
wood,  with  green  thickets  that  might  hide  anything. 
Come  along.  I'll  show  you.  (He  dances  ahead.) 

CLARE 

(Rising) 

No!     No!    No! 

THE  FAUN 

Look  at  him.  He  doesn't  hear  you.  He  is  only 
a  lump,  and  you  are  immortal  with  the  sunlight  now. 
He  will  never  hold  you  again.  You  are  for  me, 
Syrinx.  I  will  come  back  for  you  —  alone. 

\  CLARE 

I  hate  you.  You  are  horrible.  You  have  no  heart ! 
Let  me  go  back ! 

THE  FAUN 

(Dancing  and  pointing  his  finger  at  her) 
Never.     The  immortals  have  no  heart,  and  no  mem 
ory.     Laugh  and  you  will  be  an  immortal.     Laugh. 
Laugh. 

CLARE 
(Sobbing) 

Never  to  remember  anything!  Never  to  be  human 
again ! 

THE  FAUN 
When  I  return  I  will  make  you  laugh.     (He  dances 


PAN  PIPES  85 

off  and  circles  HARRY.)  Come  seek  your  love  in  the 
thicket,  man  —  and  I  will  scratch  you  nicely.  (He 
laughs  and  plunges  into  the  wood,  HARRY  after  him.) 

CLARE 
(She  falls  face  down  on  the  old  stone  under  the  oak 

tree) 
Give  me  back  my  life!     Give  me  back  my  life! 

(THE  FAUN  and  HARRY  are  heard  crashing  in 
the  underbrush.  There  comes  the  faint  sound 
of  pipes,  then  Iqughter.  Then  silence.) 

CLARE 

(Sobbing   on  the  stone) 

Whoever  you   are  —  God   of   the   woods,   you   are 
cruel,  cruel! 

(There  is  a  breath  of  silence,  and  then  a  voice 
speaks  from  the  oak.) 

VOICE 
Who  drinks  the  water  on  my  altar? 

CLARE 

(Starting  up.     Her  hand  is  in  the  little  pool  on  top 
of  the  stone  and  she  shakes  back  her  head,  some 

drops    of  its  water   flying  from    her   hair.) 
What  is  that! 

VOICE 

Who  drinks  from  the  stone  that  has  been  the  drink 
ing  cup  of  Pan? 

CLARE 

I  —  I    do.      (She    puts    her    hand    dazedly    to    her 
mouth,  and  back  again  to  the  little  pool.) 


86  PAN  PIPES 

VOICE 

Wish  then.  Pan  tasted  it  this  morning.  Wish. 
Would  you  have  no  fear?  Would  you  be  of  those 
who  never  die?  Wish  once.  It  is  granted. 

CLARE 
What  —  what  do  you  mean? 

VOICE 

The  stone  is  my  altar.  It  is  long  since  mortal  has 
tasted  the  water  fallen  there.  But  Pan  still  lives. 
While  there  is  wind  and  sun  Pan  lives. 

CLARE 

It — it  was  true  then.  This  was  a  magic  stone. 
(She  touches  it  bewilderedly.) 


\     1 


VOICE 

I  drank  from  it  kt  dawn.  The  water  that  has 
touched  the  lips  of  Pan  is  breath  of  life  to  a  mortal. 
Are  you  afraid? 


1  CLARE 
No  —  somehow  I  am  not  afraid  any  longer. 

1  VOICE 
Wish  then.     Once.  \ 

PLARE 

(Pushing  "back  her  hair) 

I  —  I     seem     all    bewildered.     I    have     forgotten 
things.     It's  —  so  misty  about  —  and  hot. 


PAN  PIPES  87 

VOICE 

Wish  to  live  forever  in  the  gold  of  the  hills.  Wish 
to  fly  along  the  crest  of  the  wind,  to  learn  the  secrets 
of  the  river,  to  sing  with  the  leaves  in  the  wood. 
Wish. 

(There  is  a  sudden  crackling  in   the  bushes. 
HARRY  emerges,  disheveled  and  panting  ) 

HARRY 

I  don't  believe  it.  I  don't  believe  that  you've  left 
me.  I  wouldn't  have  done  this  to  you,  Clare.  I 
wouldn't.  Won't  you  tell  me  where  you  are  ?  Clare ! 
Clare!  It's  all  some  dreadful  nightmare.  (He 
plunges  over  towards  the  tree.)  Clare!  Tell  me. 
I'm  done  up.  I  am.  I  feel  you're  all  about,  and  yet 
you're  hid.  It's  horrible.  (He  sits  down  under  the 
tree.)  Oh,  Clare,  what  have  I  done  to  you?  Have 
you  got  up  and  left  me  for  good?  You're  not  in  the 
wood  or  anywhere!  (He  pulls  himself  together  and 
stretches  himself  out,  his  folded  arms  over  his  face.) 
She'll  come  back.  She  must.  I'll  wait  here  for  her. 
I'll  do  it  if  I  die  for  it. 

CLARE 
Harry! 

(He  does  not  move.) 

CLARE 
Harry! 

HARRY 
I  never  meant  to  do  anything  wrong. 


88  PAN  PIPES 

CLARE 

Oh,  I  can't  hurt  you  this  way.  It  is  horrible.  Oh, 
why  can't  you  see  me?  Why  can't  you  hear  me? 
You  must!  It  is  all  a  dream.  Oh,  I  wish  it  were. 
I  wish  it  were  a  dream.  I  do! 

(She  leans  back  suddenly  on  the  old  stone.  A 
change  comes  over  her  face.  She  sinks  down, 
sleepily.  HARRY  stirs,  turns  over  lazily,  and 
rises  on  one  elbow.} 

HARRY 

(With  a  yawn,  stretching  his  arms} 

Ah-hum.  (He  sits  up.}  You  still  here,  Clare? 
I  had  a  rummy  dream. 

CLARE 

(Rising  from  the  stone,  a  little  unsteadily} 
I  —  I  think  I've  been  asleep  too.     I  must  have  been 
—  with  some  sort  of  queer  dream.     I  don't  remember 
just  what.     My  foot's  asleep.      (She  stamps  it.} 

HARRY 

(Rising,  and  picking  up  his  coat} 
I  dreamt  something  was  chasin'  me.  I  couldn't 
seem  to  get  away  from  it.  We  went  around  in  circles 
and  the  funny  part  of  it  was  you  was  mixed  up  in  it 
somehow.  Well,  I  guess  that's  a  sign  we'd  better 
chase  along.  Picnic  must  be  most  over.  (He  rubs 
his  head.}  Queer.  I  dreamt  I  was  chasin'  you,  too. 
And  you  wasn't  at  the  picnic  or  nowhere.  Just 
laughed  at  me.  It  was  hot,  too. 


PAN  PIPES  89 

CLARE 

It  is  hot.  I  —  I  don't  think  somehow  it's  as  nice 
here  as  when  we  first  came.  I  don't  guess  I  like  the 
country  much  after  all.  (She  looks  about.)  It's  sort 
of  queer  and  still  —  and  prickly. 

HARRY 

(Genially,  putting  his  hat  on  at  an  angle} 
What  did  I  tell  you?     What  about  a  good  little 
spin  down  the  asphalt  together  and  something  ice  cold 
after  a  movie  to-night  when  we  get  to  town.     Eh  ? 

CLARE 

(With  a  sigh) 
That  sounds  mighty  good  to  me. 

(He  takes  her  arm.     They  move  off  slowly.) 

HARRY 

(Shaking   out   his   coat,   and  readjusting   it   over   his 
arm) 

I  tell  you  what.     Picnics  is  picnics  and  the  coun 
try's  the  country,   even  with   free  bare  foot  dancin' 
thrown  in  —  but  somehow  it  ain't  exactly  comfortable 
if  you  ain't  bred  up  on  it.     Now  is  it? 
(They  walk  off  behind  the  hill.) 

The  piping  is  heard  again  from  the  thicket.  THE 
NYMPH  suddenly  appears  from  the  other  side.  She 
dashes  into  the  open,  her  hair  flying  out  in  the  wind. 
THE  FAUN  leaps  after  her  They  circle  the  open  space 
running  madly  and  then  plunge  into  the  wood. 


go  PAN  PIPES 


FOR  OUTDOOR  PRODUCTION  OF 
PAN-PIPES 

Any  woodland  glade  will  do  very  prettily  for  the 
play  instead  of  the  scene  in  the  meadow  given.  It  is 
nice  to  have  some  undergrowth  through  which  the 
Faun  can  crash,  and  a  little  vista  where  the  Nymph 
runs  off  through  the  woods.  The  Voice  of  Pan,  of 
course  comes  from  a  person  seated  behind  the  big  tree 
that  is  essential  for  a  center —  (This  person  can  also 
very  easily  act  as  prompter.) 


FOR  INDOOR  PRODUCTION  OF 
PAN-PIPES 

At  the  back,  a  misty  green  gauze  drop  with  slim 
high  trunks  of  trees  cut  out  in  flat  soft  gray  silhouettes 
against  it.  On  the  sides  huge  dark  trees,  their 
branches  meeting  overhead.  All  the  trees  can  be  made 
flat  colored,  and  silhouetted  to  the  audience.  The  ef 
fect  is  very  eerie  and  striking.  In  the  center,  the  high, 
dark  gnarled  oak  with  the  rough  stone  altar  beneath. 
The  light  is  the  flickering  green  and  gold  of  sunlight 
in  the  woods. 

It  is  better  not  to  try  to  make  the  scenery  of  this 
play  realistic  or  elaborate.  It  is  an  elfin  play,  and 
much  depends  on  the  suggestion  of  the  uncanny. 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

A  PLAY  FOR  A  BOAT 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND1 
A  PLAY  FOR  A  BOAT 

SCENE.     The  deck  of  a  small  sailing  craft. 
TIME.     A  South  Sea  afternoon. 

CHARACTERS 

JAKE. 

CRAWLS. 

SMIKE. 

WANG-SING. 

FATHER  JEROLOMEN. 

1  Copyright  by  Constance  Wilcox. 


FOUR   OF  A  KIND 

ft  jHE  scene  is  the  deck  of  a  smallish  sailing  craft, 
I  the  idle  sails  and  rigging  outlined  against  an 

**~  Intense  blue  sky.  JAKE  and  CRAWLS  come  out 
of  the  cabin,  and  throw  themselves  d'own  to  play  cards 
in  the  shadow  of  the  deck-house,  JAKE  is  a  burly 
giant,  his  head  tied  with  a  red  handkerchief,  silver 
rings  in  his  ears,  and  his  blue  shirt  rolled  up  over  arms 
as  hard  and  brown  as  the  ship  mast.  CRAWLS  is  a 
little  twisted  creature  in  dingy  black,  with  pasty  face 
and  a  nervous  twitchy  way.  He  props  himself  up 
against  the  deck-house,  with  his  thin  legs  out  in  front 
of  him,  and  holds  his  cards  up  close  to  his  face.  JAKE 
is  sprawled  on  the  deck.  There  are  counters  a*nd 
some  small  copper  coins  in  front  of  them.  In  the  dis 
tance,  FATHER  JEROLOMEN  promenades  slowly  along 
the  small  space  of  deck  in  the  vivid  sunlight.  His 
head,  in  its  black  shovel  hat  is  bent,  and  his  hands 
clasped  behind  him.  He  is  very  slight  and  stoop  shoul 
dered.  He  wears  a  black  clerical  robe. 

JAKE 

(Throwing  down  his  cards) 

Four   Jacks.     It's   mine.      (He   pulls  some   of   the 
coins  towards  him.) 

CRAWLS 

(As  he  throws  down  his  cards,  with  a  sniffle) 
That's  the  third  time  I've  lost  running.     And  there's 
93 


94  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

only  five  of  my  bits  left.      (His  voice  is  high  and  whin 
ing.) 

JAKE 

(Shuffling) 

You  don't  play  bold  enough,  Crawls.  It's  like 
walkin'  with  a  crab  to  throw  with  you.  Step  up. 
Step  up.  (He  deals.) 

(FATHER  JEROLOMEN  comes  around  tire  cabin 
corner.     He  stops  and  looks  at  the  players.) 

FATHER  JER. 
I  am  grieved  to  see  this,  my  friends. 

JAKE 

(Without  looking  up-  fr'om  his  hand) 
Ah  there,  Father  Jerolomen,  we  was  just  takin'  ad 
vantage  of  the  cabin  shade,  while  Smike  in  there  — 
(He  jerks  his  thumb  towards  the  open  door  of  the 
deck  house)  — 's  asleep. —  'Ed  'ave  us  out  'e  would 
—  but  you  wouldn't  spoil  the  rest  of  a  cojuple  o'  hard 
laborin'  sea-men  what's  run  your  craft  proper  for  you 
these  weeks. 

CRAWLS 

We  has  to  do  somethin'  or  we'd  strangulate  whistlin' 
for  the  wind. 

JAKE 

'Onest  and  'armless  as  doves  we  are.  (His  eye 
strays  to  CRAWLS'  hand  that  is  creeping  towards  the 
pack  of  cards.)  None  of  that  now,  you  sneak,  or  I'll 
crack  your  neck. 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  95 

FATHER  JER. 
(Shaking  his  head) 

I  don't  like  to  see  it.  When  the  Hand  of  the 
Lord  has  not  seen  fit  to  be  with  this  voyage.  When 
we  have  been  visited  with  disappointment.  It  doesn't 
seem  right  for  the  three  men  who  guide  this  boat  to 
spend  their  time  dicing  or  in  sodden  sleep.  There  is 
something  ill-omened  about  it.  (He  moves  on 
slowly.) 

CRAWLS 

(With  a  high  snicker) 
I've  got  'em,  I  'ave.     (He  rakes  the  coins  in.) 

JAKE 

(Throwing  down  his  cards) 

Ill-omened  all  right.  What  did  we  come  for,  I  say? 
What  kind  of  a  voyage  is  this  that  you  get  nothin'  out 
of?  It's  not  like  Smike  to  tote  that  fool  priest  home 
after  he  found  there  wasn't  no  game  attached.  It's 
humiliatin'  and  I  don't  like  it.  (He  picks  up  his 
cards.)  Nice  job  for  us  what  always  made  our  bit 
easy  before  and  not  waited  for  nothin'. 

CRAWLS 

(Pushing  out  his  counters  with  a  grin) 
We  wasn't  goin'  to  wait  for  much  if  we'd  found 
anythin'.     It'd    been    over   the    rail   with    'im.      (He 
jerks  his  thumb  towards  the  priest.)     And  quick.     I'd 
'a'  like  to  seen  it. 

JAKE 

But  we  didn't  find  nothin'.  We've  been  had. 
That's  what.  O'  course  there  wasn't  nothin'  on  that 


96  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

balmy  island  but  sand.  Eight  weeks  sailin'  for  — 
sand!  Give  me  two  and  no  fingerin'  'em  there.  (He 
holds  out  his  hand  for  the  cards.  CRAWLS  gives  a 
sort  of  giggle.}  What  are  you  grinnin'  at?  You're 
always  snickerin'  over  somethin'  these  days.  I'd  like 
to  snicker  you  for  good.  I  would. 

CRAWLS 
(Cringing} 

I  was  just  sayin'  wasn't  it  comical  like  to  be  had  by 
a  priest  for  nothin'  but  our  pay.  When  we  'ad  such 
nice  plans  and  all  —  us  three,  and  was  so  careful 
hidin'  'em. 

JAKE 

The  old  shovel  has  foxed  us.  That's  what.  Him 
and  his  Sainted  Island  and  'is  Sainted  pearls  what  was 
never  there. 

FATHER  JER. 

(Appearing  again  around  the  corner  in  his  walk) 
Ah,  my  friends —  (He  lifts  his  head,  and  surveys 
them  gently.)  I  cannot  bring  myself  to  believe  that. 
It  was  the  vision  of  those  great  drops  of  Saints'  tears 
that  led  me  into  these  strange  waters,  to  recover  them 
for  the  altar.  It  is  I  who  am  unworthy.  They  would 
not  reveal  themselves  to  me. 

JAKE 

We'd  'a  found  'em  all  right  if  they'd  'a  been  there. 
There  wasn't  nothin'  in  that  old  heap  o'  stones  but 
sandbugs.  And  you  can  take  that  straight. 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  97 

FATHER  JER. 

And  this  is  the  end  —  emptiness.  (He  sits  down 
on  an  overturned  bucket,  his  hands  between  his  knees, 
and  looks  before  him  dazedly.)  For  so  long  have  I 
dreamed  of  this  voyage,  of  recovering  those  miracles 
of  Votive  pearls  from  the  ruins  of  that  unhappy, 
heathen  desecrated  monastery.  Of  putting  my  hand 
under  the  very  stone  where  the  monks  hid  them  before 
the  last  horrible  disaster. 

CRAWLS 

(Grinning  to  his  cards} 
The  blacks  slit  up  every  one  of  'em. 

JAKE 
What  you  ought  to  be. 

FATHER  JER. 

(Oblivious) 

And  when  I  had  found  the  courage.  When  I  put 
my  very  soul  into  the  venture  of  this  boat.  Only 
the  hot  —  cruel  —  sea  —  emptiness  —  emptiness  — 
and  sand.  (He  buries  his  face  in  his  hands.) 

JAKE 

( Throwing  down  his  cards) 

No  fault  of  ours  the  place  was  empty.  We  thought 
you  was  tellin'  the  truth.  But  they  was  dreams  — 
that's  what  they  was. 

FATHER  JER. 

(Rising,  with  a  burst  of  passion) 
Dreams!     Dreams!     Mockery!      (He   goes   to   the 


98  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

railing  and  looks  out  over  it.)     And  a  burning,  un 
believing  sky! 

CRAWLS 

Dream  on,  old  crow  back.  (FATHER  JER.  walks 
slowly  away.) 

JAKE 

You're  just  a  little  too  cozy  with  yourself  lately, 
matey.  It  don't  sit  well  on  you. 

CRAWLS 

I  ain't  cozy.  (Whining.)  Ain't  I  fooled  with  the 
rest?  Didn't  I  hanker  after  them  pearls  —  soft  — 
with  fair  divvies  for  the  three  of  us,  when  what  we 
had  was  'ard  sailin'  with  a  'cap  o'  sand  at  the  end? 
Ain't  I  got  as  good  a  right  to  talk  as  you  ? 

JAKE 

No,  you  ain't.  (Laying  his  cards  down,  face  up.) 
What  'ave  you  got? 

CRAWLS 

Four  Aces.  (He  starts  to  draw  the  coins  toward 
him.) 

JAKE 

(Rising  suddenly  and  falling  on  CRAWLS) 
And  I  saw  you  sit  on  two  and  take  another  out  'o 
your  coat.  You  pock-marked  octopus.  (He  twists 
himself  over  the  prostrate  and  almost  obliterated 
CRAWLS  and  throws  out  some  cards.)  There  they 
fly.  Now  we'll  see  about  you.  I'm  fair  sick  'o  you. 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  99 

CRAWLS 

(In  a  faint  scream) 
Jake  —  Jake  -      Don't !     Don't ! 

JAKE 

I'll  learn  you  not  to  be  a  snickerin',  sniveling  smirkin' 
hypocrite ! 

CRAWLS 

It  was  only  a  friendly  joke.     I  only  meant  it  sporty! 
Ooh! —  (He  struggles.) 

JAKE 

(Dragging  the  writhing  CRAWLS  towards  the  rail) 
You  know  what  I  said  last  time  you  sneaked.     You 

can  be  as  sporty  as  you  like  —  over  the  side.     (He 

hauls  CRAWLS  up  on  the  rail.) 

CRAWLS 

(Agonized  and  kicking) 
No!     No!     I  can't  swim!     I  can't  swim! 

JAKE 

(Lifting  him  a  little) 

Let  the  sharks  get  indigestion  of  you  then.     I've 
had  it  long  enough. 

CRAWLS 
Wait!     Wait!     Don't!     I'll  tell  you  — I'll  tell  — 

JAKE 

(Pinning  him  on  the  rail) 
What'll  you  tell  before  you  tell  it  to  the  sharks? 


ioo  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

CRAWLS 
(Desperately) 
There  was  pearls! 

JAKE 
What! 

CRAWLS 

There  was  pearls.  Father  Jerolomen  was  right. 
There  was  pearls  in  that  old  'cap  o'  stones.  And  I 
know  where  they  are  —  now. 

JAKE 

(Hauling  CRAWLS,  with  a  great  heave,  back  to  the 
shadow  of  the  cabin.)  You  do!  Well,  where  are 
they? 

CRAWLS 
I  can't  get  'em.     I  can't  get  'em. 

JAKE 

I'll  see  you  do.  You'd  thieve  'em  from  us.  Would 
you? 

CRAWLS 

I  didn't  thieve  'em.  I  didn't  thieve  'em.  Smike 
took  'em. 

JAKE 
Srnike! 

CRAWLS 

Yes.  He  got  'em.  He  got  'em  out  o'  those  stones. 
Gawd  knows  how  he  did  it.  But  he  kept  'em.  You 
know  Smike. 

JAKE 
He's  got  'em  now? 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  101 

CRAWLS 
(Gulping) 

Yes.  I  come  on  'im  one  night.  'E  thought  we  was 
all  on  shore  gettin'  provisions.  'E  was  in  the  cabin, 
and  I  crept  up  in  behind  from  the  other  way  — 
through  the  galley  and  saw  'im.  He  had  'em  out  — 
twistin'  'em  in  'is  'ands.  They  was  long  —  and 
glistenin' —  in  a  rope,  big  and  white  as  agates,  and 
some  of  'em  shin;n'  pink  in  the  light  —  and  some 
greenish  — 

FATHER  JER. 

(Coming  around  the  corner  of  the  cabin) 
There  is  an  odd  sort  of  craft  coming  up  to  us  on 
this  side,  apparently  from  the  town.  There  are 
heathen  marks  on  its  sides.  A  big  man  with  a  yellow 
umbrella  directs  it,  and  it  seems  to  be  rowed  by  yellow 
men. 

JAKE 

(Releasing  CRAWLS  with  a  shove) 
A  Chinese  trader. 

FATHER  JER. 

They  appear  determined  to  board  us.  What  shall 
I  say  to  them? 

JAKE 
Tell  them  to  go  to  the  devil. 

FATHER  JER. 
What  would  they  want  with  us? 


102  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

JAKE 

They'd  cheat  the  fillin's  out  o'  your  teeth. 
(FATHER  JEROLOMEN  hurries  back.) 

JAKE 

(Seizing  CRAWLS) 
Where  are  they  now? 

CRAWLS 
(Whining) 

Why  should  I  have  to  tell  you?  I've  been 
a-watchin'  and  a-watchin'  them  pearls  for  two  weeks 
now.  Ever  since  we  left  the  island. 

JAKE 

And  'opin'  to  sneak  off  with  'em  as  soon  as  you 
were  clear  of  us.  Eh? 

CRAWLS 
It  ain't  no  more'n  you'd  do  yourself. 

JAKE 
Well,  it's  my  turn  now. 

CRAWLS 
You'll  divvy? 

JAKE 

(Shaking  him) 

I'll  do  what  I  please.  What  about  'em  now? 
Quick.  And  if  I  don't  find  'em  I'll  settle  with  you. 

CRAWLS 
They're    all    there.     Every    one.     Great,     round, 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  103 

milky  pearls.     There  must  be  five  hundred  of  them. 
Jake  —  you'll  let  me  'ave  some  ?     You  will  ? 

JAKE 
Where  are  they? 

CRAWLS 
In  the  old  lantern. 

JAKE 
What! 

(There  appears  at  the  back,  a  yellow  unbrella 
over  the  ship's  rail.  This  is  attached  to  a  large 
Chinaman  in  gorgeous  robes,  and  a  scarlet  silk 
cap  with  a  purple  button  and  tassel.  He  ad 
vances  majestically  but  softly  along  the  little 
deck  space.  When  he  comes  just  behind  the 
cabin  corner  he  stops.) 

CRAWLS 

He  took  and  stuffed  'em  in  the  bottom.  He  knew 
we'd  never  look  there,  and  there  it's  hung  —  that  old 
lantern  —  right  in  the  cabin  —  with  forty  thousand 
pounds  worth  'o  white  pearls  in  it. 

JAKE 

The  sneakin'  scorpion.  And  us  with  our  bunks 
forward. 

CRAWLS 

'E  was  goin'  to  wait,  I  know,  until  we  was  all  off  the 
boat,  and  separated,  and  then  'e  was  goin'  to  be  rich 
—  rich  —  and  we'd  never  see  'im  again.  That's  why 


104  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

'e  was  takin'  the  priest  back.  He  don't  want  no 
scandal.  And  I  was  waitin*.  I  was  just  waitin'  till 
we  touched  the  mainland  to  get  ahead  'o  'im.  The 
big  bully.  I  was  goin'  to  slip  it  over  on  'im. 

JAKE 

We'll  do  that  all  right.     We'll  get  'em  now.     'E's 
asleep,  and  we'll  do  what  we  likes  with  'im. 

CRAWLS 
No—    No—    'E'll  hurt  us! 

JAKE 
Come  on  —  you  sniveler  — 

(He  starts  towards  the  cabin  door,  pulling 
CRAWLS  by  the  arm.  They  run  right  into  THE 
CHINAMAN.  He  has  been  standing  with  a 
rapt,  patient  expression.  His  face  is  smooth 
and  round  and  placid,  with  a  little  fixed  smile. 
Over  one  arm  is  slung  an  assortment  of  silks, 
beads,  little  bags  and  small  boxes  on  strings. 
FATHER  JEROLOMEN  now  appears,  hovering 
behind  him.} 

THE  CHINAMAN 
Pretty  day.     Me  Wang-Sing. 

JAKE 
Get  out  of  here  —  you. 

WANG-SING 

Wang-Sing  come  out  to  ships  in  harbor.     Me  see 
ship  just  outside  harbor,  waiting  for  wind.     Me  come 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  105 

out  here  in  boat.  Say  "  how-do."  Me  show  many 
pretty  things.  (He  untwists  some  of  the  silks  on  his 
arm.)  Silks,  fans,  beads,  bracelets,  incense  — 

JAKE 
Do  we  look  as  if  we  wanted  that  stuff? 

WANG 

(Placidly,  arranging  his  wares,  hanging  the  silks  over 
the  top  of  the  deck-house,  and  the  beads  on  them.) 
Me  think  you  like  look  see.     No  b'long  good  joss 

wait  for  wind  outside  harbor  when  no  go  to  town. 

Very  fine  bazaars  in  town.     Wang-Sing  have  best  of 

all. 

CRAWLS 

(Disgustedly  to  FATHER  JER.) 
What  did  you  let  'im  on  for? 

WANG 
Me  come. 

FATHER  JER. 

He  seemed  determined.  (He  inspects  WANG- 
SING.)  A  strange  creature  of  great  insistence.  Not 
without  intelligence  —  and  perhaps  open  to  conversion. 

WANG 

Very  open.  Mind  very  open.  (He  sits  down 
regally  on  the  overturned  keg.  He  holds  his  um 
brella  up  with  one  hand,  and  gesticulates  with  the 
other.)  What  say  for  fine  striped  silks,  red,  green, 
purple  painted  with  dragons  for  the  coat?  (He  takes 


io6  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

some  vials  out  of  his  sash.)     This  small  jar —  per 
fume.     This  one  opium. 

JAKE 
(Sullenly) 
Go  choke  yourself  on  it. 

FATHER  JER. 
Opium ! 

WANG 

(Smiling) 

Very  fine.     Very  good.     Opium.     Bring  forget. 

FATHER  JER. 
Wickedness !     Wickedness ! 

WANG 

(Rising  politely) 

You  b'long  priest?  You  no  like  opium?  Very 
good  for  priests  m  their  cells.  Give  dreams.  Some 
times  the  priests  from  the  white  -house  behind  the  town 
send  for  things  in  the  bazaar.  Buy  opium  from  Wang- 
Sing.  Very  like  you  those  priests.  Same  straight 
black. 

FATHER  JER. 
No!      (He  seizes  the  opium  from  WANG'S  hand.) 

WANG 

Very  wise  men.  Very  tiresome  always  in  cell. 
Wang-Sing  sell  forget. 

FATHER  JER. 

Horrible!  (He  throws  the  vial  on  the  deck.  It 
breaks.) 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  107 

JAKE 

That's  the  way.  Smash  his  goods  for  breakin'  in  on 
our  deck.  Get  out  now.  Don't  you  see  the  gent 
don't  like  your  ways? 

WANG 

(Mildly) 

No  offend.  Only  much  waste.  Too  bad.  Sorry. 
(He  fixes  FATHER  JEROLOMEN  with  his  eye.)  Opium 
worth  much  gold.  Very  rare  kind.  Wang-Sing  lose 
money.  Priest  not  do  right  by  him. 

FATHER  JER. 
(Unsteadily) 

I  —  I  am  sorry.  I  —  hardly  know  my  own  actions. 
I  have  had  a  great  sorrow,  a  terrific  disappointment  — 
a  loss  of  all  I  hoped  for.  (He  passes  his  hand  over 
his  forehead.)  You  must  excuse  me.  It  —  is  so  hot 
—  and  strange  here. 

WANG 

Sun  go  to  your  head  maybe.  Priest  b'long  in  cell. 
All  cool  there. 

FATHER  JER. 
You  say  there  is  a  Christian  monastery  —  here? 

WANG 

Oh  yees.  Clistian.  Very  big.  White  house  in 
desert.  Priests  like  you  come.  Go  in.  Never  come 
out.  Just  behind  town.  On  hill.  You  see  maybe 
from  end  of  boat.  Out  in  desert. 


io8  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

FATHER  JER. 
Quiet.     Out  in  the  desert.     A  heavenly  quiet. 

CRAWLS 

Why  don't  you  skip  there  then  ?  We  .won't  cry 
over  your  goin'. 

JAKE 
Straight.     We  wouldn't. 

WANG 

More  better  than  too  much  noise  for  priests.  Not 
get  excited.  No  break  good  merchants  bottles.  Lose 
much  money.  Very  much  cheat. 

FATHER  JER. 

Don't  speak  that  word  to  me.  (He  feels  in  his 
sash  and  takes  out  a  gold  piece.)  These  seas  and  is 
lands  are  a  corruption  and  a  sore  on  the  world.  I 
sicken  of  them.  Blistering,  sweltering,  thieving, 
heathenish!  The  sand  burns  my  eyes  and  the  pitiless 
sky  scorches  my  soul.  It  would  be  the  penance  of 
Hell  to  stay  here.  (He  gives  WANG  the  gold. 
WANG  takes  it  with  a  deep  bow-,  and  bites  it  as  he 
bends.) 

WANG 

(Quickly,  as  FATHER  JER.  turns  from  him) 
You    take   another?     Just   a   little   one   for   present? 
Cumsha?     Good-feeling    from    Wang-Sing  —  to    for 
get?     (He  holds  out  a  little  vial.) 

FATHER  JER. 

You  fill  me  with  horror.  (He  goes  quickly  behind 
the  cabin.) 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  109 

WANG 

(Looking  after  him} 

Him   very   upset.     Master   of   ship   muc'h   disturb. 
Why  he  come  if  find  it  like  he  say?     Queer.     Explain. 

JAKE 

(Nervously,  fingering  the  silk} 
Oh  —     He's  soft  in  the  head. 

CRAWLS 

It's  only  his  loony  way.  (He  quickly  picks  up  a 
string  of  beads.}  How  much  you  sell? 

WANG 

All  good  jade.  Me  sell  twelve  pieces.  Very  fine 
bargain. 

CRAWLS 

• 

You  fat  old  pirate!      (He  flings  down  the  beads.} 

WANG 

(Fingering  his  stock} 

Or  you  like  fans?  Very  fine.  Six  pieces.  All 
painted  ivory.  Very  cheap.  Nice  carved  moonstones 
—  rings  —  jade  frogs  —  Anything  but  pearls.  Very 
sorry.  No  pearls. 

CRAWLS 
(Throwing  himself  on   the  silks  and  gathering  them 

all  up  in  a  heap} 

You  take  your  rubbish.  We  don't  want  any  of 
it. 

JAKE 
Yes.     Skip.     Quick, 


no  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

WANG 
Me  no  go. 

JAKE 
We'll  see  to  that. 

WANG 

(Gently) 

Me  no  want  fuss.  Call  police.  Very  tiresome. 
Me  only  say  no  go  until  something  sell.  Bad  joss. 

JAKE 

(Plunging  his  hand  into  his  pocket) 
You  clear  out  if  we  buy  something? 

WANG 

(Bowing} 

Sure.  No  fuss.  No  row.  Just  buy  some  little 
thing. 

JAKE 

Give  me  that  wooden  box.  Here's  three  coppers. 
(He  throws  them  down  on  the  deck-house.) 

WANG 

(Quickly  taking  up  the  box) 
Me  have  different  price. 

JAKE 
Not  another  grain. 

WANG 

No,  different.  Little  box  very  small.  Just  give  as 
present  —  for  something  else.  Exchange.  Remem 
ber  ship  by,  no  go  unless  exchange. 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  in 

CRAWLS 
Give  'im  the  yard  arm. 

JAKE 

(Gathering  up  the  pennies} 
What^d'ye  want? 

WANG 

Old  lantern.     Hang  in  cabin. 

JAKE 
What! 

CRAWLS 

(In  a  thin  scream) 
Aah! 

WANG 

Me  like  that.     You  have  box.     Me  lantern.     (He 
pushes  the  box,  smiling,  across  the  cabin  top.) 

JAKE 

(Making  a  dive  for  the  door) 
I'll  get  it  for  you. 

WANG 

(Blocking  him) 

No.     Me    get    lantern.     Wang-Sing    take    lantern 
only  as  is.     No  take  anything  out.     No  change. 

CRAWLS 
You  sneakin',  spyin'  thief! 

JAKE 
You'd  listen.     Would  you  ?     I'll  crop  your  ears  for 


ii2  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

ye.     (He  lunges  toward  WANG  who  steps  back  and 
claps  his  hands  sharply.) 

WANG 

Observe  —  behind  you.  ( The  heads  of  three  grin 
ning  Chinamen  appear  over  the  rail.  They  have  bare 
muscular  arms,  and  knives  in  their  hands.)  My  boat 
men  wait  for  me.  Very  active  men.  No  good 
argue  with  Wang-Sing.  Not  healthy. 

JAKE 

(Dropping  his  hold  of  WANG) 
You  yellow  buzzard! 

WANG 

(He   claps   his   hands  and   nods  at   the    men.     They 

disappear) 
Very  good.     Now  we  talk. 

JAKE 
What  do  you  want? 

WANG 
The  lantern. 

JAKE 
I'll  see  you  throttled  with  your  own  fan  cord  first. 

CRAWLS 
And  I'll  help. 

WANG 

(Imperturbably,  fanning  himself) 
No    good.     Bad    to    have    fuss.     Noise.     Quarrel. 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  113 

Murder  maybe.     No.     No.     Bring  police.     They  no 
care  for  men  who  steal  pearls. 

CRAWLS 
(In  a  wail) 
But  they're  ours  —  ours. 

WANG 

Wang-Sing  no  fool. 

JAKE 
What  do  you  know  about  'em  ? 

WANG 

(Still  fanning) 

Wang-Sing  know  pearls  belong  priest.  He  look 
for  pearls  some  weeks  ago  in  stones  of  old  church. 
No  find.  Ver'  too  bad.  Wang-Sing  hear  many  ways 
in  bazaar.  Alia  same  pearls  b'long  priest.  Police 
come.  He  get  them  back.  No  one  else  get  them. 
Maybe  you  go  jail. 

JAKE 
I'll  give  you  a  third  of  'em. 

CRAWLS 
That's  shares  and  everybody  even. 

WANG 

(Advancing  slowly   towards   the   cabin  door) 
I    give   you   each   one  —  two   maybe.     Keep   quiet. 
Otherwise  call  oolice. 


ii4  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

JAKE 

(Agonized} 

Oh  —  you  made  me  tell  you,  Jake.  You  made  me 
tell  —  and  look  wot  it's  come  to  now ! 

(As  WANG  sets  foot  on  the  threshold  a  loud 
whistling  is  heard  from  the  darkness  of  the 
cabin  within.  WANG  recoils.) 

CRAWLS 

It's  Smike.  'E's  awake.  Now  we're  done,  for 
fair. 

JAKE 
I  'ope  'e  breaks  'is  neck. 

CRAWLS 
(Cringing) 
Who's  neck? 

(SMIKE  appears  slouching  in  the  doorway.  He 
is  a  tall,  sallow  man,  in  torn  and  dirty  white 
trousers  and  shirt.  A  wide  shade  hat  is  pulled 
down  over  his  forehead,  shading  restless  black 
eyes,  and  a  long  thin  nose.  He  carries  himself 
with  a  swagger,  and  rests  one  hand  on  a  pistol 
in  his  dirty  red  sash.) 

SMIKE 
(With  a  shove  of  his  hand  that  sends  WANG  back 

a  pace) 

What  were  you  doing  coming  into  my  cabin? 
(From  his  voice  he  is  just  a  little  intoxicated,  and 
still  sleepy.)  Come  on  —  what  were  you  doing? 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  115 

WANG 

Many  apologies.  Much  sorry  intrude.  Just  make 
friendly  call.  Me  Wang-Sing.  Good  merchant.  Me 
just  step  inside  cabin.  See  if  need  new  silk  for  cush 
ions  maybe.  Have  got  fine  cheap  silk. 

SMIKE 

I  guess  I  can  worry  along  a  while  longer  without 
any  of  your  silk  in  my  cabin.  And  I'd  just  as  soon 
shoot  any  yellow  head  on  sight  that  comes  in  without 
an  invitation.  Or  any  one  else,  either.  Just  hold  on 
to  that.  Keep  out  of  my  cabin.  (He  swings  up  onto 
the  deck-house  top,  and  sits,  dangling  his  legs  over  the 
open  cabin  door.) 

WANG 

(Bowing) 

Wang-Sing  hear  much  of  Mr.  Captain  Smike. 
Him  very  good  shot.  Him  much  respect.  His 
boat,  too. 

JAKE 
Us  three's  solid.     You  can  drink  that  straight. 

SMIKE 
What's  up? 

CRAWLS 

(Cringing  and  fingering  the  silks) 

'E  was  cheatin'  us,   'e  was.     The  old  yellow  bull 

frog  'ead.     'E  was  bullyin'  us  with   'is  pirates  in   'is 

boat  alongside   there.     We  as   'as   lost  so  much  and 

ain't  got  nothin'.     We  'as  'ad  a  'ard  disappointment. 


ii6  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

WANG 
Me  poor  man,  too.     Very  poor. 

JAKE 

Yes.     We've  enough  to  swallow  without  'im  addin' 
to  it. 

CRAWLS 
We  as  is  so  'ard  up. 

SMIKE 
You  don't  seem  able  to  talk  of  much  else. 

CRAWLS 
It's  an  absorbin'  subject. 

SMIKE 
(To  WANG) 
What  did  you  come  here  for? 

WANG 

(Sitting  himself  on  an  overturned  bucket) 
Me  come  on  business. 

SMIKE 
Just  what  business? 

JAKE 
'Old  'ard  there  now. 

CRAWLS 
(Shaking) 

Yes.     You  be  careful  how  you  talk;  we  don't  know 
nothin'  about  it,  remember. 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  117 

JAKE 
And  it's  rotten  business  whatever  it  is. 

WANG 

(Gently) 

Me  come  on  good  business.  Very  good.  About 
pearls. 

SMIKE 

(Softly,  fondling  his  revolver) 
Pearls?    What  pearls? 

CRAWLS 
Don't  you  listen  to  'im. 

WANG 

(Calmly) 

Me  not  know  yet.  Wang-Sing  come  'board.  Hear 
much  about  pearls.  Long  string.  Very  fine.  These 
gentlemen  want  to  get  rid.  Wang-Sing  buy  may-be. 

SMIKE 
(Shifting   his   gaze   and   his  revolver   to   JAKE   and 

CRAWLS) 

Very  interesting  story.  Very.  Which  one  of  you 
thought  of  this  first? 

CRAWLS 

Oh,  'e  come  on  us.  I  swear  'e  did.  The  old  fox 
foot  crep'  up  on  us  from  behind  while  we  was  talkin'. 
We  never  meant  to  slip  nothin'  over  on  you.  Like 
you  was  doin'  on  us.  We  just  happened  to  find  'em 
natural  —  and  we  was  talkin' — 


ii8  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

SMIKE 
(Slipping  down  from  the  deck   house  and  advancing 

on  him} 

Well,  you  sneak,  Crawls.  You  won't  talk  much 
longer. 

JAKE 

(Vindictively) 

Yes.  'E  was  the  one  as  found  out  where  you  'id 
'em.  And  'e  was  goin'  to  sneak  'em  out  on  you,  'e 
was.  Ask  'im  what  'e's  been  plannin'  to  do  these 
weeks.  I  was  the  one  as  just  found  it  out. 

CRAWLS 

Ask  'im  what  'e  was  goin'  to  do  when  'e  made  me 
tell  'im.  Take  every  one  of  'em  'imself,  'e  was. 

SMIKE 

(Still  advancing) 

I'll  settle  with  him  later.  (His  voice  is  very 
smooth.)  You  was  the  first  to  find  'em.  Was  you  ? 

CRAWLS 
(Screaming) 

Don't  you  do  nothin'  to  me.  Don't!  don't!  If 
you  do  'e'll  'ave  the  'Arbor  Police  on  you.  And  you'll 
jail  for  it!  Don't  you  see  'e  will?  Don't  you  see? 

WANG 

Police  come.  Very  tiresome.  No  can  do  good 
business.  No  can  do  anything.  Better  fix  up  pearls. 
Us  four.  All  quiet. 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  119 

SMIKE 

(Leaning  against  the  deck  house} 
That's  the  trick.     Is  it?     You  three  lyin',  thievin', 
piclcin'  carrion! 

JAKE 

And  what  was  you  plannin'  to  do  to  us  two? 
Sneak  off  with  'em  all  to  yourself.  Keep  'em.  Them 
was  your  plans. 

SMIKE 

And  there's  nothin'  between  me  and  them  —  but 
you  three.  (He  fingers  his  revolver.) 

CRAWLS 
(Terrified) 

You  can't!  You  can't!  'E's  got  a  boat  full  o' 
Chinamen  over  the  side,  and  it'll  'ave  all  of  us. 

JAKE 

Them  pearls  is  ours,  too  —  or  I  split  about  them 
wherever  I  am. 

WANG 

Pearls  no  b'long  any  one  here.  Pearls  b'long 
priest.  Alia  same  very  good  pearls.  Priest  no  know 
how  use  them.  Better  not  waste  pearls. 

SMIKE 
I'm  sick. 

CRAWLS 

You  would  hide  'em  from  us.  You  would  keep  'em. 
And  now  it's  four  instead  of  three.  You  can't  say  as 
how  you  didn't  start  it. 


120  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

WANG 

All  fine.  Divide  pearls  in  four  equals.  One  share 
each  of  us  four.  Very  good  business.  All  square. 

JAKE 
And  no  slippery  footin'  it  by  any  of  us  this  time. 

CRAWLS 
Us  four  —  equals. 

SMIKE 

I'll  see  it's  equals.  Crawls,  step  in  there  and  bring 
out  the  lantern.  I'll  watch  these  two.  No  more 
talkin'  goes  on  here  without  my  hearin'  it  —  and  no 
one  gets  in  the  close  cabin.  And  if  you're  more  than 
four  seconds  haulin'  that  lantern  out,  Crawls,  you're 
dead.  And  there'll  be  no  tellin'  the  police.  Eh? 

JAKE 

That's  straight. 

(CRAWLS  dives  into  the  cabin,  and  instantly 
there  is  a  shriek  of  horror  from  him.  JAKE  and 
SMIKE  spring  to  the  door.  WANG  starts  up.} 

SMIKE 

(Leaning  over  the  threshold) 
What's  that?    What's  that?     Crawls! 

CRAWLS 

(Within,  in  sobbing  gasps) 

It  ain't!  It  ain't!  No!  No!  I  never  did 
nothin'  to  it! 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  121 

SMIKE 
(Reaching  in  and  catching  hold  of  CRAWLS,  who  is 

writhing  on  the  floor) 
What  are  you  slobbering  about? 

CRAWLS 
The  lantern!     The  lantern!     It  ain't  there! 

SMIKE 

What!     (He  brings  out  CRAWLS  with  a  jerk,  and 
throws  him  on  the  deck.) 

JAKE 

What!      (He  dashes  into  the  cabin.     He  reappears 
in  the  door.)      It's  gone.     Clean  gone. 

.  SMIKE 
Gone!     It  was  there  all  right.     Crawls  — 

CRAWLS 

(Struggling  up  from  the  deck) 
Look-a-here.     Look-a-here.     This     paper.     It    was 
'anging  on  the  'ook  of  the  lamp  and  I  took  it.      (He 
brings  up  a  piece  of  paper.)     It  says  the  priest's  took 
it.     'E's  took  it  and  gone! 

SMIKE 
What's  that? 

WANG 

Tell  quick.     Or  I  call  men.     Big  fight. 


122  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

i 
CRAWLS 

(Reading) 

'E's  took  'em.  Your  men  and  the  boat,  too.  'E's 
paid  'em  to  take  'im  ashore.  'E's  sneaked  off  with 
the  boat.  (Sobbing.}  'E  says  'e'll  send  it  back  when 
'e's  safe  in  the  monastery.  'Im  and  the  pearls. 

WANG 

What's  that?     Pearls  gone? 

CRAWLS 

(Reading  agonizedly) 

'E  says  'e  'card  us.  (In  a  rising  wail.)  And  'e 
was  'orrified  and  upset. 

JAKE 
The  black  'opping  'ypocritical  crow! 

CRAWLS 

'E  says  the  boat  was  sent  from  'eaven  to  'elp  'im 
escape.  And  'e  'opes  we'll  reform! 

JAKE 

'E  done  us.  I  knew  'e  would.  'E  and  'is  sneakin', 
listenin'  ways.  'E  was  always  creeping  up  on  us. 
Listenin'.  We  might  'a  known.  There's  no  privacy 
on  this  boat. 

CRAWLS 

They're  gone!  They're  gone!  (Sobbing.)  'E 
sneaked  in  from  the  back,  the  galley  way,  while  we  was 
talkin' — 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  123 

JAKE 

(Wrenching  his  arm} 
Yes,  the  same  as  you  sneaked  in  and  saw  'em. 

CRAWLS 

(Giving  way  hopelessly) 

The  same!     The  same!     Only  'e's  got  'em!     For 
good! 

WANG 

(Striding  about  frenziedly) 

No   boat.     No   boat.     No  catch   him.     What   can 
do?     Nothing. 

CRAWLS 
Not  even  our  pay  left!     'E  says  we're  thieves! 

SMIKE 

(Falling  on  CRAWLS) 
You'll  pay  for  this.     You  sneak. 
(See  Note,  page  124.)  * 

CRAWLS 

(Struggling  violently) 

Who  was  it  started  it  all  ?     Who  stole  'em  to  begin 
with?     You!     You  thievin'  vulture! 

JAKE 

(Falling  on  WANG) 
It's  you  kept  us  from  gettin'  at  'em.     You  pirate ! 

WANG 

(Falling  on  SMIKE) 

Wang-Sing    mad.     Wang-Sing    furious.     Cheated! 
Cheated !     Cheated ! 


124  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

(They  all  struggle,  shouting  on  the  deck  and 
disappear  into  the  cabin,  still  struggling. 

*  NOTE. 

(If  the  struggle  ending  is  found  difficult  and  cumber 
some  on  a  small  indoor  stage  this  is  an  alternative.) 

SMIKE 

You'll  pay  for  this.     You  sneak. 
(He  seizes  CRAWLS  and  drags  him,  screaming  and 
struggling  towards  the  boat's  side.) 

CRAWLS 

(Resisting  violently) 

Who  was  it  started  it  all?     Who  stole  'em  to  begin 
with?    You!     You  thievin'  vulture! 

(They  disappear,  fighting,  behind  the  sail.) 

JAKE 

(Making  for  WANG) 
It's  you  kept  us  from  gettin'  at  'em.     You  pirate! 

WANG 

Wang  Sing  mad.     Wang  Sing  furious. 

(As  JAKE  approaches,  he  gathers  up  his  skirts,  and 

swiftly  ducks  behind  the  cabin.} 
Get    police.      Remember.      Get    police.      Cheated. 
Cheated.     Cheated. 

(SMIKE  suddenly  appears  from  behind  the  sail, 
without  CRAWLS.  JAKE  draws  a  pistol  and 
covers  him.  SMIKE  pulls  his  pistol  at  the  same 
time.  They  stand  there  measuring  each  other, 


FOUR  OF  A  KIND  125 

the  round,  yellow  face  of  WANG  watching  from 
around  the  cabin  corner.  The  curtain  falls  — 
slowly.  After  it  has  completely  dropped,  there 
is  one  pistol  shot.) 


FOR  OUTDOOR  PRODUCTION   OF  FOUR 
OF  A  KIND 

The  deck  of  a  houseboat  can  be  easily  used  for  this 
play  if  there  is  room  for  an  audience.  The  action 
of  the  play  takes  place  in  a  very  small  space.  A  por 
tion  of  the  deck  ten  feet  by  six  should  be  sufficient. 
Father  Jerolomen  in  his  promenade,  could  even  walk 
back  through  the  audience,  and  come  back  again  for 
his  cue.  A  small  rowboat  with  the  Chinaman  and 
his  crew  can  be  moored  close  to  the  side  of  the  boat, 
in  such  a  way  that  the  audience  does  not  see  it.  The 
Chinaman  simply  appears  over  the  side  of  the  boat 
at  his  cue. 


126  FOUR  OF  A  KIND 

If  the  boat  used  is  a  sailboat,  the  action  can  take 
place  on  the  deck,  the  audience  being  seated  in  the 
cockpit  and  in  small  rowboats  about.  Or  the  audi 
ence  may  be  on  a  wharf,  and  the  play  take  place  on 
a  small  sized  sailboat  moored  close  to  the  wharf. 
In  this  case,  the  sail  should  be  up,  hiding  the  small 
boat  with  the  Chinamen. 

FOR  INDOOR  PRODUCTION 

This  play  could  be  very  simply  given  on  any  im 
provised  stage.  Almost  no  scenery  is  necessary.  A 
bright  blue  backdrop  for  the  sky  —  a  corner  of  sail 
drawn  across  it,  below  it  the  deck  rail  rising  about  three 
feet  above  the  deck,  a  few  coiled  ropes,  and  an  over 
turned  bucket.  At  one  side,  the  suggestion  of  a  low 
roofed  cabin,  with  a  door.  The  curtain  rises  on  Jake 
and  Crawls  playing  cards  on  the  deck,  and  falls  on 
the  confusion  of  the  general  fight.  The  lighting 
should  be  very  bright,  making  sharp  black  shadows, 
and  vivid  yellow  spaces  of  sunlight. 


THE  PRINCESS  IN 
THE  FAIRY  TALE 


THE  PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 
A  GARDEN  FAIRY  STORY  FOR  CHILDREN 

SCENE.     A  garden  in  a  fairy  tale. 
TIME.     A  summer  afternoon. 

CHARACTERS 

THE  PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE. 

THE  OLD  NURSE. 

THE  DRAGON. 

THE  PRINCE  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE. 

BILLY  TRAVERS. 

THE  KING  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE. 

THE  QUEEN  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE. 

THE  Six  LITTLE  PRINCESSES. 

THE  Two  HERALDS. 

1  Copyright,  1919,  by  Constance  Wilcox. 


THE    PRINCESS    IN   THE 
FAIRY   TALE 

(NOTE) 

f  j  jHIS  setting  is  purely  fantastic,  and  meant  to 
I        be   achieved   by   an   indoor   production.     The 
•^        suggestions  for  outdoor  production  are  at  the 
end  of  the  play. 

The  scene  is  a  garden.  Four  tall  dark  cedan 
guard  it  at  the  back,  and  behind  their  high  silhouettes 
is  a  vague  woodland,  with  slim  tree  trunks  gray  against 
a  twilight  mist,  filled  with  an  eerie,  dim,  mauve  light. 
In  the  foreground,  a  round  fountain,  with  one  bright 
jet  of  water  springing  up  from  its  clear  pool.  THE 
DRAGON  lies  by  the  fountain,  his  silver  scales  gleaming 
softly.  As  he  lies,  his  horned  head,  with  its  scales  and 
alligator  jaw,  rests  peacefully  on  his  outstretched  front 
claws.  His  eyes  are  closed,  and  he  is  breathing  gently, 
a  little  blue  smoke  coming  from  his  wide  nostrils. 
The  little  PRINCESS  is  seated  on  a  low  stool  by  the 
fountain,  sewing.  She  is  dressed  in  a  very  short  white 
ruffled  pinafore,  with  a  crown  embroidered  in  one 
corner,  and  her  plump  little  legs  in  their  white  socks 
and  black  strap  slippers  are  crossed  primly  before  her. 
She  has  a  quantity  of  beautiful  fair  hair  hanging  like 
spun  silk,  loose  over  her  shoulders,  and  she  wears  a 
129 


i3o    PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

very  small  high  pointed  gold  crown.  Her  round  pink 
and  white  face  is  all  screwed  up  in  her  attempts  at 
sewing  as  she  jabs  in  and  out  of  her  embroidery. 

THE  OLD  NURSE  sits  on  a  stool  a  little  behind,  at 
the  right  of  the  PRINCESS.  She  is  very  fat,  and  dressed 
in  voluminous  leaf  brown,  with  a  wide  frilly  cap  fram 
ing  her  wrinkled  face,  topped  by  a  pointed  black  witch 
hat. 

The  light  in  the  garden  is  clear,  and  yet  very  soft, 
with  an  odd  bluish  tinge,  like  the  edge  of  twilight. 
The  sky  above  the  dark  cedars  is  a  deep  twilight  blue. 

THE  NURSE 

(In  a  droning  voice,  as  her  head  nods  back  and  forth 
on  her  ample  chest} 

"  A  moonbeam  floateth  from  the  skies  — 

Whispering — '  Heighho,  my  dearie;   (She  sighs  sleep> 

ily} 

I  would  spin  a  web  before  your  eyes  — 
A  beautiful  web  of  silver  light, 
Wherein  is  many  a  wondrous  sight 
Of  a  radiant  garden  leagues  away  — 
Where  the  softly  tinkling  lilies  sway  — 
.  .  .  Heighho,  my  dearie! ' 

EUGENE  FIELD. 

(  With  a  deep  sigh,  her  voice  trails  away  and  she  sleeps. 
THE  DRAGON  joins  her  with  a  gentle  snore.} 

PRINCESS 

(With  a  sudden  vicious  jab  of  the  needle} 
Ouch!      (She  puts  her  finger  in  her  mouth.} 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     131 

NURSE 
(Waking  with  a  start,  and  rushing  to  the  PRINCESS 

shaking  her  by  the  shoulder} 

Drat  the  child!  Take  your  thumb  out  of  your 
mouth!  (She  fishes  a  handkerchief  out  of  the  PRIN 
CESS'  pinafore  pocket.)  And  let  three  drops  fall  on 
your  handkerchief  at  once!  What  sort  of  a  Fairy 
Tale  Princess  are  you  —  to  let  an  opportunity  like 
that  go  to  waste.  Oh,  dear,  Oh,  dear!  (She  tries  to 
squeeze  the  PRINCESS'  finger  over  the  handkerchief.) 

PRINCESS 
(Jerking  her  hand  away,  and  sticking  her  thumb  in 

her  mouth  again) 

I  will  put  my  thumb  in  my  mouth.  I  will.  I  will. 
(She  beats  a  tattoo  on  the  stool  with  her  heels.)  I 
won't  put  three  drops  on  my  handkerchief  to  make 
another  old  fairy  tale  —  so  it  can  be  lost,  and  the 
Dragon  eat  it,  or  the  pixies  steal  it,  or  the  Prince  find 
it.  Of  course  he  would  find  it  and  come  flourishing 
back  with  the  silly  thing  to  me.  They  always  end  the 
same  way.  I'm  tired  of  'em.  I  am.  I  am!  I'm 
sick  of  being  the  Princess  in  the  Fairy  Tale!  Yah! 

NURSE 

You  can't  help  that,  my  dearie,  because  that's  what 
you  are,  and  that's  what  you  must  be  until  the  Fairy 
Lands  fall  into  dust. 

PRINCESS 

They're  all  asleep  now.  I'm  going  to  run  away. 
(She  jumps  up,  and  puts  her  embroidery  on  the  stool.) 


132     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

NURSE 

You  can't  do  that,  my  dearie,  because  it's  all  a 
dream,  and  you  are  part  of  it. 

PRINCESS 

(Stamping   her  foot) 
Then  I  will  wake  it  up ! 

NURSE 

(With  a  little  chuckle) 

You  are  part  of  the  Fairy  Tale  even  when  you 
lose  your  temper.  The  Princess  in  the  Fairy  Tale 
can  frequently  do  that.  ( The  PRINCESS  swiftly  runs 
out  her  tongue.)  But  they  never  stick  out  their 
tongue.  No.  No.  Naughty. 

PRINCESS 

(Jumping  up  and  down) 

I  will  be  naughty!  My  foot's  asleep.  And  I'm 
tired  of  being  the  sweet  little  Princess  with  golden 
hair,  who  waits  around  and  waits  around,  and  never 
does  anything  interesting,  but  sits  in  a  tower  window 
or  under  a  tree  with  a  dragon,  and  is  rescued  each 
evening  by  the  same  little  sissy  Prince ! 

NURSE 

That's  what  makes  the  Fairy  Tales.  We  each  have 
our  part  to  play.  (She  tries  to  straighten  the  PRIN 
CESS'  pinafore.)  Now  you  mustn't  get  your  clean 
pinafore  all  mussed,  and  your  hair  tumbled.  It's  al 
most  time  for  the  afternoon  Story  of  the  Dragon.  I 
heard  the  owl  hoot  the  first  three  times  in  the  wood. 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE      133 

That  means  the  Prince  has  started  on  his  journey. 
He'll  be  here  soon. 

PRINCESS 

(Jerking  away  as  the  NURSE  tries  to  arrange  her  hair) 
I  don't  want  him  to  come.  I  don't  want  my  hair 
smoothed.  It's  always  being  brushed,  and  fussed  with, 
and  last  time  the  little  silly  tried  to  climb  to  the  tower 
window  on  it  he  pulled  dreadfully! 

NURSE 
(Soothingly) 

But  think  how  nice  to  be  rescued  from  the  dragon, 
and  have  all  the  trumpets  blow,  and  the  King  and 
Queen  come  into  the  garden  and  order  the  cannon 
shot  off,  and  the  banquet  —  and  the  march  of  triumph 
around  the  dreadful  dragon. 

PRINCESS 

He  isn't  a  bit  dreadful.  He  just  sleeps  and  never 
even  looks  at  me.  He  isn't  half  the  nuisance  the 
Prince  is.  I  wish  he  would  beat  the  Prince  up  for 
once. 

NURSE 

Oh,  no,  no.  That  wouldn't  be  according  to  law. 
And  then  think  of  all  the  festivity  when  he  is  van 
quished  ! 

PRINCESS 

I  don't  think  it's  fun.  And  they  never  let  me  sit 
up  for  the  banquet  —  and  I  hate  walking  in  a  silly 
procession  and  trying  to  keep  off  the  long  trains.  And 
I  want  my  tea! 


134     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

NURSE 

There.  There.  Sit  down  and  finish  the  nice  cob 
web  embroidery  you  are  working  for  the  Queen's  birth 
day.  It  will  never  be  done.  You  can  leave  a  space 
for  the  evil  Fairy  to  finish  one  corner. 

PRINCESS 
(Sitting  sulkily} 
Can't  I  ever  have  any  fun?     I  want  my  tea. 

NURSE 

Just  you  be  good,  my  dearie,  and  I  will  get  you  the 
tea.  You  shall  have  it  right  after  the  story  with  the 
Dragon. 

PRINCESS 
With  strawberries? 

NURSE 

With  strawberries  —  and  sugar  comfits.  I'll  go  see 
to  them  now.  Be  good.  (She  puts  the  PRINCESS' 
crown  into  place.}  Just  think  of  the  dragon.  He 
never  gets  any  tea. 

(She  goes  out,  briskly  at  the  left,  vanishing 
behind  the  trees.  The  PRINCESS  sews  for  a 
moment,  then  stops,  looks  over  her  shoulder  to 
make  sure  the  NURSE  has  gone,  slips  from  her 
seat,  and  tiptoes  to  THE  DRAGON,  who  is  still 
snoring  very  softly.} 

PRINCESS 
(In  a  whisper} 

Dragon!  (A  little  louder,  and  moving  nearer.} 
Dragon ! 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     135 

(THE  DRAGON  stirs  uneasily,  and  breathes  an 
especially  deep  snore.  The  PRINCESS  gets 
down  softly  on  her  knees,  picks  a  long  blade 
of  grass,  and  tickles  THE  DRAGON'S  nose 
with  it.) 

PRINCESS 
Dragon!     (She  tickles  his  nose.) 

DRAGON 

(Moving  a  little) 
Ur-umph!      (He  puffs  out  a  lot  of  blue  smoke.) 

PRINCESS 
There's  a  dear!      (She  tickles  one  ear.) 

DRAGON 

(In  a  very  deep  grumbly,  sleepy  voice) 
Ur-umph.     What  d'y  want? 

PRINCESS 

(Sitting  back  on  her  heels) 
Wake  up,  Dragon. 

DRAGON 

(Turning  a   little  and  opening  one  eye) 
What  for?     'Tisn't  time  yet.     You  can't  fool  me. 
I  know  it  like  a  book.     What  y'  disturbing  me  for? 
(He  closes  his  eye  again.) 

PRINCESS 

I  want  to  talk  to  you!      (She  leans  forward  and 
tickles  his  ear.) 


136     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

DRAGON 

Talk  then.  But  don't  whisk  that  thing  about  me! 
(He  shakes  his  head  peevishly,  and  opens  his  eyes.) 

PRINCESS 

(Getting  down  close  to  him  —  in  a  whisper) 
Dragon.     Eat  him! 

DRAGON 
(With  a  prodigious  yawn,  showing  his  huge  Crocodile 

mouth  and  teeth) 
Eat  who? 

PRINCESS 

(Clapping  her  hands) 

That's  it!  You  have  such  a  beautiful,  big,  red 
mouth  and  such  long  teeth.  Eat  him  for  me,  Dragon. 
Eat  him! 

DRAGON 

(Rolling  his  eyes  at  her  reproachfully) 
I'm  not  a  cannibal.     I  eat  grasshoppers  only,  and 
precious   few   and   stringy   they   are  since   the  fairies 
have  such  a  fad  for  riding  them. 

PRINCESS 

Then  scare  him,  Dragon.  Open  your  mouth  and 
bellow,  and  frighten  him,  so  he'll  run  and  never  come 
back. 

DRAGON 
Who? 

PRINCESS 
The  Prince. 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     137 

DRAGON 
I  couldn't  do  it. 

PRINCESS 

Oh,  yes,  you  could.  You  have  no  idea  how  soft  he 
is,  and  little  and  fat.  And  easily  scared! 

DRAGON 

But  that  sharp  bright  sword  of  his!  He  flicks  it  in 
front  of  me.  And  my  eyes  are  weak. 

PRINCESS 

That's  all  he  does.  He  doesn't  know  how  to  use  it. 
And  he's  so  used  to  your  just  lying  down  and  letting 
him  walk  on  you,  that  he'd  never  stop  running  if  you 
just  once  turned  on  him  and  snapped.  Oh,  do,  there's 
a  darling,  Dragon.  Then  he  wouldn't  bother  me  any 
more.  And  he  is  such  a  tiresome  little  boy. 

DRAGON 

(Reflectively,   blinking    his   eyes) 
I  don't  see  why  I  should.     I  don't  see  what  I  get 
out  of  this.      (He  grumbles  deeply.)      For  that  mat 
ter  what  do  I  ever  get  out  of  anything,  but  a  few 
hours'  sleep  and  that  disturbed  — 

PRINCESS 

I  am  so  sorry.  But  it  is  so  important.  As  a  fa 
vor — 

DRAGON 

I  don't  see  that  it  is  important.  Here  I  am  very 
comfortable.  What's  the  use  of  stirring  everything 


138     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

up,  and  goodness  knows  what  might  happen?  How 
do  I  know  but  he  might  accidentally  jab  that  sword 
in  my  eye?  And  I'm  not  as  spry  as  I  used  to  be.  He 
might  beat  me  anyway.  And  think  of  the  humiliation 
of  that! 

PRINCESS 

He  wouldn't.  He's  the  scaredest  little  thing, 
really ! 

DRAGON 

Even  at  that,  where  do  I  come  in?  Nobody  ever 
pays  any  attention  to  me  anyway,  and  if  the  Prince 
went  away  I  would  lose  my  job.  I  can  hardly  feed 
myself  as  it  is.  And  no  one  ever  invites  me  to  tea. 
(Ruminatively.)  And  I  have  always  loved  candies. 

PRINCESS 

I  will.  I  will  give  you  half  my  tea.  It's  to  be  a 
lovely  one.  With  strawberries  —  and  sugar  —  and  — 

DRAGON 
Candies? 

PRINCESS 

Comfits.  Pink  ones.  Just  chase  the  Prince  a  little 
way,  Dragon,  dear,  and  you  can  have  all  the  comfits !  — 
except  one. 

DRAGON 

How  could  I  get  at  the  Prince?  They'd  never  let 
me  do  it  here. 

PRINCESS 

(Eagerly  clasping  her  hands} 
You  could  go  to  meet  him.     In  the  wood.     And 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     139 

then  he  would  be  surprised.  He  wouldn't  have  a 
chance.  And  run!  (She  laughs.}  Just  one  beauti 
ful  blue  snort  from  you  —  and  my  —  he  would  run ! 
I  should  love  to  see  it.  Come.  Quick.  (She  tugs 
at  THE  DRAGON'S  claw,  and  he  slowly  lifts  himself.} 

DRAGON 
I  am  to  have  all  the  comfits. 

PRINCESS 

How  greedy.  But  never  mind.  Just  one  switch  of 
your  tail  and  a  good  roar  as  if  you  meant  it,  and 
don't  forget  to  open  your  beautiful  red  mouth.  (She 
drags  him  towards  the  wood.} 

DRAGON 

You  say  he  is  very  gentle  ?  He  always  looked  quite 
vicious  to  me  —  with  that  long  sword. 

PRINCESS 
He's  really  very  little  —  and  fat. 

DRAGON 
(Doubtfully} 

Well,  I  hope  so.  As  a  matter  of  fact  I  never  have 
got  a  good  look  at  him  for  all  we  meet  every  day. 
You  see  there  is  so  much  blue  smoke  to  breathe  out,  that 
it  fogs  up  the  atmosphere,  and  then  he  flashes  his 
sword,  and,  as  I  said,  my  eyes  are  a  little  weak.  I 
always  close  them  just  as  soon  as  I'm  conquered  so  I  can 
sleep  as  much  as  possible. 


HO     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCESS 
(Impatiently} 

Yes.  Yes.  But  hurry.  You  will  meet  him  at  the 
edge  of  the  wood.  He  must  be  almost  there  now. 

DRAGON 

(Rolling  his  eyes} 

But  how  do  I  know  after  all  I  won't  mistake  him? 
He's  always  wearing  some  new  costume,  and  I'd  hate 
to  stir  up  any  of  those  spiteful  tempered  little  pixies. 
They'd  prick  me  all  over  with  thistles. 

PRINCESS 

The  pixies  never  come  out  till  the  moon  is  up. 
And  the  Prince  is  the  only  one  who  ever  comes  through 
the  fairyland  wood.  He'll  be  a  little  boy  without  any 
horns  on  his  head  like  the  pixies,  and  he'll  come  along 
the  highroad  between  Fairyland  and  the  Outside,  and 
turn  into  the  wood.  And  then,  one  big  snap  and  a 
growl  and  blue  fire,  and  you  can  come  down  for  tea 
with  me.  And  nobody  will  disturb  us. 

DRAGON 
Little  and  fat.     You're  quite  sure  he'll  run? 

PRINCESS 
Oh,  quite. 

DRAGON 

Gr-umph.  (He  puffs  out  blue  smoke.}  This  is 
quite  an  adventure.  I  feel  almost  young  again. 
Gr-umph!  (He  turns  into  the  wood.} 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     141 

PRINCESS 

(Dancing  up  and  down) 
Isn't  it  fun!     Good-by,  Dragon,  dear. 

DRAGON 

(Turning  to  look  back) 

All  the  comfits,  mind.  Don't  you  eat  any  before 
I  come. 

PRINCESS 

Good-by.  Good-by.  (She  waves,  as  THE  DRAGON 
slowly  crawls  through  the  wood.  His  silver  scales 
gleam  for  a  moment  among  the  trees  and  then  vanish 
in  the  mists.) 

(There  sound  three  hoots  of  an  owl.  The 
PRINCESS  turns  with  a  jump,  and  looks  about 
anxiously.) 

PRINCESS 
It  isn't  time  yet,  I'm  sure.     Oh,  I  hope  he  isn't  too 

late.     He's  such  a  ponderous  old  thing!      (She  looks 

into  the  wood  after  THE  DRAGON.) 

(The  PRINCE  in  the  Fairy  Tale  enters  sud 
denly  from  the  right,  emerging  from  the  bushes. 
He  is  a  plump  little  boy  in  a  purple  Fauntleroy 
suit  with  a  deep  lace  collar,  and  a  golden  sash. 
He  wears  a  little  soft  velvet  cap  with  a  long 
white  feather,  and  his  hair  falls  to  his  shoulders 
in  neat  yellow  curls.  He  is  very  pretty,  with 
a  dimpled  chin,  and  carries  himself  with  a 
little  swagger,  pointing  out  his  buckled  slippers 
as  he  walks,  A  jaunty  short  velvet  cap  swings 


i42      PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

from  his  shoulders,  and  in  one  hand  he  carries 
a  very  long  unsheathed  rapier.} 

PRINCESS 

(Seeing  him,  with  a  little  cry) 

Oh  —  now  you've  spoiled  everything!  (She  ad 
vances  on  him.)  How  did  you  get  here — and  it's 
long  before  the  time! 

PRINCE 

(With  a  low  bow  and  a  sweep  of  his  cap} 
Charming    Princess.     Behold,    the   Prince    is    here. 
(He  has  some  difficulty  managing  both  the  very  long 
sword  and  the  cap.) 

PRINCESS 

(Plumping  down  on  her  little  stool) 
I  could  just  cry  with  vexation!     (The  PRINCE  puts 
on    his    cap   and   takes   an   airy    step,   flourishing    the 
sword.)     Well  —  how  did  you  do  it?     Sneak  up  on 
me  like  that.     You're  always  doing  something  silly. 

PRINCE 
(Loftily) 

My  Fairy  Godmother  met  me,  if  you  must  know, 
and  brought  me  here  in  her  private  chariot.  It  was 
very  nice  of  her  to  save  me  all  that  walk  through  the 
wood  —  and  the  briars.  I  would  have  been  a  little 
late  otherwise. 

PRINCESS 

(Flouncing  off  the  stool) 
Yes.       Prinker.       You    like    to    have    your    hair 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE      143 

curled.     I  bet  you  were  trying  on  lace  collars  —  to 
see  which  was  the  most  becoming! 

PRINCE 

(Touching  his  collar) 

This  is  a  new  one.  For  my  birthday.  (He  flicks 
his  sword.)  And  this,  too.  (He  tries  a  fencing  at 
titude.} 

PRINCESS 

Oh  —  do  stop  that.  I  know  you  can't  use  it.  It's 
ridiculous  and  as  long  as  you  are. 

PRINCE 

I  certainly  can.  (He  looks  around.)  Why, 
where's  the  Dragon? 

PRINCESS 

(Clasping  her  hands  and  taken  aback) 
Oh,  dear.     You  have  upset  things! 

PRINCE 
But  where  is  he? 

PRINCESS 

(Recovering   herself) 

Why  should  I  know?  (She  retires  and  stands 
aloofly  looking  into  the  wood.)  Your  business  is  to 
rescue  me  from  him. 

PRINCE 
But  what  will  I  do  if  he  isn't  here? 


i44     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCESS 
(Scornfully) 
You  never  have  any  ideas. 

(There  comes  a  sudden  bellowing  from  the 
wood.} 

PRINCE 

(Jumping  back  a  foot} 
What's  that! 

PRINCESS 
Oh,  what  can  have  happened  to  the  Dragon! 

(The  bellowing  becomes  louder,  and  is  min 
gled  with  a  crashing  of  a  heavy  body  approach 
ing  rapidly  through  the  wood.} 

PRINCE 
The  Dragon ! 

PRINCESS 

Yes.  It's  all  your  fault.  Now  he  may  be  be 
witched  or  eaten  some  catnip  or  something,  and  eat 
us  both!  (She  runs  terrified,  back  to  the  fountain. 
The  PRINCE  leaps  away  still  further.} 

PRINCE 

But  he  can't  do  that!  Why,  I  always  must  van 
quish  him! 

PRINCESS 

But  I've  upset  everything!  Goodness  knows  what 
will  happen.  Oh,  dear! 

PRINCE 

This  is  awful!  (He  runs  to  the  furthest  corner  of 
the  garden,  followed  by  the  PRINCESS, 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     145 

(THE  DRAGON  appears,  rushing  through  the 
wood,  bellowing  and  blowing  blue  smoke.  He 
tears,  down  into  the  garden,  howling.  A  small 
boy  leaps  after  him  shouting  and  throwing 
stones. 

DRAGON 

Oh!  Oh!  Stop  him!  He's  killing  me!  (He 
races  around  the  fountain  in  long  snaky  twists,  fol 
lowed  by  the  joyously  shrieking  small  boy.} 

BOY 

(Throwing  stones} 
Ki-yi !     There's  one  on  your  nose ! 

PRINCESS 

(Rushing  out  and  stopping  the  boy  by  force} 
Here,  you.     Don't  you  treat  my  Dragon  like  that! 

BOY 

(Stopping} 

Oh  —  was  it  a  pet  of  yours?  (He  is  a  sturdy  little 
boy  with  short  touseled  brown  hair,  a  round  freckled 
face,  heavy  boots  and  stockings,  corduroy  knicker 
bockers,  and  a  rumpled  brown  shirt.} 

PRINCESS 
It  is.     You  shouldn't  throw  stones  in  Fairy  Land. 

PRINCE 

(Stepping  out  from  behind  the  PRINCES^) 
It's  our  Dragon. 


I46     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCESS 
And  you've  been  treating  it  abominably! 

DRAGON 
(In  a  wail} 

You  said  he  was  soft  —  and  little  —  and  fat !  I 
knew  he  was  vicious!  Why,  he's  made  of  India  rub 
ber  and  has  the  disposition  of  a  wildcat !  I  only  spoke 
to  him,  and  he  was  after  me  like  a  thousand  hawks, 
throwing  stones!  Soft!  Little!  Ooh!  I'll  never 
believe  you  again! 

PRINCESS 
You  got  the  wrong  one,  silly. 

DRAGON 

I  told  you  n>y  eyes  were  weak  —  and  I  puffed  out 
so  much  smoke  nobody  could  tell.  You  said  the 
Prince  was  the  only  boy  would  come  into  the  wood. 
I'm  all  over  cracks  and  bruises!  Ooh! 

PRINCE 
(To  DRAGON) 
What  did  you  let  a  common  trespasser  in  for? 

DRAGON 

I  don't  want  him.  (He  crawls  off,  breathing 
heavily,  and  lies  doum  at  the  far  right.} 

BOY 

Well,  he  said  he  wanted  to  eat  me.  I  met  him  up 
on  the  edge  of  the  wood  there.  And  he  made  faces 
at  me,  and  stuck  out  his  tongue.  Of  course.  (He 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     147 

plunges  his  hands  into  his  pockets.}  No  one  can 
do  that  —  not  even  your  pet  animal.  You  see  that. 
I  had  to  show  him. 

PRINCE 
(Advancing) 
I  vanquish  him  every  day. 

BOY 

(Fanning  himself  with  his  cap) 
Hot  work. 

PRINCE 

It  doesn't  disturb  me  at  all.  I  just  come.  And  he 
lets  me  walk  on  him. 

BOY 

You're  pretty  fond  of  yourself.     Aren't  you? 

PRINCESS 
(To  the  BOY) 
What's  your  name? 

BOY 

Billy.     What's  yours? 

PRINCE 
I  am  the  Prince  in  the  Fairy  Tale. 

BILLY 

I  didn't  ask  you,  curly-locks.  (He  tarns  to  the 
PRINCESS.)  You  seem  to  have  a  lot  of  spunk  for  a 
girl.  And  any  one  with  a  pet  like  that  would  have, 
of  course.  What  is  your  name? 


i48     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCESS 
(Uncertainly} 
I  —  I'm  —  not  quite  sure. 

BILLY 

That's  funny.  (Decidedly.}  Well,  it  ought  to  be 
Margery.  I  know  a  girl  at  home  called  Margery 
who  has  hair  like  yours.  She's  a  very  nice  girl. 

PRINCESS 

I  think  you  are  a  very  nice  boy.  Will  you  stay 
here  with  me? 

PRINCE 
(Pushing  in} 

She's  the  Princess  in  the  Fairy  Tale  of  course,  just 
as  I'm  the  Prince.  And  this  is  our  private  Fairy 
Garden.  How  did  you  get  in,  and  who  are  you,  and 
don't  you  know  you're  trespassing?  You  must  go 
right  away. 

DRAGON 

Yes.  For  heaven's  sake,  don't  keep  that  wild-cat 
in  our  garden. 

PRINCESS 

I  will  keep  him.  I  will.  (She  drags  BILLY  by  the 
hand.}  He  will  stay  and  teach  me  to  throw  stones 
nicely  as  he  does.  What  kingdom  did  you  come  from 
Billy? 

BILLY 

(His  hands  in  his  pockets} 

Why,  I  live  in  the  little  white  house  by  the  Gro 
cery  store  on  Main  street. 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     149 

PRINCE 

Well,  you  don't  belong  here.  How  did  you  get 
here? 

BILLY 

I  was  just  walking  along,  and  I  chased  a  squirrel  up 
to  the  edge  of  the  wood  —  and  then  I  met  this  —  this 
creature  here.  And  there  didn't  seem  anything  for 
me  to  do  but  chase  him  when  he  stuck  out  his  tongue 
I  guess  I  came  pretty  far. 

PRINCE 
You  can  go  back  now. 

PRINCESS 

No.  You're  going  to  stay  here.  I  like  you.  You 
can  be  the  Prince. 

PRINCE 
I  am  the  Prince.     I  am.     I  am. 

PRINCESS 

(Taking  BILLY'S  arm} 

Prove  it  then.  (She  drags  BILLY  away  a  little.} 
Teach  me  how  to  throw  stones.  I  have  a  golden  ball 
to  play  with.  (She  takes  a  golden  ball  out  of  her 
pinafore  pocket.) 

PRINCE 
Wait  till  my  Fairy  Godmother  hears  of  this! 

BILLY 

(Taking  the  ball) 

You  are  a  sissy.  This  is  a  pretty  jolly  ball.  (He 
throws  it  to  the  PRINCESS.) 


150     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCE 

(Almost  weeping  with  rage) 
I'll  call  the  King  and  Queen  —  and  Nurse. 

PRINCESS 
(Running  joyfully  back  and  forth  as  she  and  BILLY 

throw  the  ball) 
Don't  cry  —  and  muss  your  curls ! 

PRINCE 
(Furious) 

Curls  yourself!      (He  throws  himself  on  the  PRIN 
CESS  and  pulls  her  hair  violently.) 

BILLY 

(Pulling  him  away) 
Drop  that! 

PRINCE 

(Still  clutching  the  PRINCESS'  hair  and  kicking) 
I  won't!     I   won't!     I   will   pull  her  hair.     She's 
my  Princess  —  and  a  mean   thing  to  treat  me  so  — 
and  you're  a  big  bully  and  a  donkey.      (He  kicks  out 
madly  at  BILLY.) 

PRINCESS 
Beat  him  up,  Billy!      (She  jumps  up  and  down.) 

PRINCE 

(Falling  on  BILLY) 
Donkey!     Great  ugly  donkey! 

BILLY 
I  can't  stand  that!     Donkey  yourself.      (He  tussles 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     151 

with  the  PRINCE  and  throws  him.)     You  would  call 
me  names! 

(The  PRINCE  lies  sobbing  on  the  grass,  BILLY 

on  top  of  him.) 

PRINCE 
You'll  be  sorry  for  this! 

BILLY 

(Rising  and  dusting  himself) 

You're  not  hurt  really.  I  only  gave  you  a  little 
punch. 

(  The  PRINCE  raises  himself  just  enough  to  pull 
a  little  tin  horn  out  of  his  sasht  and  blow  a 
shrill  penetrating  blast  —  then  throws  himself 
down  again.) 

PRINCESS 
Oh!     Now  he  has  done  it! 

BILLY 
What's  up! 

PRINCESS 

You'll  see.  Look!  (She  points  to  the  left.)  It's 
the  King  and  Queen  in  the  Fairy  Tale.  Of  course 
he  had  to  go  and  call  them! 

(Through  trees  at  the  left  come  slowly  the 
KING  and  QUEEN,  very  gorgeous  in  trailing 
gold  and  ermine  robes.  They  both  wear  high 
spiked  gold  crowns  and  the  KING  carries  a 
massive  gold  scepter.  They  are  followed  by 
two  heralds  in  gold  and  scarlet,  with  long 


152     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

trumpets!  and  then  six  little  Princesses  in  a 
row.  The  Princesses  are  all  of  a  height,  with 
tiny  gold  crowns  on  their  long  light  hair,  and 
white  gowns  reaching  to  their  feet.  They  wear 
wide  blue  sashes,  and  appear  very,  very  young 
indeed.  Last,  comes  THE  OLD  NURSE,  bear 
ing  a  tray  with  tea  and  cakes.) 

THE  QUEEN 

(Rather  peevishly,  as  the  procession  approaches) 
It  does  seem  to  me  that  the  Dragon  was  killed  very 

early  to-day.     And  I  had  reached  such  an  interesting 

chapter  in  my  novel. 

THE  KING 

Never  mind,  my  dear.     It  hardly  ever  takes  more 
than  ten  minutes  to  read  the  award. 

THE  QUEEN 

The  trumpets  always  make  my  head  ache  —  and  the 
cannon  — 

THE  KING 
Maybe  we  can  omit  the  cannon  to-day. 

QUEEN 
Oh,  do. 

PRINCESS 
(Watching  the  procession  as  it  circles  toward  her  in 

a  stately  way) 
They  will  be  vexed,  when  they  find  out. 

BILLY 
What's  up,  especially? 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE      153 

PRINCESS 

Everything.  It's  all  twisted  and  wrong.  You're 
here,  and  the  Prince  is  there,  and  the  Dragon  over 
there.  They  will  be  annoyed. 

BILLY 
Who  are  they  anyhow? 

PRINCESS 

The  King  arfd  Queen  in  the  Fairy  Tale,  of  course. 
And  they  have  the  extra  princesses  with  them,  and 
the  heralds  to  trumpet  for  the  defeat  of  the  Dragon 
and  the  triumph  of  the  Prince  —  and  look  at  him. 
And  they  do  so  hate  to  have  anything  go  wrong! 

BILLY 
But  what  is  it  all  abouf? 

PRINCESS 

This  is  the  end  of  a  Fairy  Tale  day,  of  course.  And 
everything  should  come  out  all  nice  and  smooth,  and 
the  sunset  gun  go  off  to  announce  at  the  same  time 
the  death  for  the  day  of  the  Dragon,  the  freeing  of 
the  Princess,  and  the  triumph  of  the  Prince  —  saving 
gunpowder. 

BILLY 
So  it's  a  Fairy  Tale? 

PRINCESS 

Of  course.  I'm  in  it  —  and  you  —  and  everybody. 
We're  all  a  Fairy  Tale. 


154     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

BILLY 

Not  much   I'm  not.     I   never  did  care  for  Fairy 
Tales. 

PRINCESS 
You're  in  it  now. 

BILLY 

I  guess  I'll  be  going.     I  never  had  much  to  do  with 
kings  and  queens. 

(  BILLY  starts  to  go,  but  the  KING,  QUEEN 
and  the  little  princesses  have  made  a  complete 
semi-circle  around  the  garden,  and  he  brings 
up  short.) 

KING 
(Putting  on  spectacles,  as  he  unrolls  a  scroll  in  his 

hand) 
What's  this? 

PRINCESS 

(Springing  after  BILLY,  and  seizing  his  hand) 
It's  the  new  Prince! 

OLD  NURSE 
(  Waddling  forward  with  the  tray,  and  putting  it  down 

on  the  stool  at  the  right) 
Oh  —  la  —  la.     Something   new. 

PRINCE 

(Rising  with  a  wail) 
He  is  not.     I  am  the  Prince. 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     155 

QUEEN 
(Distastefully) 
What  a  mess  he's  in. 

PRINCE 

(Pointing  at  BILLY) 

It's  all  because  of  him.  He  knocked  me  down. 
He  insulted  me.  He  came  into  the  garden  uninvited 
and  threw  stones.  He's  nothing  but  a  common  boy 
from  outside. 

KING 

Dear.  Dear.  This  is  very  tiresome.  Where's  th\e 
Dragon  ? 

DRAGON 

(Rolling  himself  up  painfully) 
Here. 

KING 
You  seem  very  decently  beaten  up. 

DRAGON 
I  am. 

PRINCESS 
And  Billy  did  it.     He  should  be  the  Prince. 

PRINCE 

Yes.  He  came  into  our  garden  and  threw  stones 
at  our  Dragon.  Throw  him  out ! 

QUEEN 

(Taking  out  a  book  from  a  pocket  in  her  dress) 
Why  have  so  much  argument? 


156    PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCESS 
I  will  keep  Billy. 

PRINCE 

But  he  insulted  me,  and  he  is  only  a  common  boy, 
and  lives  next  to  a  grocer! 

PRINCESS 

And  he  beat  you  up,  too.     That  shows  he's  a  better 
Prince  than  you. 

PRINCE 
But  I  am  the  Prince! 

KING 
Dear.     Dear.     This  is  very  unusual. 

QUEEN 

(Looking  up  from  her  book) 

I  don't  see  why  it's  unusual.     It's  only  in  another 

form.     Somebody  vanquished  the  Dragon  —  and  at  the 

same  time,  the  competing  Prince.     Therefore  —  that 

somebody  is  the  real  Prince.     In  disguise,  no  doubt. 

(She  returns  to  her  book) 

KING 

(Doubtfully) 
Do  you  think  so,  my  love? 

QUEEN 
Certainly. 

PRINCESS 

(Jumping  up  and  down  with  joy) 
Of  course!     Of  course! 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     157 

KING 

Very  well  then.  Sound  the  trumpets.  (The  her 
alds  lift  their  horns.) 

PRINCE 

But  what  about  me?  I  am  left!  Wait  till  my 
fairy  Godmother  hears! 

KING 

Dear.  Dear.  This  is  very  upsetting.  No  one 
should  be  left. 

QUEEN 

(Dropping  her  book  to  look  at  the  PRINCE) 
He  can  have  one  of  the  other  Princesses.     They 
look  about  his  height. 

KING 

(Doubtfully) 
But  I  don't  like  spoiling  the  set  — 

QUEEN 

One  is  sure  to  be  snatched  by  an  Ogre  or  fall  into 
the  river  sooner  or  later.  She  might  just  as  well  go 
with  this  Prince.  The  Fairy  Tale  must  be  completed. 
My  dear —  (She  turns  to  one  of  the  little  Princesses.) 
Here  is  a  Prince  for  you.  Curtsey  when  you're 
spoken  to  —  and  mind  you  are  good  to  him  and  keep 
him  dusted.  He  seems  to  be  bent  on  making  a  mess 
of  himself.  (She  returns  to  her  book.) 

( The  little  PRINCESS  steps  out,  looking  shyly  at 
the  PRINCE.) 


158     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCE 
I  don't  want  her.     She's  a  baby. 

KING 
(Testily) 

Well  —  you'll  have  to  take  her.  You  couldn't  keep 
the  other.  Sound  the  trumpets. 

QUEEN 

She's  very  nice  tempered  —  and  had  all  the  proper 
gifts  at  christening.  A  little  attention  and  society 
will  do  wonders  for  her. 

KING 

Let  the  cannon  boom  as  the  sun  sets.  (The  her 
alds  sound  a  blast,  and  it  is  followed  by  a  distant 
boom  of  cannon.) 

QUEEN 

That's  enough.  (The  heralds  put  down  their 
horns.) 

KING 
(Adjusting   his   spectacles,   and   reading   very    rapidly 

from  the  roll  in  his  hand) 

The  Dragon  is  vanquished.  The  King  and  Queen 
rejoice.  The  trumpets  sound.  (The  heralds  sound 
their  horns.)  And  the  cannon  — 

QUEEN 
Not  again. 

KING 

Have  boomed.  And  the  Prince —  What  is  your 
name,  young  man? 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     159 

BILLY 
Billy  Travers. 

KING 

And  the  Prince  Billy  Travers  —  and  the  Fairy 
Princess  — 

PRINCESS 
Margery.     I  want  to  be  called  Margery. 

KING 

And  the  Princess  Margery  lived  happily  ever  after 
—  to  the  tune  of  dancing  and  feasting.  (He  rolls  up 
the  paper.  The  heralds  sound  a  blast.)  Let  there  be 
dancing  and  feasting.  (The  heralds  produce  lutes 
that  were  slung  over  their  shoulders  and  play  a  gay 
tinkling  tune.} 

DRAGON 

(Rolling  up  to  THE  OLD  NURSE,  who  is  standing  by 
the  tea  tray) 

Did  you  bring  out  plenty  of  comfits? 

NURSE 

(Slapping  him  on  the  snout) 
Not  for  you,  I  didn't. 

KING 

(Bowing  to  QUEEN) 
May  I  have  the  honor,  my  love? 

QUEEN 

(Taking  his  hand) 

Mind  you  don't  step  on  my  train.  (She  picks  this 
up  over  her  arm  and  she  and  the  KING  dance.) 


160     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCESS 

(Seizing  BILLY'S  hands) 
You  dance  with  me.     (They  whirl  around.) 

DRAGON 

(Bowing  to  the  NURSE) 
Allow  me,  Madam. 

NURSE 

(Taking  his  claw  and  dancing  sedately) 
Remember  my  age. 

DRAGON 

And  my  joints.     (BILLY  and  the   PRINCESS  join 
them,  making  a  square.) 

PRINCE 

(To  the  LITTLE  PRINCESS) 
Do  you  dance? 

LITTLE  PRINCESS 

Yeth,    pleath.      (They    dance   with    the   KING  and 
QUEEN,  making  another  four.) 

(The  heralds  stand  at  the  back,  and  the  other 
little  Princesses  dance  around  the  fountain.) 

PRINCE 

You're  not  a  hoyden.     Are  you?     I  think   I   like 
you  best  anyway. 

LITTLE  PRINCESS 
Yeth,  pleath, 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     161 

QUEEN 
(Stopping} 

There.  That's  enough.  My  crown  is  almost 
awry,  and  we  must  get  to  supper  before  the  peacock 
pies  are  burnt.  I  faint  with  hunger. 

KING 

Sound  the  trumpets.  (The  heralds  sound  the 
horns,  and  turn  to  go  out,  followed  by  the  Little 
Princesses.) 

PRINCE 

(Taking  the  hand  of  his  PRINCESS) 
We'll  sit  together  at  supper;  you  can  save  me  your 
owls'  tongues  if  you  don't  happen  to  care  for  them. 

PRINCESS 
Yeth.     Pleath.      (They  turn  and  go  out.) 

BILLY 
But- 

DRAGON 
I  don't  half  like  this  — 

QUEEN 
No  one  ever  has  anything  to  say  after  the  end. 

KING 

Good-night,  my  love.  Nurse,  see  that  she  goes  to 
bed  particularly  early  after  all  this  unusual  excite 
ment.  The  new  Prince  may  stay  to  tea  with  her 
as  a  special  treat.  (The  procession  moves  slowly 


162     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCESS 

(Jumping  up  and  down) 

Oh,  goody!  And  it  does  serve  that  little  sissy  right 
to  get  one  of  my  sisters.  They  are  such  babies  —  and 
have  never  said  anything  but  yes  —  or  no  —  yet ! 

(The  procession  winds  out  of  sight.     The  twi 
light  deepens  in  the  garden.) 

DRAGON 

(Curling  himself  up  painfully) 
This  is  beastly  rough  on  me —     This  is.     I  don't 
like  my  new  boxing  partner  one  bit.      (He  rolls  his 
eyes  at  BILLY.)     We'll  have  to  get  in  a  little  practice 
on  the  side,  and  I'll  show  you  the  right  spots. 

BILLY 

Oh  —  I  won't  bother  you  any  more.  If  —  you're 
polite. 

PRINCESS 

You'll  have  to.  Every  afternoon  —  and  some 
times  in  the  .morning.  But  then  we  can  play  with  the 
Golden  Ball  between  times.  It  will  be  fun. 

BILLY 


BILLY 
But  I  can't  stay  here,  you  know. 


PRINCESS 
(Running  to  the  tea  tray,  and  dragging  it  stool 

and  all  into   the  foreground) 

Oh,  yes  —  you  must.     You  will  stay  here  forever 
and  ever  —  and  we  will  play  with  the  golden  ball  — 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     163 

and  maybe  we'll  be  allowed  to  see  the  fairies  dance  — 
if  they  ever  do  it  before  sunset. 

BILLY 
Excuse  me,  but  I'd  rather  not. 

PRINCESS 
Why,  what  do  you  mean? 

BILLY 
I'm  —  I'm  not  particularly  used  to  fairies  and  such. 

PRINCESS 
Oh,  I'll  tell  you  all  about  it  —  while  we  have  tea. 

BILLY 
I  don't  think  I  can  stay  for  that. 


BILLY 

Well  —  it  must  be  about  supper  time  home  —  and 
mother'll  be  expecting  me.  We're  to  have  hot  cakes. 
Not  but  what  you've  been  a  very  jolly  little  pal  — 
and  I  thank  you  and  all  that. 

PRINCESS 
But  he  can't  go  —     Can  he,  Nurse? 

NURSE 

(Who  stands,  solemnly  against  the  dark  cedar} 
The  way  out  of  Fairy  Land  is  always  open. 


1 64     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

BILLY 

Yes  —  that's  it.  I  couldn't  live  in  a  Fairy  Tale,  you 
know.  Now  could  I  ?  (He  approaches  the  PRINCESS, 
who  looks  about  to  cry.)  I  don't  look  as  if  I  would 
go  into  a  Fairy  Tale  —  now  do  I  ? 

PRINCESS 
(Gulping) 

I  think  you  are  per-perfectly  lovely.  And  I  would 
love  to  have  you  for  a  Prince.  But  you  don't  like 
me! 

BILLY 

I  do.  I  think  you  are  a  very  jolly  —  really  corking 
Princess  —  and  just  as  spunky  as  if  you  weren't  in  a 
silly  Fairy  Tale  at  all  — 

PRINCESS 
(Brightening) 
Oh  —  do  you? 

BILLY 
Of  course  I  do. 

PRINCESS 

Perhaps  —  we'll  see  each  other  again  someday. 
Outside,  maybe.  I  don't  intend  to  always  live  in  a 
Fairy  Tale  when  I  grow  up. 

BILLY 

Perhaps  we  will.  Fairy  Tales  aren't  much. 
Good-by,  Princess.  (He  holds  out  his  hand.) 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     165 

PRINCESS 
Margery  — 

BILLY 
Good-by,  Margery.     (They  shake  hands.) 

PRINCESS 
Good-by. 

(  BILLY  turns  towards  the  wood.     The  PRIN 
CESS  follows  him  to  the  edge.) 

BILLY 

( Turning  at  the  edge  of  the  wood) 
Good-by. 

PRINCESS 
Wait  for  me  —  when  you  get  outside! 

BILLY 

You  bet  I  will.  Good-by.  (He  disappears  among 
the  trees.) 

PRINCESS 

Good-by!  (She  waves  —  until  he  is  out  of  sight. 
Then,  with  a  little  sob,  she  breaks  down.)  And  I 
haven't  any  Prince  or  anything! 

DRAGON 

(Uncoiling  himself) 

There  are  always  plenty  of  Fairy  Tale  Princes. 
But  I  dare  say  you'll  run  away  to  this  one  just  the 
same —  Violent  tempered  creature.  You  never  can 
tell  what  will  please  a  woman. 


166     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

PRINCESS 

(Cheering  up,  and  coming  towards  him) 
I  will.     I  will. 

NURSE 

Eat  your  tea  now.     There's  a  good  girl.     Or  the 
owls  and  the  pixies  will  get  it  —  it's  that  late. 

(She  moves  off,  and  disappears  in  the  gather 
ing  darkness,  right.  A  big  yellow  moon  rises 
slowly  behind  the  wood.  The  weird  mists  and 
interlacing  tree  branches  and  trunks  are  pricked 
out  with  light.  The  fountain  glitters  very 
bright  in  a  shaft  of  moonlight,  that  falls  on 
THE  DRAGON,  and  gleams  on  the  hair  of  the 
PRINCESS.) 

DRAGON 
And  what  about  me  ?    Where's  my  tea  ? 

PRINCESS 
You  didn't  do  the  right  thing  at  all. 

DRAGON 

But  I  did  the  best  I  could.     Don't  I  get  any  com 
fits?    You  promised  them  all  to  me. 

PRINCESS 

We  will  divide  them.     (She  and  THE  DRAGON  sit 
down  to  tea.) 

(From  the  left,  THE  OLD  NURSE  is  heard 
singing  softly.) 

"  A  brownie  stealeth  from  the  vine, 


PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE     167 

Singing,  '  Heigho,  my  dearie, 
And  will  you  hear  this  song  of  mine  — 
A  song  of  the  land  of  murk  and  mist 
Where  bideth  the  bud  the  dew  hath  kissed? 
Then  let  the  moonbeams'  web  of  light 
Be  spun  before  thee  silvery  white, 
And  I  shall  sing  the  livelong  night  — 
Heigho  —  my  dearie ! ' 

[CURTAIN] 


1 68     PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

FOR  OUTDOOR  PRODUCTION  OF  THE 
PRINCESS  IN  THE  FAIRY  TALE 

Any  garden,  or  any  woodland,  can  of  course  be  used 
for  this  play.  The  setting  given  is  only  a  suggestion, 
and  naturally  could  not  be  achieved  in  anything  but 
an  indoor  production. 

For  an  outdoor  garden  production,  the  initial  en 
trance  of  the  Princess,  the  Nurse  and  the  Dragon, 
could  be  made  in  a  sort  of  little  procession  through 
the  garden.  The  Princess  first,  sewing  as  she  walks, 
the  Nurse  following,  singing  softly,  and  the  Dragon 
trailing  grumpily  some  distance  behind.  They  could 
take  their  places,  the  Nurse  and  the  Princess  on  their 
little  stools,  and  the  Dragon  sleeping  by  the  fountain 
and  the  play  start  just  as  it  is  given. 

For  a  final  exit,  the  Princess  and  the  Dragon  could 
walk  off  hand  in  hand,  the  Princess  holding  the  tea 
tray,  and  the  Dragon  eating  a  cake  as  he  walks. 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

SCENE.     A  garden. 

TIME.     A   summer  afternoon. 


CHARACTERS 

People  of  Mother  Goose  Inn 
MOTHER  GOOSE. 
MOTHER  HUBBARD. 
SIMPLE  SIMON. 

MARY,  MARY,  QUITE  CONTRARY. 
LITTLE  TOMMY  TUCKER. 

Wayfarers 
THE  TROUBADOUR. 
THE  TROUBADOUR'S  LADY. 
CAPTAIN  ADVENTURE. 
HERO. 
VICTORIA. 
H.   JAMES. 

AlNSLEE    McCLURE. 


MOTHER   GOOSE   GARDEN 

r  I  jHE  scene  is  a  garden  with  a  fountain  in  the 
I  center.  The  grass  is  very  green,  and  the  ring 
"^  of  flowers  around  the  fountain  pool  bright 
with  color.  Behind  the  garden  is  a  woodland,  and  a 
little  white  gate  leads  into  it  from  the  garden.  A 
wooden  sign  painted  in  gay  colors,  swings  on  a  post 
by  the  gate.  The  sign  depicts  a  white  goose,  with  a 
high  peaked  black  hat,  against  a  scarlet  background. 
Beneath  it  is  printed  in  clear  white  letters. 
MOTHER  GOOSE  INN.  WELCOME.  A  bell 
and  a  rope  hang  under  this.  There  is  a  little  painted 
table  in  the  garden,  some  painted  chairs,  and  a  prim 
little  bench  under  a  cedar  tree. 

MARY  comes  through  the  little  green  arbor  at  the 
left  into  the  garden,  bearing  a  watering  pot,  and  be 
gins  to  sprinkle  the  flower  beds,  humming.  She  is  a 
trim  little  person  in  a  flowered  dress,  and  frilly  white 
mop  cap.  The  head  of  an  old  lady  in  a  white  cap 
tied  with  long  strings  appears  around  the  corner  of  the 
arbor,  and  SIMON  comes  out  of  the  arbor  quickly. 
SIMON  is  very  tall  and  lanky,  dressed  in  tight  shabby 
brown,  twirls  his  cap  in  his  fingers,  toes  in,  and  wears 
his  thin  fair  hair  long. 


171 


172          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

OLD  LADY 

(Calling  after   SIMON) 

Now  mind  you  bring  plenty  of  Pies,  Simple  Simon. 
The  larder  is  quite  bare  of  them. 

SIMON 

(With  a  flourish) 

"  Pat-a-cake  —  Pat-a-cake  Bakers'  man,  Bake  me  a 
cake  as  fast  as  you  can.  Pat  it,  and  prick  it,  and 
mark  it  with  T,  And  there  will  be  enough  — " 

OLD  LADY 

"  Jack  be  nimble  Jack  be  quick,  Jack  jump  over  the 
candlestick !  "  Go  along  with  you  —  and  don't  stop  to 
listen  to  Tom  the  Piper's  son  —  on  the  way. 

SIMON 

I'll  fly  —  Mother  Hubbard.  "Handy  spandy 
Jack  a  Dandy  —  Loves  plum  cake  and  sugar  candy. 
He  bought  some  at  a  baker's  shop,  And  out  he  came  — 
Hop-hop-hop!  "  (He  emphasizes  this  with  great  hops 
of  his  long  legs.  The  OLD  LADY  draws  in  her  head. 
SIMON  skips  over  the  grass,  singing.)  "  Mary,  Mary, 
Quite  Contrary,  How  does  your  garden  grow?  With 
silver  bells  and  cockle  shells,  And  Pretty  Maids  all  in 
a  row!  "  (He  chucks  MARY  under  the  chin.) 

MARY 

(Giving  him  a  push) 

You  are  a  Simple  Simon.  How  Mother  Goose  can 
ever  run  her  Inn  with  you  doing  her  errands  —  is  a 
riddle  to  me! 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          173 

SIMON 

"  Riddle-me,  riddle  me,  riddle  me  ree  — "  Mother 
Goose  is  a  wise  old  lady.  She  knows  the  value  of 
Simples,  like  Simple  Simon,  and  keeps  them  busy. 
(He  nods  his  head.) 

MARY 

Busy  enough.  (She  waters  the  flowers  diligently.) 
Those  who  work  in  Mother  Goose  Inn  find  plenty 
to  do.  What  with  Old  King  Cole  calling  for  every 
thing  all  at  once,  and  Jack  and  Jill  having  to  be 
patched  up  every  minute  —  and  all  the  children  of  the 
Old  Woman  who  Lives  in  a  Shoe  to  be  fed  hot  broth 
—  there  never  was  such  a  busy  Inn  as  Mother  Goose 
Inn. 

( Two  languishing  Italian  figures  come  slowly 
through  the  wood,  and  stop,  looking  up  at  the 
sign.  The  slim  young  man  has  his  arm  around 
the  girl,  and  she  is  enveloped  in  a  torn  purple 
and  scarlet  cloak,  which  hides  all  but  her  bare 
feet  in  broken  sandals,  and  a  rough  plait  of 
reddish  hair.  The  man  has  a  gipsy  face  with 
long  dark  curls.  His  clothes  are  dirty  and 
torn,  but  of  lovely  old  reds  and  blues,  and 
worn  with  grace.  He  carries  a  broken  lute 
over  one  shoulder.  They  both  limp  a  little, 
and  are  plainly  exhausted.) 

YOUTH 
(Leaning  over  the  gate,  and  speaking  in  a  sonorous 

voice) 
Hail  —  happy  folk  within  a  garden, 


174          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

SIMON 
Customers,  Mary. 

MARY 

(Turning  quickly) 

Good-day,  pretty  Sir,  Good-day,  pretty  Lady.  (She 
drops  a  curtsy.) 

YOUTH 

Hast  thou  seen,  maiden,  a  fountain  in  this  green 
wood  —  a  fountain  springing  all  purpled  from  the 
earth,  purpled  and  filled  with  crimson  lights  of  love, 
and  gushing  up  till  it  licks  the  stars  —  like  a  great 
flame? 

SIMON 

(Who  has  listened,  enthralled) 
Indeed  sir,  and  how  can  a  fountain  which  is  water, 
be  a  flame,  which  is  fire? 

YOUTH 

(Turning  melancholy  eyes  on  SIMON) 
I  see  that  you  have  not  drunk  of  it,  for  you  do  not 
understand    poetry.     He    who    drinks    that    fountain 
shall  live  forever  bathed  in  the  golden  light  of  poetry 
which  is  the  quicksilver  of  the  fountain. 

SIMON 
Did  you  say  gold,  Sir,  or  silver? 

YOUTH 
(Rapturously) 
Gold  and  silver  —  and  thousands  of  great  purple 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          175 

stars!     Have  you  seen  such  a  fountain,  or  know  of 
any  one  to  direct  us? 

SIMON 

There  is  the  Pieman.  He  goes  to  every  house  — 
for  every  man  must  eat. 

THE  LADY 

(From  the  shoulder  of  the  YOUTH) 
Alas,  Alas.     They  know  not  of  the  fountain. 

YOUTH 

The  world  is  full  of  commonplace  and  gluttony 
while  we  fast  by  the  wayside. 

MARY 

I  don't  know  of  any  fountain  —  such  as  you  de 
scribe  —  but  I  can  give  you  a  drink  of  water.  And 
something  to  eat.  Mother  Goose  Inn  always  satisfies 
its  customers. 

YOUTH 

(Leading  the  LADY  in  through  the  gate} 
Not     water.     Wine.     Scarlet     wine.     Hot     with 
spices.      (He  and  his  LADY  sit  limply   on  the  bench 
under  the  cedar  tree.}      Spices  to  revive  the  soul  of 
the  Troubadour  —  and  his  Lady. 

MARY 

(Uncertainly} 
We  have  ale  — for  Old  King  Cole  — 


176         MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

YOUTH 

(Waving  a  long  han.d) 

Anything  —  Anything  —  that  sparkles  and  has 
color.  (MARY  hurries  off  through  the  arbor.)  The 
world  is  very  evil  and  dark  and  the  thorns  are  sharp. 
No  one  heeds  us.  We  must  drink  from  what  cup  we 
can,  to  wet  our  parched  lips. 

SIMON 

(Approaching  with  a  wave  of  his  cap  at  the  fountain) 
That  water  there  is  very  wet,  Sir.     Jack  and  Jill 
once  spilled  a  whole  pail  full,  and  Polly  Flinders  built 
a  fire  to  dry  them  — 

YOUTH 

Peace  —  gangling  fool.  (He  slings  his  broken 
lute  from  his  shoulders.)  Hark,  I  will  sing  to  my  be 
loved,  of  the  Fountain  we  seek. 

(SIMPLE   SIMON  sits  down   cross  legged,  and 
watches  them,  open  mouthed..  .The  LADY  sighs, 
and  throws  back  the  hood  of  her  cloak,  reveal 
ing  a  wan  white  face  between  the  red  braids. 
The  TROUBADOUR  sings  to  the  lute  with  great 
difficulty    because   half   the  strings  are  gone.) 
Fountain  —  Fountain  —  which  springs  from  the  earth 
to  make  all  men  young  —  fountain,  silver  fountain  — 
which  quenches  all  fires  —  as  it  lights  them  — 

SIMON 
That  is  not  possible. 

YOUTH 
Silver  —  silver  fountain —     Giver  of  Eternal  Life 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          177 

—  Let   the  Troubadour  find   in  your  silver  —  silver 
for  his  pocket  —  silver   for  his  soul  —  silver  for  his 
crown  —  lest  the  world  forget  him  and  he  dies  — 

LADY 
Alas  —    Alas. 

YOUTH 

Lest  the  world  forget  him  —  (A  string  of  the  lute 
snaps.  He  stops  and  glares  at  SIMON  vjho  has 
scrambled  to  his  feet.)  How  dare  you  interrupt! 

SIMON 

I  thought  you  were  finished,  Sir  —  when  you  said 
"  He  dies." 

TROUBADOUR 

(With  a  melodramatic  spring  to  his  feet) 
Yes.     I  die.     I  die.     The  Troubadour  of  all  Ro 
mances —  the    wanderer     through     Golden     Italy  — 
France  of  the  Lilies,  and  England  of  Arthur's  Knights 

—  I  perish.     My  lute  is  broken.     No  one  will  listen 
to  my  songs.      (He  sinks  down  and  buries  his  face  in 
his  hands.) 

LADY 
No.     No.     Beloved.     We   will   find    the   fountain 

—  and  drink  of  eternal  life.     Others  have  found  it. 
Why  not  the  Troubadour? 

TROUBADOUR 
(His  face  still  buried) 

What  is  wrong  with  my  songs  that  they  go  un 
heeded  ?  Why  cannot  I  sing  —  and  the  water  spring 


178          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

from  the  earth  like  a  living  flame  in  answer  to  my 
voice  ? 

SIMON 

(Standing  before  them  —  troubled  —  twisting   his 
cap) 

It  seems  to  me,  Sir  —  that  your  song  has  too  much 
of  refrain  in  it  —  and  too  little  matter.  Perhaps  peo 
ple  would  like  it  more  if  it  had  more  matter  —  for 
instance —  (He  starts  to  sing.) — "Mary  Had  a 
Little  Lamb.  Its  fleece  was  white  as  snow.  And 
everywhere  that  Mary  went — "  (The  TROUBADOUR 
springs  wildly  to  his  feet.  SIMON  retreats  a  step,  but 
still  regards  him  with  a  deprecatory  smile.)  Now 
there's  a  neat  littk  song. 

TROUBADOUR 

(In  a  husky  voice,  feeling  for  the  dagger  at  his  belt) 
I  will  not  stay  to  be  insulted.     You  shall  not  live 
to  do  it.     My  ancestors  were  of  Boccaccio  —  Villon 
—  Angelotti —  (He  raises  his  dagger — ) 

(During  this  last  speech,  a  burly  figure  has 
pushed  its  way  through  the  gate  into  the  gar 
den.  He  is  evidently  a  Sea  Captain  from  his 
great  boots,  and  weather  beaten  face  framed 
with  brass  earrings..  .He  wears,  however,  a 
huge  shabby  velvet  hat,  with  many  draggled 
plumes,  awry  over  the  red  kerchief  binding 
his  head.  His  suit  is  of  dark,  stained  and  dirty 
velvet,  with  a  great  red  sash  full  of  pistols  and 
cutlasses.  He  advances  with  a  swaggering 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          179 

stride,    and   seizes    the    uplifted    hand    of    the 
TROUBADOUR.) 

ADVENTURE 

Odd's  blood —  What's  this?  No  murder  here  — 
and  Captain  Adventure  on  the  deck!  (He  wrenches 
the  dagger  away.  THE  TROUBADOUR  shrinks  back. 
THE  CAPTAIN  wipes  the  dagger  with  a  bright  red  and 
yellow  handkerchief  and  sticks  it  in  his  belt.}  A 
pretty  toy.  (MARY  has  come  out  with  a  tray  con 
taining  a  pitcher,  and  two  goblets.  THE  CAPTAIN 
seizes  the  pitcher  as  she  comes  up  to  him.}  Yo  — 
ho.  Rum!  (He  drains  the  pitcher.  THE  TROU 
BADOUR  and  his  LADY  shrink  together.} 

TROUBADOUR 
Ruffian! 

LADY 
(Clinging} 

Beloved.  Touch  him  not.  We  would  live  to 
drink  of  the  fountain. 

ADVENTURE 
(Setting  the  pitcher  back  on  the  tray  with  a  bang,  and 

wiping  his  long  mustache} 

A  mild  drink.  But  bring  more.  I'll  pay  in  doub 
loons.  Never  say  —  Adventure  is  a  thief!  (He 
swings  himself  down  into  a  wooden  chair,  his  legs 
stretched  straight  out  in  front  of  him.  MARY  goes 
out  again  with  the  tray.} 


i8o          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

SIMON 
(Nervously) 

But  the  wine  belonged  to  the  other  gentleman.  The 
one  with  the  dagger  —  you  know. 

ADVENTURE 
( Contemptuously  ) 

Such  sucklings  should  have  neither  weapons  nor 
drink. 

LADY 
(Caressingly  to  the  TROUBADOUR.     They  have  sunk 

down  on  the  bench) 

Heed  him  not,  beloved.  One  can  see  he  is  only  a 
tramp  —  an  outcast  from  the  world  whose  words  and 
deeds  are  not  hearkened  to.  He  will  never  reach  the 
fountain.  (She  leans  against  the  TROUBADOUR'S 
shoulder.  He  whispers  in  her  ear,  and  picks  on  his 
lute.) 

ADVENTURE 
(Fishing  a  couple  of  gold  coins  out  of  his  pocket  and 

carelessly  tossing  them  up  in  the  air) 
Tell  me  —  young  cockerel  —  hast  seen  a  fresh  water 
spring  hereabouts?  In  a  cave  it  would  like  to  be, 
or  in  the  heart  of  a  volcano.  Very  like  it  is  guarded 
by  a  ruffianly  band  of  smugglers  —  those  whos'  cap 
tain  has  a  black  patch  over  one  eye.  But  Adventure 
will  throttle  them.  S'Death  I  will  throw  them  all 
single  handed  —  and  when  securely  bound,  make  them 
walk  the  plank  into  the  cold  sea  —  for  the  sharks. 
Ha— Ha! 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN  181 

SIMON 

(Who  has  been  listening  breathlessly) 
From  the  volcano  —  sir? 

ADVENTURE 

What  is  a  volcano  more  or  less  to  Adventure? 
{He  seizes  the  jug  again  from  the  tray  of 
MARY  who  has  just  returned.  She  takes  it 
from  him,  just  as  he  is  about  to  drink  from  it, 
pours  out  a  glass  for  him,  and  turns  towards 
THE  TROUBADOUR.) 

ADVENTURE 

A  sly  wench  that  —  and  neat.  (He  takes  her  wrist 
as  she  turns.)  Wench  —  have  those  bright  eyes  — 
seen  a  little  clear  water  freshet  hereabouts —  It 
would  belike  be  on  a  sandy  shore  near  a  spot  of  buried 
treasure  —  where  no  foot  of  man  had  ever  trod  be 
fore. 

SIMON 
Who  was  it  you  say  buried  the  treasure  —  Sir? 

ADVENTURE 

Answer  —  or  know  the  weight  of  Adventure's 
wrath.  Hast  thou  a  .map  with  a  cross  at  such  a 
Spring? 

MARY 

No,  Sir.  There  is  only  the  well  that  Jack  and 
Jill  draw  water  from  every  morning  — 

ADVENTURE 
Foiled!     Foiled    again!     That    Adventure    should 


& 


1 82  MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

come  to  such  a  pass,  that  he  should  look  for  a  little 
Spring  of  fresh  water  —  wandering  on  the  highroads 
looking  for  fresh  water  —  when  the  breath  of  his  life 
is  the  salt  wave  —  the  salt  spray  —  the  salt  wind  — 
(There  is  a  jangle  of  the  bell  under  the  sign, 
and  MARY,  who  has  been  helping  THE  TROU 
BADOUR   to    wine,   hurries   towards   it.) 
But  I  tell  you  —  varlet  — 

(He  glares  at  SIMON,  who  stands,  fascinated, 
his  toes  turning  in  and  his  mouth  open.} 
If  I  do  not  find  that  Spring  I  shall  soon  die  —  strang 
ulate  —  perish  —  Captain  Adventure  will  rot  as  the 
beasts  that  perish  in  the  desert  islands.  I  who  have 
sailed  the  salt  wave  — 

(MARY  comes  forward,  supporting  an  almost 
fainting  lady,  in  full  white  skirts  and  a  blue 
ribboned  scoop  bonnet  that  completely  hides  her 
face.  A  reticule  dangles  limply  from  her  inert 
black-mitted  hand.  A  dapper  gentleman,  his 
fawn  color  trousers,  and  tight  lavender  coat, 
much  the  worse  for  travel  and  frayed  at  the 
edges,  follows  anxiously.  He  carries  a  huge 
beaver  hat  of  fuzzy  fawn  color  in  one  hand, 
and  a  neat  little  carpet  bag  in  the  other.  His 
light  curls  are  very  beautiful,  and  his  frills 
once,  no  doubt,  impressive.) 

THE  LADY 
(In  a  faint  murmur) 

Salt  —  yes  —  salts  —  where  are  my  salts  —  I  must 
have  them. 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          183 

(MARY  sits  her  in  a  chair  and  produces  a  bot 
tle  of  salts  from  THE  LADY'S  reticule.  The 
GENTLEMAN  leans  over  the  back  of  the  chair 
and  solicitously  gives  THE  LADY  her  salts.) 

GENTLEMAN 

My  dearest  Victoria.  I  indeed  grieve  that  the  road 
has  fatigued  you.  (He  turns  to  MARY.)  My  good 
girl.  Could  you  perhaps  find  in  this  excellent  and 
worthy  Inn  some  sustenance  for  this  lady?  She  is 
faint. 

SIMON 

We  have  good  Jack  Horner  Pies  for  the  hungry. 
And  Queen  of  Heart's  Tarts  too  — 

VICTORIA 

(Feebly,  brushing  away  the  suggestion} 
I  am  not  hungry  at  all.     I  am  never  hungry.    Some 
times  I  take  a  little  berry  or  a  bit  of  lettuce  leaf  — 
merely  for  appearances. 

ADVENTURE 

(In  a  jovial  roar — holding  out  a  goblet  of  ale} 
Rum.     That's  what  you  need,  m'am.     Rum. 

VICTORIA 
(Collapsing} 

Oh  —  the  great  rough  —  man.  My  dearest  Hero, 
is  there  not  some  way  of  avoiding  all  this  dreadful 
publicity?  Is  there  not  some  quiet  modest  little  cor 
ner  where  the  roses  grow,  that  we  can  retire  to  in 
peace?  We,  who  have  but  so  lately  started  on  our 


1 84          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

life's  journey — if  indeed —  (She  produces  a  hand 
kerchief  and  delicately  touches  her  eyes}  we  finish  it 
together  ? 

HERO 

Can  you  not  see,  Sir,  that  there  is  a  lady  present, 
and  she  of  delicate  mold  —  and  fainting? 

MARY 

Let  me  get  her  some  curds  and  whey  now.  It's  very 
nourishing,  and  delicate  too.  And  some  Curly-Locks 
strawberries  with  sugar  and  cream.  (She  turns  to  go 
off.) 

HERO 

Bring  me  some  black-bird  pie.  And  here's  sixpence 
for  yourself,  my  good  girl.  (MARY  curtseys  and  goes 
out  through  the  arbor.} 

VICTORIA 
(Faintly} 
I  thirst.     Let  me  lean  against  your  arm,  Hero. 

TROUBADOUR'S  LADY 
(Leaning  over  gently  offering  her  a  cup} 
Will  you   have  some   of   my  wine  —  lady?     It   is 
sweet  to  the  taste,  and  refreshing  as  warm  new  milk 
and  Saints'  tears. 

VICTORIA 
(Shrinking  away} 

No,  thank  you.  (She  turns  her  bonnet  up  to  HERO.) 
My  dearest  Hero,  do  you  think  this  garden  is  quite 
proper?  I  don't  think  I  quite  approve  of  the  way  they 
speak. 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN  185 

HERO 

My  dearest  Victoria,  it  is  all  very  distressing.  But 
we  will  soon  find  the  fountain  and  our  troubles  in  life 
will  be  past. 

VICTORIA 

(Resorting  to  her  handkerchief} 
Oh,  my  dearest  Hero  —  if  we  do  not  find  the  foun 
tain  we  shall  perish!     We  are  already  shabby  with 
hardly  enough  money  for  our  tombstones.     It  is  hardly 
genteel!     And  we  on  our  honeymoon! 

TROUBADOUR 
(Embracing  his  LADY) 

We  too  are  lovers.  We  live  on  the  red  fruits  of 
love. 

VICTORIA 
(With  a  gasp} 

Hero —  I  am  sure  they  are  not  proper!  Let  us 
leave!  (She  arranges  her  bonnet  and  reticule.} 

MARY 

But  madam,  Polly  has  not  even  put  the  kettle  on 
yet.  There's  nothing  like  a  good  hot  dish  to  bring 
folks  together  —  Why,  Jack  Sprat  and  his  wife  only 
got  together  over  their  dinners  — 

VICTORIA 

So  material.  So  middle  class.  Hero,  dearest,  ask 
her  the  way.  I  am  so  helpless  in  asking  directions. 

SIMON 
Like  the  three  blind  mice  — 


186          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

VICTORIA 

(With  a  little  shriek) 

Ooh!  (She  clings  to  HERO,  nervously  pulling  him 
away. ) 

HERO 

My  excellent  maid,  can  you  tell  me  if  there  is  a 
palace  in  this  wood? 

MARY 

(Arranging  the  table) 

There  is  the  Sleeping  Beauty  Palace,  Sir  —  but  the 
way  is  thorny. 

TROUBADOUR 

(Soulfully  in  an  undertone  to  his  lute) 
The  thorns   may   circle  our  path   but   their  points 
will  but  show  us  our  way  pricked   in  red  drops  of 
blood  — 

SIMON 
(Edging  up) 

I  know  a  song  something  like  that —  "  There  was 
a  man  in  our  town,  and  he  was  wondrous  wise.  He 
jumped  into  'a  bramble  bush  and  scratched  out  both 
his  eyes  —  But  when  he  saw  his  eyes  were  out  — 
With  all  his  might  and  main —  He  jumped  into 
another  bush  —  And  scratched  them  in  again." 

TROUBADOUR 

Peace,  bleating  fool.  We  speak  of  poetry  —  and 
song  — 

SIMON 
Like  Tom  —  the  piper's  son  — 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          187 

VICTORIA 
(To  HERO) 

My  love.  That  might  be  the  palace. —  Sleeping 
Beauty,  a  fashionable  cure  no  doubt  —  and  the  place 
for  fountains.  Ah,  and  we  would  endure  any  thorns 
to  reach  this  fountain.  Did  you  say,  my  dear,  that  it 
was  a  beautiful  Crystal  Palace?  I  am  sure  it  would 
be  in  a  Crystal  Palace  that  the  fountain  would  be 
found. 

SIMON 
(Helpfully") 
There  is  the  glass  house  where  we  throw,  stones. 

VICTORIA 

(Eagerly} 

Is  it  very  beautifully  furnsihed  with  lambrequins 
and  antimacassars  and  red  plush  chairs,  and  tables  with 
albums  ? 

HERO 

(Clasping  her) 
Just  as  we  will  furnish  our  own  home,  Victoria ! 

VICTORIA 

The  fountain  will  be  in  the  front  hall,  springing 
from  a  gilt  statue  with  a  lamp  —  surrounded  by  a  fret 
work  of  iron  and  red  glass —  The  fountain  coming 
from  Nature's  heart  —  and  going  on  forever  like  dear 
Lord  Alfred's  brook  — 

SIMON 
How  does  the  brook  go  round  the  red  chairs,  ma'm  ? 


i88         MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

VICTORIA 

Will  it  not  be  perfect  joy  —  my  own?  We  will 
drink  of  it,  and  live  forever  in  the  Crystal  Palace.  I 
faint  to  think  of  it.  (She  applies  her  salts.)  Such 
bliss ! 

ADVENTURE 
(Pulling  his  chair  up  to  the  table,  and  plunging  into 

the  pie  MARY  has  just  put  down) 
Flumdiddle!     Brick-a-brack!     S'blood! 

(TROUBADOUR  and  his  LADY  draw  up  timidly 
at  the  opposite  side  of  the  table.) 

HERO 

(Picking  up  his  carpet  bag) 

Have  you  seen  such  a  fountain  and  such  a  palace, 
my  good  fellow? 

SIMON 

(Rubbing  one  leg  on  the  other) 

No,  Sir.  (He  rushes  awkwardly  to  the  table  and 
pours  out  some  water  from  a  flagon  for  ADVENTURE.) 
Will  you  have  some  water,  Sir  —  fresh  drawn  from 
Pussy's  well  ? 

ADVENTURE 

(Knocking  the  flagon  over  with  a  siveep  of  his  elbow) 
Rum !     Rum !     Enough    for    Fifteen    Men  —  and 
one  dead  one!     Do  I  harry  the  rolling  sea  in  ships  — 
to  drink  water! 

SIMON 

(Picking  up  the  flagon,  in  a  gentle  murmur) 
"  Three   wise  men   of   Gotham  —  went   to   sea  in   a 
bowl — . 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          189 

//  the  bowl  had  been  stronger  —  my  tale  had  been 
longer  — " 

(There  has  come  in  through  the  gate,  during 
this  conversation,  a  stoutish  GENTLEMAN,  rather 
elderly,  with  thinning  hair,  and  bone  glasses. 
He  is  dressed  in  a  greenish  shabby  suit  of  an 
tique  cut,  and  is  so  engrossed  in  his  own  medi 
tations,  with  his  head  bent,  and  his  hands  be 
hind  him,  that  he  runs  right  into  HERO  and 
VICTORIA,  who  are  standing  uncertainly,  whis 
pering  together.} 

GENTLEMAN 

Oh  —  I  solicit  your  pardon,  I'm  sure,  in  that  I 
have  intruded  myself  all  inadvertently,  not  to  say  more 
particularly  unwittingly,  upon  yourselves  —  that  is  to 
say  your  corporeal  selves,  for  your  spiritual  selves  have 
that  thing  which  is  known  as  rare  collisions  in  man  or 
woman  — 

ADVENTURE 
(In  a  roar} 

Meat —  More  Meat!  S'Death!  Is  this  an  Inn 
or  an  empty  hogshead  —  that  I  cannot  find  Meat ! 

MARY 

There  was  only  one  bone  in  the  cupboard,  Sir  — 
when  Mother  Hubbard  the  housekeeper  looked,  and 
that  the  dog  took. 

ADVENTURE 
Then   I   will   pick   it  with  some   one.     You,    Sir! 


igo         MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

(He  roars  at  the  GENTLEMAN  just  arrived.')  What 
do  you  mean  standing  there  in  my  light?  Who  are 
you? 

GENTLEMAN 

(Deprecatingly,  looking  at  ADVENTURE  over  his  glasses] 
My  name  is  James,  Sir.  As  a  matter  of  fact  —  I 
was  hardly  aware  of  what  light  I  stood  in  —  I  must 
crave  your  indulgence.  I  am  prone  to  be  absent- 
minded.  That  is  —  I  am  often  searching  for  my  verbs 
—  and  in  the  midst  of  these  cogitations,  or  ramifica 
tions,  or  I  might  state  perambulations  — 

ADVENTURE 
Say  what  you  mean ! 

JAMES 

(With  a  sigh) 

I  wish  I  could,  Sir.  In  these  days  when  many  are 
apt  to  even  overlook  the  name  of  James,  which  is  a 
lofty  name,  Sir,  I  frequently  get  lost  even  in  my  own 
sentences.  But  this  I  think  (he  looks  around  to 
collect  an  audience),  is  a  particularly  good  one.  (He 
brings  his  hands  out  from  behind  his  back  and  begins 
to  expound.)  I  —  ah  —  am  in  search  of  a  fount.  I 
believe  it  could  be  called  a  fount  —  or  perhaps  would 
be  even  better  termed  a  Spring  as  the  Pierean  is, 
Spring  then  — 

(There  is  a  jangle  of  the  bell  under  the  sign, 
and  there  enters  through  the  gate  a  lurid  young 
woman  in  an  abbreviated  scarlet  dress,  with  a 
black  picture  hat,  and  very  high  heeled  shoes. 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          191 

She  carries  a  great  white  muff.  Her  dress  is 
cut  extremely  low  back  and  front,  and  she 
wears  dangling  earrings  and  much  makeup.) 

GIRL 

(In  a  drawly  twang,  as  she  saunters  in) 
Say  you  —  is  this  Road  House  a  dead  one?     I've 
been  tintillating  that  clapper  till  my  fingers  feel  like 
a  Swedish  massage.     (She  advances  —  swaying.) 

VICTORIA 

(Clinging  to  HERO) 
We  really  must  go,  my  dearest  Hero. 

HERO 

I  always  did  fancy  red.  (He  smiles  politely  at  the 
girl  and  offers  her  a  chair.) 

VICTORIA 
Hero! 

GIRL 

(Sinking  into  the  chair) 

Thanks,  old  dear.  (She  motions  to  SIMON.) 
Here,  boy —  Smokes  and  a  Bronx  and  rush.  I'm 
beat  up.  This  tramping  the  curb  looking  for  a  cold 
cream  geyser  has  me  bleating  for  refreshment.  When 
I  get  to  that  fountain  of  eternal  debutantness  I'll  keep 
it  in  a  non-detachable  cup.  (She  takes  out  a  vanity 
case  and  powders  her  nose.) 

SIMON 

(Intensely  fascinated) 
In  there? 


192         MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

GIRL 
(Snapping  the  case  to) 

No.  Funny  face.  But  can  you  give  me  the  ad 
dress  of  the  beauty  parlor  here-a-bouts  that  puts  on 
the  permanent  youth?  It  ought  to  be  a  swell  joint 
by  the  line  of  exclusiveness  it  hands  out.  Not  even  a 
card  to  me,  Ainslee  McClure,  and  me  with  my  profile 
on  every  magazine  that  has  a  circulation  —  and  my 
story  running  in  no  less  than  five  hundred  movies  at 
once.  But  it's  wearing  —  and  you  never  can  tell  where 
the  public  will  jump.  I  may  find  myself  next  month 
in  the  eight  by  ten  cell  of  a  Second  Class  Vaudeville 
boarding  house  in  Hoboken,  so  just  tip  me  off  with  the 
number  of  this  beauty  bath.  Will  you?  I  want  that 
bath. 

VICTORIA 

The  immodest  hussy!  (She  hides  her  face  in  her 
handkerchief.}  Hero,  this  is  not  respectable! 

AINSLEE 

I'll  have  you  know  I'm  a  perfect  lady.  (She  sur 
veys  VICTORIA  up  and  down.)  Even  if  I  don't  dress 
like  a  Newark  sewing-by-the-day  model.  My  virtue 
is  absolutely  O  K.  The  final  paragraph  always  tells 
you  that.  Hit  'em  in  the  eye  and  then  soften  up 
afterwards  is  my  motto. 

SIMON 

Can  they  see  just  the  same  if  you  hit  them  in  the 
eye? 

AINSLEE 
They  can't  miss  me.     Any  one  got  a  light?     (She 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN  193 

takes  out  a  cigarette  from  a  gold  case.}  This  hunting 
a  fountain  is  the  thirstiest  work  I've  ever  pulled. 
(She  leans  over  and  lights  her  cigarette  at  ADVEN 
TURE'S  pipe  which  he  has  just  started.)  Thanks,  Pal. 
You  look  like  an  actor  out  of  a  job. —  Copped  your 
overcoat  out  of  the  wardrobe  room,  didn't  you? 
(She  leans  back,  and  surveys  the  TROUBADOUR  and 
his  LADY  through  a  puff  of  smoke.}  And  you  too. 
What's  your  particular  line  ? 

TROUBADOUR 

I  am  the  Troubadour.  Through  the  centuries  I 
sing  of  Love  and  Poetry.  Though  the  world  is  deaf, 
its  ears  stopped  with  sordid  moneys  —  I  sing  —  I 
sing  — 

SIMON 

Like  Little  Tommy  Tucker  —  Singing  for  his  sup 
per— 

AINSLEE 

Well,  it  doesn't  look  as  if  you'd  got  much  off  the 
lunch  counter.  If  you've  been  on  the  road  long,  no 
wonder  you're  starved. 

TROUBADOUR 

Starved  for  appreciation  —  starved  for  recognition. 
The  world  has  forgotten  us  —  and  our  songs.  Soon 
we  will  perish  and  be  but  ghosts  and  mist  wraiths  if 
we  cannot  find  the  Great  Fountain  to  drink  of. 

ADVENTURE 
(Gloomily) 
I  must  soon  drink  of  something  more  potent  than 


194          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

rum  and  stiffer  then  a  hurricane,  or  Adventure  will 
founder  with  all  hands  and  the  seas  close  over  him. 
I  can  find  no  one  these  days  to  man  my  ships  or  listen 
to  my  tales. 

JAMES 

(Waking  a  little  from  his  melancholy  ruminations) 
It  is  indeed  difficult  to  find  a  listener  in  the  hustling 
world  which  goes  by  all  unheeding  —  unheeding  my 
voice  which  used  to  lead  it  through  the  labyrinth  of 
culture  — 

AlNSLEE 

(To  MARY,  who  stands  by  sympathetically) 
Say  —  is  this  a  home  for  Down  and  Outs? 

MARY 

(Smoothing  her  apron) 

This  is  Mother  Goose  Inn,  ma'm.  It's  a  home 
for  Mother  Goose,  ma'm,  and  all  her  children,  and  all 
her  willing  servants,  of  which  I  am  one.  (She  bobs  a 
curtsey.)  And  we  keep  open  house,  ma'm,  to  serve 
any  one  as  comes  by  and  likes  simple  things  like  Pat- 
a-cakes,  and  hot  Pease  Porridge,  and  Daffy-Down- 
Dillies.  There's  many  as  might  fare  worse,  ma'm,  than 
on  Mother  Goose  and  her  Goodies.  She  is  a  wise 
old  lady. 

SIMON 

"  There  was  an  old  woman  lived  under  a  hill  — 
And  if  she's  not  gone  she  lives  there  still  — 
Baked  apples  she  sold  and  cranberry  pies  — 
And  she's  the  old  woman  that  never  told  lies  — •" 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          195 

(He  emphasizes  this  last  line  with  very  empha 
tic  nods  of  his  head.) 

AINSLEE 

Mother  Goose,  eh?  I  never  heard  of  her,  but  I 
don't  think  much  of  her  stage  name. 

ADVENTURE 
(In  a  deep  rumble) 
Nor  the  milk  pap  she  serves. 

TROUBADOUR'S  LADY 

(Leaning  out) 

It  is  a  sweet  garden  —  but  no  high  stars  in  it.  You 
should  build  towers  to  reach  the  stars —  (She  waves 
a  thin  white  hand.)  Should  they  not  —  my  Trouba 
dour? 

TROUBADOUR 

Indeed.  Towers  to  reach  the  stars  —  my  blessed 
damozel.  By  towers  and  stars  are  Troubadours  re 
membered. 

SIMON 
(Pensively) 

"  Twinkle  —  twinkle,  little  star  — 
How  I  wonder  what  you  are — " 

JAMES 
(Who   has  sunk   down   by   the  table,  engrossed  in  a 

book.     He  looks  up) 

Yes  —  a  nice  obvious  little  enclosure  —  but  noth 
ing  of  the  higher  intellectuality  in  its  atmosphere  — 


196          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

Why  not  give  lectures  on  the  greater  Mentality  twice 
a  week  at  four?  It  would  improve  the  place.  Im 
prove  it  greatly —  (He  returns  to  his  book.} 

AINSLEE 

(Polishing  her  nails} 

A  little  jazz  is  all  you  need,  and  perhaps  a  bit  of 
cabaret  stuff — and  let  me  tip  you  off  to  a  decent 
press  agent.  There's  nothing  like  it.  But  as  it  is  — 
(She  looks  around  and  shrugs.}  Dead. 

VICTORIA 

(Who  has  stood,  clinging  to  HERO  all  this  time} 

I   should  say  a  few  gladiolas  and  perhaps  a  tame 

doe  or  two  —  like  Lord  Ronald  brought  his  cousin,  my 

Hero.      (She  sighs.}      It  is  indeed  hard  to  be  so  highly 

related,  and  yet  have  to  enter  a  middle  class  little  Inn. 

MARY 

There  are  those  that  like  Mother  Goose  Inn. 

SIMON 

And  they  Great  People  too  sometimes.  They  say 
there  is  no  fountain  water  as  clear  as  ours,  no  milk  as 
sweet,  and  no  garden  flowers  as  bright. 

AINSLEE 

A  week  end  back  to  Nature.  I  see.  But  I  haven't 
the  time  to  waste,  Long-Legs.  My  schedule  is  full. 
Have  you  got  a  road  map  or  a  timetable  to  show  the 
where-a-bouts  of  this  Beauty  Parlor  I'm  after? 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN  197 

MARY 

There's  the  road  to  Bambury  Cross,  but  you'd  better 
go  there  horse-back,  and  it's  three  score  ten  miles  to 
Babylon,  though  you  can  get  there  by  candle-light. 
And  there's  Gloster,  though  it's  apt  to  be  rainy,  where 
Dr.  Foster  always  goes  —  but  I  never  heard  of  the 
Beauty  Parlor  you  speak  of. 

ADVENTURE 

Nor  of  the  hidden  Spring  in  the  secret  island  that 
I  must  find  —  I'll  be  bound.  A  wretched,  weak-kneed 
lot. 

TROUBADOUR 

Nor  of  the  purpled  cataract  that  licks  the  moon. 
The  moon  does  not  shine  on  this  garden. 

SIMON 

One  t)f  our  cows  once  jumped  over  the  moon.  Hey- 
diddle-Diddle's  cow  it  was. 

VICTORIA 

Nor  have  they  heard  of  our  Crystal  Palace.  (She 
vj^eeps  into  her  handkerchief.}  And  we  will  pass  away 
if  we  do  not  find  it! 

HERO 

(Petting  her} 

My  dearest  Victoria,  whatever  happens,  we  will  be 
genteel. 

JAMES 

(Looking  up} 
That   word.     That   word.     I    must    rouse   myself. 


ig8          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

It  is  the  grave  of  all  intellectuality,  and  I  approach 
it  if  I  do  not  find  the  remedy  I  seek.  (He  puts  his 
book  in  his  pocket.)  Tell  me,  young  woman.  (He 
turns  to  MARY.)  How  can  I  find  the  way  to  the  fount 
that  I  seek?  I  believe  it  is  almost  a  metaphorical 
fount,  being  merely  the  flow  of  wisdom  and  words 
which  emanates  from  some  great  soul,  for  the  best 
things  are  always  clothed  in  metaphors.  Have  you 
seen  such  a  great  soul  as  would  give  strength  to  a  poor 
dealer  in  words  —  for  alas,  that  is  what  I  am.  The 
world  is  passing  me  by,  and  as  its  strength  ebbs  away 
from  me,  I  feel  I  have  only  dry  words  left.  And  I 
would  live  again. 

SIMON 

(Edging  up  sympathetically) 

If  I  were  you,  Sir,  I  would  ask  the  others  you  meet 
on  the  road.  They  be  simple  folk,  but  might  tell  you 
something.  Some  are  peddlers  like  yourself  —  like  the 
Pieman,  and  there's  even  the  Pussy  Cat  who's  been  to 
London  and  seen  the  Queen,  and  Wee  Willie  Winkie, 
who  runs  through  the  towns  at  night.  He  knows  a 
great  deal. 

JAMES 

(With  a  weary  sigh) 

But  I  am  very  weary  and  confused.  My  words 
seem  to  trip  me  — 

SIMON 

It  might  depend  on  how  you  start,  Sir  — "  There 
was  a  crooked  man,  and  he  went  a  crooked  mile  —  and 
he  found  a  crooked  sixpence  — " 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          199 

ADVENTURE 

(Interrupting  with  a  roar} 

And  are  any  of  these  travelers  seafaring  men?  Do 
they  know  of  the  Far  Volcano  with  the  inner  hidden 
spring  I  seek? 

SIMON 

There's  Robinson  Crusoe  Island,  Sir.  But  that's 
pretty  well  explored.  And  then  there's  Bobby  Shaf- 
toe —  He  went  to  sea —  Silver  buckles  on  his  knee. 
Pretty  Bobby  Shaftoe. 

ADVENTURE 
(Springing  up) 

S'Blood!  I'll  not  be  choked  with  Nursery  Tales. 
Where  is  that  island  of  mine? 

TROUBADOUR 

(Getting  up,  and  approaching,  with  his  LADY) 
No.  First  where  is  our  fountain  of  scarlet  and  pur 
ple?  It  grows  late.  The  mists  fill  the  woods,  and 
the  troubadour  perishes  of  the  cold  and  dark  unless  he 
warms  his  throat  with  the  drink  of  the  eternal  purple 
fountain. 

VICTORIA 

And  it's  a  fountain  we  seek  too  —  in  a  Palace. 
Surely  every  one  knows  the  way  to  the  Crystal  Palace 
—  It  must  be  there. 

AINSLEE 

Speed  it  up  —  Kid.  Give  me  the  number  and  I'll 
whistle  for  a  taxi.  All  I  want  is  the  address  of  the 
Permanent  Beauty  Parlor  — 


200          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

JAMES 

(Pressing  on  MARY) 

Just  one  moment,  my  worthy  girl,  if  you  will  be  so 
kind  as  to  direct  me  to  the  fount  — 

MARY 

(Bewildered) 

Please  —  sirs —  Please,  ma'm —  Please  kindly. 
One  at  a  time. 

SIMON 

I  never  knew  there  were  so  many  different  foun 
tains,  Sir.  I  never  knew  any  fountain  but  this,  Sir. 

ADVENTURE 
Brainless  jelly-fish! 

TROUBADOUR 
Poor  innocent! 

JAMES 
You  are  unenlightened,  my  simple  child  — 

SIMON 

What  is  the  name  of  your  Fountain,  Sir?  You 
find  so  many  names,  I  should  think  you  would  hardly 
know  it  yourself,  Sir. 

JAMES 

The  name,  my  good  boy,  the  simple  name  which  in 
innocence,  was  given  to  the  miraculous  fountain  which 
cures  all  ills,  and  is  no  doubt  now  clad  in  quite  another 
and  more  subtle  guise,  is  the  Fountain  of  Youth.  It 
is  that,  alas  —  which  I  seek. 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          201 

VICTORIA 

What!  Hero!  I  faint!  (She  collapses  into 
HERO'S  arms.)  Our  fountain!  We  will  have  to 
share  the  crystal  Palace,  and  not  live  there  in  an 
eternal  honeymoon.  I  cannot  bear  it! 

HERO 

(Clutching  her) 
Brace  yourself  in  this  serious  crisis,  Victoria. 

TROUBADOUR 

The  Fountain  of  Youth!  It  is  that  Fountain  we 
seek!  The  Purple  Cataract  which  springs  to  the 
stars —  No  one  but  Poets  dare  find  it —  No  one 
but  Lovers  can  drink  it  — 

ADVENTURE 

S'Blood!  Will  you  discover  my  Island  and  my 
Spring  before  I  do  ?  The  Fountain  of  Youth.  'Twas 
the  very  Name.  The  very  Fount  I  seek.  Who  has 
revealed  the  secret  —  Who  —  that  I  may  slit  his 
throat!  (He  glares  about  with  his  hand  on  his  cut 
lass.  ) 

AlNSLEE 

Say —  Bring  the  check —  I'll  be  trotting.  The 
Fountain  of  Youth!  Why,  that's  the  name  of  the 
Permanent  Beauty  Joint  I'm  looking  for.  Don't  tell 
me  you're  all  going  there  too.  Not  but  what  a  little 
cold  cream  and  curling  irons  wouldn't  help  you  —  but 
I  don't  want  the  hours  all  booked  up,  and  the  right 
syrup  in  the  fountain  run  out,  before  I  get  there.  So 
long —  Old  dears —  (She  starts  to  go.) 


202          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

VICTORIA 

Hero !  Don't  let  her  go !  That  kind  always  super 
sedes  us!  (She  weeps,  and  pulls  HERO  towards  the 
gate. ) 

AlNSLEE 

(Pushing  past  her) 

That  kind  indeed!  I  guess  the  Fountain  of  Youth 
is  free  to  whoever  finds  it  —  and  me  a  perfect  lady! 

ADVENTURE 

(Elbowing  past  them  both) 
Adventure  is  ever  first  on  the  field ! 

JAMES 

If  you  will  allow  me.  I  think  I  must  be  departing. 
That  fountain  is  really  a  necessity  to  me  — 

TROUBADOUR 
(Leading  his  LADY  out) 

It  is  the  wine  of  Life  to  the  Troubadour.  Without 
it  I  perish.  Already  I  stagger  by  the  way  — 

ADVENTURE 
(Thrusting  them  aside) 

Sentimental  rubbish !  Oblivion  waits  for  you  — 
(He  glares  about.)  And  for  all  else  that  is  not  red- 
blooded.  I  am  hearty  with  oaths.  I  am  thick  with 
energy.  One  drop  from  the  Fountain  of  Youth  is  all 
that  Adventure  needs  to  make  him  and  his  Tales  live 
forever —  Out  of  my  way.  And  stay  here  till  I  am 
gone  —  or  your  heads  will  answer  for  it  — 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          203 

JAMES 

(Tremulously) 

But  culture  —  culture  and  language  —  that  cannot 
wait  while  a  Penny  Melodrama  eats  up  the  precious 
fluid  which  would  give  life  to  me  —  and  my  many, 
many  words  — 

AlNSLEE 

Can  the  rough  stuff  —  and  the  high-brow  too.  Do 
you  think  Ainslee  McClure  can  wait?  Why  the  pub 
lic  may  even  now  be  dropping  me.  This  is  on  the 
level.  I  need  that  Fountain  cure. 

TROUBADOUR 
(Hastily  dragging  his  LADY  away  from  the  crowd  and 

towards  the  gate} 

Come.  Avante.  Avante.  Before  the  vulgar  mob 
drinks  the  Poet's  fountain  dry  and  leaves  the  Trouba 
dour  to  perish. 

SIMON 

(Blocking  his  way) 
But,  kind  Sir —     Have  you  any  penny? 

MARY 

Yes  —  please,  Sir  —  you  have  eaten  of  our  Black 
Bird  Pie  and  drunk  our  King  Cole  Ale  — 

TROUBADOUR 
( With  a  wild  gesture,  making  for  the  gate  and  pushing 

her  aside) 
We  have  sung  for  it.     We  have  no  money  — 


204          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

TROUBADOUR'S  LADY 

The  Fountain  —  the  Fountain.  I  must  reach  it  or 
I  faint  —  Water  —  water  — 

MARY 

Running  to  her  solicitously) 

Oh,  I  am  sorry.  -We  will  not  charge  anything  if 
you  have  no  penny.  But  will  you  not  rest  and  have 
a  drink  of  our  fountain  water?  It  is  so  cool  —  and 
clear  — 

TROUBADOUR 

It  must  be  Purple  shot  with  stars —  Farewell, 
Simple  Maid.  (He  goes  out  the  gate.)  We  were 
but  beggars  that  came  to  your  door  —  But  when  we 
drink  of  the  Fountain  of  Youth  we  return  kings! 
(They  go  off  through  the  wood.) 

ADVENTURE 

Here  — stop  there.  S'blood!  S'death!  S'blood! 
They  escape  me!  (He  starts  after  them.) 

SIMON 

(Stopping  him) 

But  you,  Sir,  have  a  penny.  And  you  had  Jack 
Horner  Pie,  and  a  Plum  Pudding  too.  The  Lion 
beat  the  Unicorn  all  round  the  town  for  less  — 

ADVENTURE 

And  I'll  beat  you  all  round  the  town  unless  you 
stand  aside.  Here —  (He  plunges  his  hands  and 
throws  out  some  coins.)  Doubloons —  Pieces  of 
Eight —  Spanish  Gold!  What  are  they  to  Adven- 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          205 

ture  if  he  loses  the  Fountain  of  Youth  and  founders  in 
oblivion?  You,  who  would  keep  him  with  milk  and 
water!  S'blood!  S'death!  I  am  not  a  beggar  — 
ye  dogs!  (He  strides  out.) 

SIMON 

"  Hark  —  hark,  the  dogs  do  bark,  the  beggars  have 
come  to  town.  Some  in  rags  and  some  in  tags,  and 
some  in  velvet  gown  — " 

JAMES 

If  you  will  pardon  me  —  I  must  really  journey  for 
ward  in  search  of  the  flow  of  Youth  which  comes  from 
the  Fountain  —  I  — 

VICTORIA 
Dearest  Hero.     Lend  me  your  arm. 

JAMES 

(Getting  to  the  gate) 
Good-day,     Good-day. 

MARY 

(Running  after  him) 

But  will  you  not  wait  and  ask  Mother  Goose,  Sir? 
She  is  very  old,  Sir,  and  very  wise? 

JAMES 

Nursery  Tales.  Nursery  Tales.  (He  goes  off 
through  the  wood  shaking  his  head.) 

VICTORIA 
Quick —     Dearest   Hero.     Those   dreadful  people 


206          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

will  drink  our  fountain  and  turn  us  out  of  our  own 
Crystal   Palace  — 

SIMON 

But,  ma'm,  you  have  not  eaten  your  curds  and  whey 
—  and  Miss  Muffit  made  it  especially  for  you  — 

AINSLEE 

(Seizing  the  opportunity  to  push  by  to  the  gate) 
So  long  —  then.     I'm  off. 

MARY 

Don't  you  think  you  might  perhaps  stay,  ma'm?  So 
many  are  going  —  and  we  have  such  a  nice  little  foun 
tain  here.  And  if  you  all  go  off  I  don't  know  what  I 
will  say  to  Mother  Goose,  and  she  so  particular  about 
accounts  and  all  —  Don't  you  think,  ma'm,  you  could 
try  our  fountain  — 

AINSLEE 

Nothing  doing.  Sorry.  Tell  the  Old  Lady  I  had 
a  date.  (She  goes  off  hastily  through  the  wood.) 

SIMON 

(Ruminatively) 

"  The  greedy  man  is  he  who  sits 
And  bites  bits  out  of  plates  — 
Or  else  takes  up  an  almanac 
And  gobbles  all  the  dates  — " 

That  Captain  —  broke  a  plate.  (He  carefully 
picks  up  the  pieces  of  a  plate  that  ADVENTURE  shoved 
off  the  table  in  his  hurry.)  And  a  flagon  too.  To 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          207 

say  nothing  of  spilling  all  the  water  worse  than  Jack 
and  Jill  —  and  he  only  left  three  bits  — 

VICTORIA 

(At  the  gate  with  HERO) 

Good-by.     I  will  send  you  a  little  gilt  souvenir  from 
the  Crystal  Palace. 

MARY 

But  please,  ma'm.     Have  you  a  penny  for  your  curds 

A     iii7r\f*\7  r 


VICTORIA 

We  come  of  the  best  families  and  are  always  guests. 
We  never  pay.  The  Fountain  of  Youth  receives  only 
the  best  families  —  however  unfortunate  they  may  be 
in  circumstances —  (She  begins  to  sniff.} 

HERO 
But  always  genteel  — 

VICTORIA 

Yes  —  always  that  —  until  the  end.  Oh,  hurry, 
Hero.  I  feel  very  faint.  We  must  find  the  Foun 
tain  of  Youth  or  I  will  actually  swoon!  (They  go  off 
through  the  wood.} 

SIMON 
(Softly  to  himself,  rubbing  one  leg  against  the  other, 

and  looking  after   HERO  and  VICTORIA.) 
"  Goosey  —  goosey    Gander  —     Wither   dost   thou 
wander?  " 

MARY 
{Coming  distractedly  down  to  the  table} 


208          MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

Oh,  now  there,  Simple  Simon.  Don't  you  stand 
there  doing  nothing  on  one  leg  —  and  everything  in  a 
clutter.  (She  begins  to  pick  up  the  dishes.)  Such 
crazy  people  I  never  did  see.  And  what  Mother 
Goose  will  say  with  no  account  made  out  —  and  I 
declare —  (She  turns  on  him.)  You  haven't  been 
to  the  Pieman  yet. 

SIMON 

"  Give  me  a  duck  and  a  drake  and  a  half -penny 
cake  —  And  a  penny  to  pay  the  old  baker  — " 

MARY 

How  can  I  when  nobody  paid  for  their  cakes  but 
with  three  foreign  pennies?  (She  wrings  her  hands.) 
(MOTHER  GOOSE  enters  briskly  through  the 
gate.  She  is  clad  in  a  long  red  cape  over  her 
dark  dress  with  its  full  white  apron,  and  wears 
the  high  pointed  MOTHER  GOOSE  black  hat 
over  her  frilled  white  cap.  Her  face  is 
wrinkled  but  pink  cheeked  and  healthy,  and 
though  she  leans  on  a  stick,  she  moves  briskly 
and  decidedly.) 

MOTHER  GOOSE 

What's  this?  What's  this?  Mary,  Mary  Contrary, 
and  Simple  Simon  and  the  tables  all  in  a  clutter? 
Have  we  had  guests? 

SIMON 

Yes.  And  they  were  so  strange.  As  strange  as  the 
Man  in  the  Wilderness  who  asked  how  many  straw 
berries  grew  in  the  sea? 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          209 

MOTHER  GOOSE 

And  did  you  answer  as  proper,  as  you  have  been 
taught  —  "  As  many  as  red  herrings  grow  in  the 
wood?" 

SIMON 

I  tried,  but  they  all  talked  at  once  —  They  did  not 
seem  to  care  about  listening  — 

MARY 

And  they  wanted  to  find  the  oddest  place  — 
Crystal  Palaces  and  Volcanos  —  and  Purple  Springs  — 

SIMON 

(With  a  rush} 

And  though  they  all  seemed  so  different  it  was  the 
same  place  they  were  after  after  all,  though  they  none 
of  them  would  admit  it,  and  they  were  as  cross  as 
Cross-Patch  when  they  found  out,  and  all  took  differ 
ent  roads  —  And  would  not  stop  in  our  garden  — 

MOTHER  GOOSE 
(Shaking  her  head) 

Oh  —  la-la  —  That's  what  happens  when  people's 
minds  get  all  overgrown  and  twisted —  When  they 
outgrow  Mother  Goose's  garden  and  don't  see  what's 
before  their  noses  — 

MARY 

(Breathlessly) 

And  they  only  left  three  strange  foreign  pennies  for 
pay  — 

MOTHER  GOOSE 
Each  man  pays  in  his  own  coin  —  and  is  paid  like- 


2IO 

wise.     (She  slips  the  pennies  left  by  ADVENTURE  in 
her  pocket.) 

MARY 

And  where  were  they  going  — 

SIMON 
And  will  they  get  there? 

MOTHER  GOOSE 
Who  knows  ?     "  The  King  of  France  went  up  the 

hill 

With  twenty  thousand  men. 
The  King  of  France  came  down  the  hill, 
And  ne'er  went  up  again." 

The  Flower  of  Hearts  Desire  grows  in  this  very 
garden  —  if  they  had  not  traveled  too  fast  and  been 
too  wise  to  see  it  — 

(There  comes  a  boy's  voice  singing  beyond  the 
gate  — ) 

VOICE 

"  Rock-a-by  baby,  thy  cradle  is  green, 
Father's  a  nobleman,  mother's  a  queen, 
And  Betty's  a  lady  and  wears  a  gold  ring  — 
And  Johnny's  a  drummer  —  and  drums  for  the 
King—" 

MARY 
It's  little  Tommy  Tucker  — 

SIMON 
Singing   for   his  supper  — 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          211 

MOTHER  GOOSE 
Shall  we  give  him  some  — 

MARY 
Oh,  yes —     White  Bread  and  Butter  — 

SIMON 
And  Diddle,  Diddle  Dumplings  — 

MOTHER  GOOSE 
And  water  —  from  Mother  Goose's  fountain. 

MARY 

(Clearing  away  the  table} 
Yes  —  the  others  would  not  drink  it  — 

(A  veil  of  twilight  has  crept  over  the  garden, 
softening  the  vividness  of  its  green,  and  filling 
the  wood  beyond  with  mists.  Little  TOMMY 
TUCKER,  a  very  little  boy  in  blue  Greenaway 
dress,  with  a  wide  white  neck  frill  appears  at 
the  gate,  his  hands  behind  him,  singing.) 

TOMMY  TUCKER 

"  Hush-a-by,  baby,  on  the  tree  top  — 
When  the  wind  blows  the  cradle  will  rock  — 
When  the  bough  breaks  the  cradle  will  fall  — 
And  down  will  come  baby  —  cradle  and  all  — " 

MOTHER  GOOSE 

They  wouldn't  drink  my  fountain  —  eh?  Well  — 
they  will  find  no  better  one.  For  this  is  the  fountain 
of  all  young  things  and  those  who  drink  of  Mother 


212  MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN 

Goose's  fountain  never  grow  old  —  never  grow  old. 
I  suppose  that  was  not  what  they  wanted  —  eh  ? 

SIMON 

(Twisting   on   one  leg) 
They  didn't  seem  to  know  exactly  what  they  wanted. 

MOTHER  GOOSE 

Ah,  well  —  there  are  many  springs  to  the  Fountain 
of  Youth  —  but  this  in  my  garden  is  the  first  one. 
My  children  are  forever  young.  Are  they  all  safe  — 
Is  Little  Boy  Blue  home  from  the  Haystacks?  Has 
Bo-Peep  brought  in  her  sheep? 

SIMON 

Yes  —  but  Daffy-down-dilly  has  not  finished  her 
new  yellow  dress  —  and  Johnny  is  not  back  from  the 
fair  with  the  blue  ribbons. 

MOTHER  GOOSE 

(Turning) 
We  must  see  to  them. 

TOMMY  TUCKER 

(Singing  softly) 

"  Come  to  the  window  —  my  baby  with  me  — 
And  look  at  the  stars  —  that  shine  in  the  sea  — " 

MOTHER  GOOSE 
(As  she  turns,  with  SIMON) 

Come  in,  Tommy  Tucker.  Come  in.  It  is  almost 
time  for  the  Man  in  the  Moon  to  come  down  — 

(MOTHER  GOOSE,  with  SIMON  on  one  side,  and 


MOTHER  GOOSE  GARDEN          213 

MARY  bearing  a  tray  of  dishes,  on  the  other, 
turns  to  go  slowly  out  of  the  garden.  The 
twilight  deepens.) 

MARY 

And  the  poor  wayfarers  out  in  the  woods  — 

MOTHER  GOOSE 
They  will  find  wisdom  by  the  way  — 

SIMON 
And  our  garden  will  be  alone  in  the  dark  — 

MOTHER  GOOSE 
The  Fountain  of  Youth  will  watch  over  it  — 

(They  go  slowly  towards  the  arbor.  Little 
TOMMY  TUCKER  comes  in  through  the  gate, 
slowly,  and  still  singing  follows  them.  A  big 
round  moon  rises  behind  the  trees,  and  the  tip 
of  the  fountain  glitters  silver  in  its  light.) 

TOMMY  TUCKER 

(Singing) 

"  There  are   two   little  stars  —  that  play  bo-peep  — 
With  two  little  fish, —  far  down  in  the  deep. 
And   two   little   frogs  —  cry-neap-neap-neap — " 

(MOTHER  GOOSE,  and  SIMON  and  MARY,  dis 
appear   through    the   arbor,   TOMMY  TUCKER 
follows,  his  voice  lingering  after  he  has  gone.) 
"  There   are   two   little  stars  —  that   play   bo-peep  — 
And  I  see  a  dear  baby  —  that  should  be  asleep — " 


214          MOTHER  G<  AKDKN 


FOR  OUTDOOR  PRODUCTION  OF 
MOTHER  GOOSE  GARI 

Any  garden  with  a  fountain  could  be  u>ed  for  this 
If  a  fountain  is  not  available,  a  bird  bath, 
thickly  hedged  with  flowers  might  be  used. 

For  extra  people,  to  make  more  of  a  pageant,  there 
might  be  other  Mother  Goose  characters  introduced 
—  for  instance  a  row  of  Mary  Contrary*'  "pretty 
maids."  They  could  stand  behind  a  flower  bnl,  and 
she  water  them.  The  Pieman,  could  pass  through  the 
wood  ringing  his  bell,  and  at  the  end,  a  lot  of  Mother 
Goose  characters,  troop  in  to  go  into  the  Inn. 


FOR  INDOOR  PRODUCTION 

Any  pretty  garden  scene,  brightly  colored,  with  a 
little  white  gate  at  the  back  leading  into  a  green  wood 
land.  At  the  side  there  might  be  a  little  red  peaked 
gabled  house,  with  the  MOTHER  GOOSE  INN 
sign  swinging  over  the  door.  If  the  fountain  is  diffi 
cult  to  manage,  a  rustic  well  would  do. 


3  115801015  3996 


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